Phyllis Bornstein Consuelos

Phyllis is introduced pulling up Carlo's socks, saying 'I was just pulling up his socks, dear' when caught

Phyllis: 'I hear they have those electronic meters now.'

Phyllis asks about female cab drivers: 'Where else would all the little cab drivers come from?'

Alex's Freudian slip: 'you haven't lost a daughter, you've gained a ton' instead of 'gained a son'

At the wedding, a man warns his dance partner about Alex: 'Don't let him' and 'He looks like a bad dancer'

Phyllis accuses Alex: 'You've been sneaking out and taking dancing lessons, haven't you?'

Rapid-fire exchange: 'I was afraid I may have hurt your feelings.' 'You wish you could hurt my feelings.' 'Look, if I hurt your feelings...' 'You didn't hurt my feelings.' etc.

Phyllis threatens: 'You get your hands off me or I'll charge you for half this wedding'

Phyllis criticizes Alex's apology: 'You took me all the way in here to do what you had to do as badly as you just did it?'

Phyllis reveals she gained 27 pounds and had to let out her month-old dress three times

Alex mimics Phyllis and she snaps: 'I hate being mimicked. I hate it!'

Alex and Phyllis have a moment where he accurately guesses what she was thinking, leading to 'Lucky guess'

Phyllis's vulnerable admission: 'Or find my buttons anymore'

Well, you're kind of cute. / I was afraid there for a moment you wouldn't notice.

Where are lonely, desperate women usually seated in the better restaurants? / Table four.

You've lost weight. / Yeah, 35 pounds. / Wow, how'd you do that? / The grief diet. Your husband divorces you and then you cry and vomit for three months.

Is it rude to talk to yourself with your mouth full?

Oh, well, then what is a big night? Triplets?

when I'm this vulnerable, when I'm this manipulative

I'll wait.

Maybe I shouldn't do this, you know? / I hope I'm not dreaming.

I'll admit he won't make anybody forget Paul Newman. Or Edwin Newman. Or Alfred E.

It's nice to see someone not caught up in the exercise fads.

No real person acts like that.

What is there, some kind of weird place in Manhattan where you rent out these guys?

And I really know that you're worried about just even going on a date with me 'cause you're afraid that suddenly I'll drive you crazy, and then I'll be neurotic, and I'll be crazy, you know, be demanding and...

But I can't.

At 3:15 this afternoon, it struck me that I really wanted to see you. At that same moment, I knew that you were thinking that you wanted to see me. Now, was I right, Alex? Is there a God?

our daughter is out of the country, and my other ex-husband recently won a court order that forbids me to get within 400 yards of him.

Phyllis, I'm not going to ask you what happened last Christmas. You're not? I swear to God I'm not. Well, good, because I'm not about to tear open a wound that healed after a year.

Can I come along with you? No. Alex, I won't bother your fares. I'll lie on the floor. They won't even know I'm there. No! In the trunk, then. Just leave it open a crack so I can breathe.

Let me at least stay here until midnight so my doorman will think that I had someplace to go.

Did you eat all that?! You know, I eat when I'm depressed. I ate everything in the refrigerator.

Did you know that Frosty the Snowman melted in the end?

Can I get you anything? A gallon of Rocky Road and cable TV.

You want to go to a party? Did you invite me to a party? Or did I just have a hypoglycemic rush?

Alex, do you have to call me your ex-wife? Oh, excuse me. You remember Phyllis, my podiatrist?

And since I have none of those, I'm glad to be here.

A party of 49 and me. Not one of those 49 people asked me to join them.

I am a lonely, middle-aged woman unable to deal with Christmas.

Oh, and in our country, it is a tradition that the oldest woman leads it. Oh, no. Oh, great; just great. When were you born? Uh, February, 1952. February what? Fourth.

Dear Lord, no offense, but, uh, could you spend less time with the people that don't need it? I mean, like the women from the Ice Capades and ballplayers. I mean, Lord, what do you care if a guy's stranded on second base?

Dear Lord, no offense, but, uh, could you spend less time with the people that don't need it? I mean, like the women from the Ice Capades and ballplayers. I mean, Lord, what do you care if a guy's stranded on second base?

Also, for me, Lord, stop short skirts and bring back two refills per prescription on Valium.

It's my Christmas gift to you. Uh-huh. So, how do you like your present? Like it? L-Like it? I love it. It's perfect. How-How did you know? Well, it was either that, or a shirt.

It's my Christmas gift to you. / Uh-huh. / So, how do you like your present? / Like it? L-Like it? I love it. It's perfect. How-How did you know? / Well, it was either that, or a shirt.

Come on, let's just pretend, you know... I don't want... I don't want to... Alex, come on, we'll just pretend it's New Year's Eve. Okay? Right here. No, we don't have to do this. Four... Phyllis... Three... Oh, come on, Phyllis. Two... Please, please. One. Why don't you just make it a nice... ♪ Should auld acquaintance ♪ Phyllis, Phyllis, stop that. ♪ Be forgot ♪ Phyllis, Phyllis, stop that. I'm not gonna do it, Phyllis.