Ray

Ray:Ray's entrance: 'Greetings. Greetings and salutations. I beg your forgiveness. My tardiness was unavoidable... And you must be Jerry, lord of the manor. My liege. A pleasure to serve you.'

Ray · Jerry:'Your palace shall sparkle like the stars in heaven...upon your safe arrival, sire.' / 'The toilet brush is under the sink.'

Ray:Ray's second entrance: 'This is an unexpected surprise. And delight. The once and future king of comedy, Jerry the first...gracing our humble abode. Rava, we are in the presence of royalty.'

Ray · Jerry:'But I didn't just clean your apartment. It was a ritual, a ceremony. A celebration of life.' / 'Shouldn't you be out on a ledge somewhere?'

Ray · Jerry · Elaine:'Do you take sugar? / No. / No.' — casual tea conversation cutting through Jerry's quiet panic about the stolen statue

Ray:'Sweet elixir, its fragrant nectar a soothing balm for the soul.' — Ray on the tea he just poured

Ray:'My mother left us when I was 6 years old. All seven of us. We never heard from her again. I hope she's rotting in an alley somewhere.'

Ray:'In Scandinavian mythology, the pastries were the food of the gods.'

Elaine · Ray:'I just remembered, I'm...getting a facial. Oh, I'll see you tomorrow morning.' / 'How about dinner?' / 'No, I don't eat dinner. Dinner's for suckers.'

Jerry · Ray · George:The confrontation phone call: 'Yeah, the king of comedy, right.' / '...the one with...? The blue lady? Would you shut up?!'

Ray · Jerry · George:The entire Ray confrontation where he turns the accusation around, insisting he bought the statue at a pawnshop in Chinatown and 'the guy retired and moved to Singapore'

Jerry · Ray:'You were in my house. And then I saw it in your house. / What are you saying? / What am I saying? Take a wild guess.'

Ray · George:'Are you saying I stole your statue? / What a mind.'

Ray · Jerry · George:'I got that statue in a pawnshop. / Pawnshop? / A pawnshop? / In Chinatown, with money I earned cleaning apartments. / Cleaning them out.'

Ray · Jerry:'You want her. / No, she's a little too cheery for me. She's from Finland, for crying out loud. Finland! Do you understand?'

Ray:'I know Finland. They're neutral.'

Ray · Jerry · George:'Is it me? Do I rub you the wrong way? / No, actually, I find you quite charming. A bit verbose at times. / I find you so charming. You wuss.'

Ray · Jerry · George:'Did you call me a wuss? / What did you say? / I said luss. I'm at a luss.'

Ray · Jerry · George:'I'd love to take you to the pawnshop where I got it. / That's not necessary. / You know, maybe it's not that bad an idea. / And I would love to. Nothing would please me more. But unfortunately, the guy retired and moved to Singapore.'

Ray · George:'Have him make a Photostat of the receipt...and send it over.' / 'That's it. That's it! I can't take it. I can't take it anymore! You stole the statue! You're a thief! You're a liar!'

Ray · George:'I've gotta get going. I have a class. / Oh, a class, huh? A class. At Columbia? / Let me tell you something. I called the registrar's office. I checked you out. They have no record of a Ray Thomas at that school, you liar!'

Ray · George:'That is because I am registered under my full legal name...Raymond Thomas Wochinski. Ray Thomas is my professional name.' / 'You mean alias.'

Ray · Jerry:'You are starting to make me angry. / Well...that was bound to happen.'

Ray:Ray's exit speech: 'I hope you think about what you've done here today. And if you wanna call and apologize...you know where to reach me.'

Jerry · Ray:'Hey, Ray. / Yes? / How did you get the goop out of the top of the dishwashing liquid? It was like a brand-new nozzle.'

Kramer · Ray:Kramer enters Ray's apartment dressed as a cop: 'Police. Open up!' / 'Freeze, mama!' / 'Shut up! Spread them. I said, spread them! You're in big trouble, son. Burglary, grand larceny...possession of stolen goods. / And murder! / Murder?' / 'Shut up! Keep them spread. You just make love to that wall, pervert.'

Ray · Kramer:'Hey. Hey, are you a cop? / Yeah, I'm a cop. I'm a good cop. I'm a damn good cop!'

Ray:Ray's entrance: 'Greetings. Greetings and salutations. I beg your forgiveness. My tardiness was unavoidable. Rava, my love. Elaine, dear friend. And you must be Jerry, lord of the manor. My liege. A pleasure to serve you.'

Ray · Jerry:'Your palace shall sparkle like the stars in heaven upon your safe arrival, sire.' / 'The toilet brush is under the sink.'

Ray:Ray's arrival at his own apartment: 'This is an unexpected surprise. And delight. The once and future king of comedy, Jerry the first, gracing our humble abode. Rava, we are in the presence of royalty.'

Ray · Jerry:'But I didn't just clean your apartment. It was a ritual, a ceremony. A celebration of life.' / 'Shouldn't you be out on a ledge somewhere?'

Elaine · Ray:Elaine says 'He's funny' approvingly after Jerry's 'ledge' insult — implying Ray found it charming

George · Ray:'You know how mothers are.' / 'My mother left us when I was 6 years old. All seven of us. We never heard from her again. I hope she's rotting in an alley somewhere.'

Ray:'In Scandinavian mythology, the pastries were the food of the gods.'

Ray · Jerry:'How about dinner?' / 'No, I don't eat dinner.' / 'Dinner's for suckers.'

Ray:'Yeah, the king of comedy, right.' — Ray's callback to his earlier epithet for Jerry, used now with a hint of sarcasm

Ray · Jerry · George:'For your information, I got that statue in a pawnshop.' / 'Pawnshop?' / 'A pawnshop?' / 'In Chinatown, with money I earned cleaning apartments.' / 'Cleaning them out.'

Ray · Jerry:'What's behind this? It's Rava, isn't it?' / 'Again with the Rava.' / 'You want her.' / 'No, she's a little too cheery for me. She's from Finland, for crying out loud. Finland! Do you understand?'

Jerry · Ray · George:Jerry: 'Is it me? Do I rub you the wrong way?' / Ray: 'No, actually, I find you quite charming. A bit verbose at times.' / George: '"I find you so charming." You wuss.'

Ray · Jerry · George:'Did you call me a wuss?' / 'What did you say?' / 'I said, "luss."' / 'I'm at a "luss."'

Ray · George · Jerry:Ray offers to contact the pawnshop owner who 'retired and moved to Singapore' to get a Photostat of the receipt — Jerry loses it: 'That's it! I can't take it. I can't take it anymore!'

George · Ray:George calls out that Ray is not enrolled at Columbia under 'Ray Thomas' — Ray reveals his full legal name is 'Raymond Thomas Wochinski' and 'Ray Thomas is my professional name.' George: 'You mean alias.'

Ray · Jerry:'You are starting to make me angry.' / 'Well... that was bound to happen.'

Ray · Jerry:After the whole ugly confrontation, Ray delivers a gracious exit speech: 'I hope you think about what you've done here today. And if you wanna call and apologize, you know where to reach me.' Then Jerry asks: 'Hey, Ray. How did you get the goop out of the top of the dishwashing liquid? It was like a brand-new nozzle.'

Ray · Kramer (as cop):'Hey, are you a cop?' / 'Yeah, I'm a cop. I'm a good cop. I'm a damn good cop!'

Kramer (as cop) · Ray:'And today's your lucky day, junior. Because I'm gonna let you off with just a warning. Any more of this criminal activity, and you'll be sorry. You got me?' / 'I don't know what you're talking about.' / 'Good, good. Let's keep it that way.'