Alex The Gofer

Like in No Strings, where they eliminated the violins and put the brass and the woodwinds right on stage, whereas in Man of La Mancha, they put them backstage, separated between the two wings. And of course, there was that wonderful way that Andrei Serban orchestrated the instruments and the human voices placed within the set in his Greek Trilogy at the La MaMa theater.

Uh, are you an actor?

Well, wait a minute. I like to think a man is never too old to be a flunky.

Something terrible has just happened. What?! I've forgotten why I'm doing this.

I don't know. Now, what are you worried about, Latka? This is America. We got a thing here called sick pay. Oh! Oh, good, good. You pay me ten bucks, you can go home.

You're gonna take aspirin and go right to bed with a pumpkin.

I used to live on a commune, and although those who slept with pumpkins did, in fact, seem to be healthier... so did those that slept with many other vegetables.

How do you tell 'em apart? They're numbered.

Yeah, stop me before I make another one, please.

Don't say another word. Please, don't take the fun out of this for me. Louie... Basically, I'm a sportsman.

I give myself five minutes.

Where is Tony taking Alex?

Louie's entire game setup with Iggy to extract Alex's location

Because this really feels right, so, uh, I guess that means you're gonna give me the job, right? Because, otherwise, I'd be nervous, huh?

You don't want to give me the job because you're afraid you'll feel kind of awkward bossing around a guy who's older than you, right? No. No, we like that.

Oh, I get it. You're kidding. Yeah, sort of wry? Huh? A little playful? Broadway hip, huh? Tender, but tough?

Oh, right... yes... lunch.

But what really rankles me is having great ideas and not even be able to say 'em out loud.

Well, the other reason I kept quiet was because I-I didn't have a really great idea.

Because I, uh, I've formed certain attachments that are very real to me here.

I always knew that you would be the first guy to dig himself out of this slime.

He must have the cruddiest job in the world!

I'll tell ya because... by my telling you, I'm giving you the chance to turn your life around and become a decent man.

I'm betting that when I tell you, you won't go. I'm betting you're about to be saved.

Go celebrate your newfound virtue! Another sinner saved! Hallelujah!

Look, all they have to do is go to a side set where nobody can hear them but they can be seen. You know, like in Death of a Salesman.

Alex, I don't want to seem rude, but we'll save the living theater. You take care of the patty melts.

Because, this time, my skin cries out for your touch. Your mouth. Your lips. Your chest.

What are you doing?! What is with this guy?

You know, I bet I took my watch off and left it on the table and you put it in with the rest of the garbage.

I will never tell anybody about what I saw.

You knew you were nothing and you were great at it.

Hey, hey, Reiger, it's like if you got a nose job. I mean, you'd be walking around with this little nose saying, 'Hi, I'm Alex Reiger.' And everybody would say, 'That's cute, but we want the real Reiger, the one with the honker down to here.'

Alex, you're an errand boy. Yeah? Well, not all the time. That's true. Sometimes you're a trash compactor!

Ooh! Egg salad!

Now, if you'll excuse me, Louie, I'm wanted out front.

Oh, excuse me, would you run lines with me, please?