Take My Ex Wife Please

Well, you're kind of cute. / I was afraid there for a moment you wouldn't notice.

Hey, Jim, you're speaking French. / Moi?

Thank you very much. I am a dope.

Where are lonely, desperate women usually seated in the better restaurants? / Table four.

I know, I came here years ago when they only had one brick wall.

Uh, how long have you two been twins?

I feel silly, right, but I love feeling silly.

Egg split in the womb, huh?

You've lost weight. / Yeah, 35 pounds. / Wow, how'd you do that? / The grief diet. Your husband divorces you and then you cry and vomit for three months.

Is it rude to talk to yourself with your mouth full?

Oh, well, then what is a big night? Triplets?

I mean, uh, if you were walking down the street and a safe was about to fall on you, I would yell, 'Look out'.

when I'm this vulnerable, when I'm this manipulative

I love divorced women. I love women who just broke up with guys. I live on the rebound. I love the rebound. I am the rebound.

You want desperate women? Desperate, desperate, women? I know where to go where there are girls who just failed their bar exam.

The greatest date I ever had was with a girl who flunked the police academy because she couldn't do 12 push-ups. At least, not on the exam.

Thanks for sharing that with me, Louie. Excuse me, I have to go boil my ears now.

Pearls.

I'll wait.

No. Good.

you're also really easy on the blinkers.

But I didn't say when.

this would be my first and last chance to ever spend even a little time with a really elegant woman.

this may be a sewer, but that doesn't mean it can't have its daisies.

I was afraid there for a moment you wouldn't notice.

Maybe I shouldn't do this, you know? / I hope I'm not dreaming.

Bingo!

The answer is right under your nose, but then again, what isn't?

I remember once you got mad because I used your comb.

Oh, it sickens me to say this, Alex, but, uh, he's right.

I'll admit he won't make anybody forget Paul Newman. Or Edwin Newman. Or Alfred E.

I welcome the opportunity to cower in your toilet.

canapés... and oxygen.

and they are sending up champagne... canapés... and oxygen.

It's nice to see someone not caught up in the exercise fads.

I have my own form of exercise. Ee-ee, ee-ee, ee-ee.

I have my own form of exercise. Ee-ee, ee-ee, ee-ee.

What are you, some kind of weirdo?

And I thought you two wouldn't hit it off.

No real person acts like that.

What is there, some kind of weird place in Manhattan where you rent out these guys?

And I really know that you're worried about just even going on a date with me 'cause you're afraid that suddenly I'll drive you crazy, and then I'll be neurotic, and I'll be crazy, you know, be demanding and...

But I can't.

Am I crazy? I get a kick out of that guy.