Guess Whos Coming For Brefnish

Louie:You know what? You're my favorite.

Louie:I say that to all of 'em because I'm looking for the one with the best bagonzas.

Louie:You got robbed? What do I care about you? I care about my $200! You dough-brain!

Tony:Louie, I just got mugged!

Louie:Yeah, yeah, that's nice. Where's my money?

Louie:A sneeze? That would've been an improvement.

Louie:A guy doesn't give his name, that's professional.

Louie:Hey, that's not a threat, that's an offer. The guy's giving you options!

Louie:You're fired! Get outta here! Giddy-up! Whoa! Giddy-up!

Simka:You want us to go away? Fine! We go away! But you should know something, Louie—in my country, we have a saying: 'When you chase away your friends, you are left only with your enemies.' And let me tell you something else—you are no friend of mine!

Simka:You want to know about my time in America? Well, I've been here five years and I love it! The people are so friendly, the food is delicious, and the opportunities are endless!

Unknown:No, I meant how have you been doing since you arrived?

Simka:Ah, you're saying I look good! Thank you! Yes, America has been very good to me. I gained only fifteen pounds!

Louie:Hey Simka, you wanna go out sometime? I'll take you to a nice restaurant, buy you a drink, maybe we go back to my place later.

Simka:Louie, what are you talking about?

Louie:Look, I'm trying to speak your language here. Eek eek eek! Ooh ooh ooh! Banana banana!

Simka:A boat.

Latka:The mountain people, they no like the village people. The village people, they no like the mountain people.

Latka:Why? Because the mountain people live in the mountains and the village people live in the village!

Latka:How many mountain people does it take to milk a goat? Absurd physical comedy answer with made-up word

Latka:I teach you English. Is no problem. I know English very good.

Jim:You know, I'd like to tell you about the time I went up to the mountains and met these people...

Tony:No!

Bobby:Please, no!

Alex:We've heard it.

Latka:Many times.

Latka:I will show you the Statue of Liberty, the Empire State Building, the Brooklyn Bridge...

Latka:...and my apartment where we can sit in the dark and cry.

Louie De Palma:They're like a cute little couple because they're always together, always happy, always doing things for each other.

Latka Gravas:That's very sweet, Louie.

Simka Gravas:Yes, we love each other very much.

Louie De Palma:Yeah, well, don't get too comfortable. I've got a mailbox plan that'll separate you two real quick.

Latka:A cute little couple? That's wonderful! We put it on the mailbox!

Simka:On the mailbox?

Latka:Yes! 'A Cute Little Couple' — that's our address now!

Louie:What's with Latka? He's been happy all week.

Bobby:Yeah, I know. It's weird. He keeps humming.

Tony:He told me he's been enjoying his job.

Louie:Enjoying his job? Here? At this garage?

Latka:Yes! I actually like coming to work now.

Bobby:Wait, you like it here?

Latka:I love it! I love the cab, I love the people...

Tony:Hold on. You love working here?

Latka:I don't just love it... I'm passionate about it! This job means everything to me!

Louie:Someone check him for a fever.

Jim:Can I play air hockey with you guys?

Unknown:No.

Jim:Come on, just one game.

Unknown:I said no.

Jim:I'll be real good. I promise.

Unknown:Jim, we don't want you playing.

Jim:But I brought my own paddle!

Unknown:Get out of here!

Bobby Baccalieri:An automat? A subway? A car wash? These are tourist traps!

Simka:I didn't like Grease. I expected it to be about automotive work.

Jim:His acknowledgment that thinking is exhausting for him

Simka:I have a secret! I have been hiding something from you!

Simka:I have a brother! And a sister! And a cousin! And an uncle!

Simka:And they are all coming to visit!

Latka:You hit me once for each one?

Latka:Simka, I'm trying to look you in the eye like the American man does.

Simka:So? Look!

Latka:I'm trying, but you keep moving your head around!

Latka:I have the blues, I need to leave early.

Louie:The blues? Let me tell you about the blues. You gotta have a fever of at least 103, you gotta be coughing up stuff that ain't supposed to come up, and you gotta be missing some body part. You're missing a body part?

Latka:No.

Louie:Then you ain't sick. Unless you're a woman, then you can go home anytime.

Latka:You date mountain girl, you got problems. She take you to meet her family, they live in cave. Her father, he come at you with rifle. Her mother, she cook on rock. And the children - they swing from rope, they eat raw meat, they not know what is fork.

Latka:But worst part? Her ex-boyfriend - he is pig. Big pig. And they have three children together. Pig children. She want you to help raise them. You gotta feed the pig, you gotta clean up after pig, you gotta tuck in little pig babies at night.

Latka:This worse than anything I ever see. Even worse than time my cousin marry the goat.

Alex:His passionate speech about love

Alex:I might kiss Simka myself

Louie:In love? Listen, Latka, love is like a car engine. You gotta keep it running, change the oil, rotate the tires, and every once in a while you gotta take it out back and beat it with a hammer to keep it from falling apart.

Elaine:I'm going to report you to the labor board!

Louie:Oh yeah? Well I'll report you for insubordination!

Elaine:I'll sue you for harassment!

Louie:I'll countersue for defamation!

Elaine:I'll call the police!

Louie:I'll call the mob!

Elaine:Oh!

Louie:Why, I oughta...

Elaine:Louie, you can't keep Latka here against his will. Let him go.

Louie:Oh yeah? And who's gonna make me?

Elaine:I will.

Louie:You? Ha! That's a good one.

Elaine:I'm serious, Louie. Let him go now.

Louie:Or what? You'll do what?

Louie:Okay, okay! He's free to go. No problem. Go on, Latka, get outta here.

Simka:I got a job at the race track! I'm a jockey!

Simka:But is very strange system they have. They say the horse, he must carry weight. So they put lead on the saddle.

Simka:But then they say, 'Simka, you are too heavy.' So they say I must be the lead!

Latka:I love you so much, I would give up everything for you.

Latka:I would give up my cab, my apartment, my country...

Latka:But I would never give up my mother's meatballs.

Latka:Simka, you know what love is? Love is when you willing to do anything for someone. Anything! Even things that make you look like a fool in front of everybody.

Latka:That's how I know I love you, because I do plenty of foolish things, and I don't even care who sees!

Latka:I tell my family I'm dating a mountain girl.

Latka's Uncle:Mountain girl? That's good! You take her to dark place, she not know where she is!

Latka:Simka, why you so mad at me? I do something wrong?

Simka:Wrong? Everything is wrong, Latka!

Latka:Oh, I know what this is! You playing hard to get! This is good, I like this game. You want me to chase you, eh? Very sexy!

Latka:You know, John, Simka's new boyfriend, he's a very nice man. Very polite, very respectful. I think maybe he's good enough for my Simka.

John:Well, thank you, Latka. That means a lot coming from you.

Latka:You know, John, you seem too perfect. There must be something wrong with you.

John:Well, I don't know what to tell you, Latka. I'm just a regular guy.

Latka:No, no, nobody is this perfect. You must have some flaw, some weakness.

John:I'm sorry to disappoint you, but I really don't.

Latka:Wait... you mean to tell me you're actually perfect?

John:I suppose so, yes.

Latka:You got a sister?

Latka:You have a sister?

Latka:You mean there are more women like this?

Latka:Where do I find them?

Latka:Simka, you are wonderful woman. You make me happy, you make me laugh, you make me feel alive.

Latka:But is your fault I am leaving. You are too good to me. You spoil me. Now I cannot live without you.

Latka:So I go. I go find someone who treat me bad, so I appreciate what I had.

Latka:You know, in my country, we have saying: 'A man go up mountain, he find what he looking for.'

Tommy:Yeah? What's that?

Latka:Peace of mind. Someone to love. Reason to wake up in morning.