Latka is eagerly anticipating a reunion with his ex-girlfriend from the old country, Simka. She arrives at the garage and while Latka is in the bathroom, Alex warns her of Latka's multiple personalities. Sure enough, at Latka's apartment later, Vic Ferrarri makes his appearance and seduces Simka. Much to Latka's dismay, soon his alter-ego, Vic, and Simka seem to be an item. Alex encourages Latka to fight Vic for Simka, which he does in hilarious fashion and Vic never returns.
Simka's return generates 34 jokes in 24 minutes, but 75-point score reflects uneven emotional pacing.
Directed by Michael Zinberg · Written by Howard Gewirtz
WAR
25.8
Wins Above Replacement
“Simka Returns” ranks #68 of 114 Taxi episodes on the Humor Index, scoring 75.6 — Great. The episode packs 34 scored jokes at 2.2 per minute, averaging 7.0 on craft and 6.6 on impact, with Latka landing the most laughs. Every joke is ranked below with its individual craft and impact scores.
Get weekly comedy rankings
Join comedy fans getting new analyses, score drops, and the funniest moments each week. Free, no spam.
Top Jokes
Latka: You better watch out, or I'm gonna call you a big... meanie!
Latka Setup/Punchline Character Comedy Jim: You think I'm acting odd? Let me explain something. Every single day I wake up, I look in the mirror, and I see a guy who's trying to make sense of a world that doesn't make any sense. So if I seem a little strange to you, well, maybe that just means I'm paying attention.
Jim Setup/Punchline Absurdist ★ Rewatch Latka: She leave the toothpaste cap off. She not organize the spice rack by alphabetical and cuisine type. She leave the windows open during pollen season.
Latka: But worst of all... she cause the Ice Age! She responsible for the extinction of the dinosaurs! She make Atlantis sink!
Latka Escalation Character Comedy Latka: How was I?
Simka: You were wonderful.
Latka: Couldn't have been me.
Vic: I want to love you.
Simka: In my country, they would not allow this.
Simka Setup/Punchline Character Comedy All Jokes — 34 analyzed
Show all ↓ Hide ↑ Louie: You know what they should call it? Three Faces of Weird.
Louie Setup/Punchline Character Comedy Louie: Okay, okay, I'll be more sensitive. I can do this. I'm a caring, compassionate person. I will listen to people's feelings and...and...and...
Louie: You know what? Forget it. Get outta here!
Louie Setup/Punchline Character Comedy Latka: I shaved my back once.
Latka Setup/Punchline Absurdist Latka: I don't like American women. I have very good reason.
Latka: Every time I ask one out, she say no. So I don't like them.
Jim: You think I'm acting odd? Let me explain something. Every single day I wake up, I look in the mirror, and I see a guy who's trying to make sense of a world that doesn't make any sense. So if I seem a little strange to you, well, maybe that just means I'm paying attention.
Jim Setup/Punchline Absurdist ★ Rewatch Simka: Elaine, you mean to tell me that man used you and then just... discarded you like you were nothing?
Louie: Yeah, what's the big surprise? That's what happens to all of 'em with her.
Latka: Simka...
Simka: Latka...
Latka: Simka...
Simka: Latka...
Latka: I speak the English pretty good now, you bet, Joe!
Latka Character Comedy Wordplay/Pun Tony Banta: This is like watching Body Heat.
Bobby Baccalieri: What are you talking about? That's the most romantic thing I've ever seen.
Simka: Schtimpkrantz! That's what Latka has - schtimpkrantz!
Simka Character Comedy Wordplay/Pun Latka: Simka, you want the rump? Very tender, very juicy.
Simka: No, no. Give me the shoulder.
Latka: The shoulder, good choice. Very lean, very flavorful.
Simka: What else you got?
Latka: Oh, we got the loin, the ribs, the neck—all very good parts of the warthog.
Latka Character Comedy Absurdist Latka: I love that you eat like a swine.
Simka: Thank you!
Simka: Lonely nights, Latka. So many lonely nights.
Latka: But my darling, we have the moonlight, we have the stars, we have the meatloaf my mother made, and the potatoes she prepared with such love. These are not lonely things—these are the treasures of our hearts!
Latka Character Comedy Callback Callback Vic: What is that smell? It smells like something died!
Vic: I stayed at a Ramada Inn in Rumania once that smelled better than this.
Vic Character Comedy Setup/Punchline Vic: You leave me, I'm gonna take the car, the furniture, the kids, and I'm gonna leave you a note that says 'So long, sucker.'
Vic Setup/Punchline Character Comedy Vic: I can tell a lot about a person just by looking at them. You, for instance - you're the type who likes people, but you also value your privacy. You have ambitions, but you're also content with simple pleasures. You can be stubborn, but you're also willing to compromise when it matters.
Simka: How did you know all that?
Vic: It's psychology. Cold reading. I could say the same thing about anyone in this room and I'd be right.
Vic Character Comedy Setup/Punchline Vic: You got my name tattooed on your thigh.
Simka: I do not!
Vic: The night is young.
Vic: I want to love you.
Simka: In my country, they would not allow this.
Simka Setup/Punchline Character Comedy Latka: What did you tell them we were doing?
Simka: I told them we were just talking.
Latka: Talking? Is that all?
Simka: Well... we were talking... and other things.
Latka: How was I?
Simka: You were wonderful.
Latka: Couldn't have been me.
Latka: She leave the toothpaste cap off. She not organize the spice rack by alphabetical and cuisine type. She leave the windows open during pollen season.
Latka: But worst of all... she cause the Ice Age! She responsible for the extinction of the dinosaurs! She make Atlantis sink!
Latka Escalation Character Comedy Simka: I am leaving you, Latka! This is finished!
Simka: But thank you, Vic, for a wonderful evening.
Simka Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy Tony: I'll help you out, Latka. What's the problem?
Latka: Well, Tony, I have this woman, but she has multiple personalities.
Tony: Multiple personalities? Forget it. I'm out.
Latka: Vic's whole life... it's right here in his pockets.
Latka: A stick of gum, thirty-seven cents, and a phone number he'll never call.
Alex: There are women who prefer innocent qualities.
Latka: I already asked all of them.
Alex: You're not just going to mope around, are you?
Latka: Mope? No, no, no. I'm going to mope, I'm going to cry, I'm going to sit in the dark and listen to my polka records backwards.
Latka: You're a two-bit bossa nova!
Latka Character Comedy Wordplay/Pun Latka: You better watch out, Vic, or I'm gonna get rough with you!
Alex: Yeah, I'd hate to be in your shoes, Vic.
Latka: I am so lovesick, I cannot concentrate on my driving. Yesterday I pick up passenger, I am thinking about Simka the whole time. I run red light, I hit another cab, I drive into fountain!
Latka: The passenger, he say to me, 'Hey, watch where you're going!' I say, 'Sorry, I am in love!' He say, 'Well, pull over and call a doctor because you are a menace to society!'
Latka Character Comedy Escalation Simka: You only want physical pleasure from me!
Vic: That's not true, Simka. I also enjoy the spiritual and emotional aspects of our relationship.
Vic Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy Simka: Vic, you gotta go away. You drive me crazy!
Vic: What are you talking about? I'm a good guy!
Simka: You know what they say - you really hit the buddy boy on the head!
Simka Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy Vic: It's not you, it's me. Actually, it is you. But I'm going to need you to sign these forms acknowledging that you assume all liability for the emotional damage. I'm going to need three copies, notarized, with a rider covering acts of God and sudden mood changes. Consider this my 30-day cancellation notice on our relationship. There's a $50 early termination fee, but I'm willing to waive it if you don't contest the claim.
Vic Character Comedy Wordplay/Pun Latka: You better watch out, or I'm gonna call you a big... meanie!
Latka Setup/Punchline Character Comedy Latka: I try to be direct, no beating around the bush.
Latka: I go straight to bush, I beat on it good.
Latka Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy