Tonys Lady

Hey, beautiful co-workers. What a day it is to be young, gifted and Vic.

You know, I'm getting used to Latka with these multiple personalities, but when he's Vic, he's such a slimy lounge lizard.

I'm just getting sick and tired of that little foreign wimp, Latka Gravas.

Would you please do me a favor? ... Why don't you take little Captain Crud aside sometime and teach him how to operate a rag, okay?

What are you going to be, a door-to-door simpleton?

So what's the new job? I'm gonna be a chauffeur.

Talk about the Renaissance man.

That's great, Banta. You be nice to her, and maybe she'll let you walk her poodles. Be real nice to her, maybe she'll let you eat with them.

Oh, my! What a surprise. Grease and oil in an engine? Are my eyes deceiving me?

Listen, Vic is a fussbudget and a pain in the yaktabe.

Mrs. Longworth? Miss. Oh, you can call me Christina. And you're? Very grateful.

If there is, I can't see it from here.

And which do you prefer, uh, Christina or Peggy? Tony, Peggy is a nickname for Margaret. My nickname is Tina.

Except my brother... who calls me collect.

Hey, you, suck eggs! I'm sorry. I mean, uh... I mean, uh... I mean, exercise some caution, will you, fellow?

No, no, I can't see nothing from here. Yeah, but I met some real important people. Well, I don't want to brag, Alex. Well, but just to mention a few... The governor's chauffeur, the mayor's chauffeur.

What will you do when you ask me to leave and I don't? What, then, jerk? I don't know. I guess I'd break your face.

That settled it.

Oh, I wasn't worried. I mean, size isn't nearly as important as ability. You know, I was a professional boxer. I've been beat up by guys half his size.

I win on a TKO. Manzo can't come out of his corner 'cause I'm making him nauseous. That was a joke.

You know, in his prime, he was considered one of the best middleweights of all time. But by the time I fought him, he was 43. I mean, his reflexes were off, his timing was bad, his punches were weak. With a couple of breaks, I might have beat him. That one was serious.

How about that? All these years of boxing finally paid off. I have amusing anecdotes.

These could've been the greatest dates of my life if they had been dates. I'm never going to have better dates than these, and I never had these.

'Aw, Tony'? You understood that? No. But he looks so sad.

She's the classiest lady I ever met. She's like a princess, she's like a goddess, she's like a Vegas showgirl.

When was the last time you ended an evening by telling your date to wax the car?

I once lived with a woman for three years before I realized I loved her. In fact, I lived with her for three years before I realized I lived with her.

What a woman. I might have married her. Why didn't you? I said I might have. I don't remember.

That's unique, Tony. But for God's sake, go easy on her.

Oh, it was a beautiful spring day. I fell in love with him that afternoon. Yeah? How'd it turn out? Oh, not so good. I married him.

Banta, this is touching a chord in my heart.

Oh, yeah, the prison guard.

When she did a grand jete, it could make you cry.

I know a spot on a woman's body that turns her to jelly.

Well, if that works so great for you, Louie, why aren't you constantly surrounded by beautiful women? Because it's not an easy spot to get to.

Take off your right shoe, Nardo. Drop dead. See, I told you it was a tough spot to get to.

It doesn't matter, I'm always having a luau.

♪ Here I come to save the date. ♪

You use this little goodie, and I promise it'll be full speed ahead from 'Can I buy you a drink?' to 'How do you like your eggs?'

No, no, no, Tony, you don't need any lines. I don't have any lines. Or any women, either, eh, Mahatma?

Yikes! This don't even rhyme. That's right, I was hoping it did.

How cold is your hand when not properly gloved... The sky is blue... And here comes the hardest part, Christina, which I like even better than Wheatina.

Christina, I can't go on with this charade anymore. I was wrong about everything, I'm sorry. I love you. I need you. Marry me. Oh, yes, Nick. Yes.

Romance never works out. Only in fiction. I want to live in fiction. It wouldn't even have to be 'Wuthering Heights.' I'd settle for 'Nancy and Sluggo.'

The first time my heart was broken was in the ninth grade, and I got over it. A couple of years ago.

Well, we're going out tonight collecting aluminum cans. Crazy world.