Simka Gravas

Yackavay.

How long have you been in this country? / Oh, thank you.

What brought you to our country? / America.

I was disappointed. / Well, he thought it was going to be about mechanics.

Well, I am a mountain person! And this is for my mother! And this is for my father! This is for my grandfather! / I hope you have a small family.

They have a rake which goes around and cleans up after the horses, and they need people to sit on it to make it heavy. I am the one in the middle.

Elaine, you know what it feels like to be used, taken advantage of and then thrown away like an old shoe? Does she.

Simka. Latka. Simka.

Yes, he's kookiputz.

Both! That's what I love about you, you eat like a swine.

you have my name tattooed on your right thigh. Oh, I don't! Hey, okay, the evening's young.

Well, in my country, there is only one thing a girl can say to that, which is one of the reasons I left.

Well, for instance, you can say, that you were up all night with him, and you discussed, uh, whether the Today show is better with Bryant Gumbel. I cannot say that.

Did I whimper? Was I... clumsy? No, you were wonderful! Then it wasn't me.

I hate you and I never want to see you again, and thanks for a wonderful night!

then you're hitting nail with your head, buddy boy!

That's it? You're just going to grepse at me?

I'm just glad you're not a leper.

You... You have grabbed the nose of the Gewirtzal

Almost more than ever.

Never have I felt a man's warm, moist lips pressing against my waiting mouth.

the air humid... Simka! Simka!

The kid. Yourself!

watch Richard Simmons so my body will be lean and supple for your return

So they found you one

I think we're all going to die

I think we're all going to die. I think love is an illusion.

You did it with another woman!

Here, damn guest. Now, you have no problems. Eat hearty!

Here, damn guest. Now, you have no problems. Eat hearty!

fleshy union

The damn guest is uncomfortable? Oh, are you uncomfortable? No, not really. Then sit down!

Next time, bring some of your damn friends.

CRASH sound as Alex is hit by thrown object

Hi, honey. I'm home. Latka, I am so happy, I... You did it with another woman!

My little fool who has brought us to the brink of ruin.

What kind of slumber is this that... Don't worry. I am awake.

But if it's Louie, will you still love me when I've lost my mind?

I must debase myself with someone with arms of steel.

Please be Louie. Please be Louie.

Oh, the one, the good-looking one with the chest of granite is early, honey.

American girls... That is the stuff. 'Watch out, baby, here we come!'

What's Alex like?! Why are you shouting? I'm not shouting. Yes, you are; you said, 'What's Alex like?!'

I don't know, to the movies or to the gallows, maybe.

Talk is cheap. I want your body.

I just want to have sex with you, and then I'll run along.

See? Smooth, milky white... yours.

Do I mock you because you do not eat animals with cloven hooves unless they chew their cud? No!

Now, peel me like a grape so I can get out of here.

You make me feel like a flying horse!

I have bad news for you, my darling. I have been faithful to you. Oh, no!

You're gonna take aspirin and go right to bed with a pumpkin.

Really? Why? Who would question it?

Louie... Louie, you poor, pathetic thing. You only wanted money because you thought you weren't going to be invited. Oh, Louie. Oh, Louie, Louie, Louie. Poor Louie.

Don't worry about nothin', Alex. I not going to tell nobody about this. If anybody finds out about this, it'll be because Buddy can't keep his mouth shut.

Keps! That's it? If you wanted a bigger blessing, you should've got a elephant.

You know, Alex, the greatest trick that a dog ever did, the one where you point your finger like a gun and you shoot Buddy the Wonder Dog and he staggers, as though mortally wounded, and then he spins around as if he's dying a slow, agonizing death until he shudders, collapses, breathes his last breath, falls over on his back, kicks all four legs up into the air and dies.

You got such a stupid beast!

Either you have sex with me or you freeze to death. Sex. Death.

Talk is cheap. I want your body.

See? Smooth, milky white. Yours.

Do you mock us because you do not eat animals with cloven hooves unless they chew their cud? No!

Now, peel me like a grape, so I can get out of here!

Well, go ahead, Latka, don't be chicken. All right. Chicken.

They would like me to be the ambassador to France

It pays $2.75 a hour

Because I'm the only one who speaks French

Je vais continuer jusqu'à la fin de mes jours

I knew that you would love me enough to do the right thing if I made your life a living hell

It cost six dollars.

Oh, what's that? / The lid.

How would you like to be paid? / Oh, very much.

Uh, eventually.

I wanted that $1,000 so we could afford to have a baby.

You are giving me this $1,000?! No, no, no! I won't take it! Wow! Thank you! God bless you! Oh, our traditions are so beautiful!

It looks likes Uncle Sam exploded in here.

My barbecue chips!

I'm a mad woman that Latka is well rid of. Dear Lord, help me, I'm wacko! I'm wacko! Reiger, I'm wacko.

I'm wacko! Reiger, I'm wacko.

You had just better be talking about little men in blackface who play the banjos, buddy.

You had just better be talking about little men in blackface who play the banjos, buddy.

Maybe we could just work it in to the half-time show at the Super Bowl.

Maybe we could just work it in to the half-time show at the Super Bowl.

Oh, I'm just going up to the roof to sing a few bars of 'I Enjoy Being a Girl' and then I'm gonna jump.

Well then, if there's nothing to be ashamed of, how come it hasn't been the movie of the week?

Now that is exactly what a rational, sane person would wear. Good, I'll change on the bus.

We already got one wrong because you can't tell the difference between Richard Gere and a bald Hindu.

What do you mean, be calm? You wouldn't be so calm if it was you who was gonna get deported.

Well, what's the use of answering the questions if you got them all wrong?