Hilary Gets A Job

Philip · Vivian:When Vivian asks if she's just a bustline to him, Philip responds 'Did you say something, honey?'

Will · Vivian:Will suggests Carlton's musical taste came from Vivian listening to 'It's a Small World After All' while pregnant

Vivian:Vivian tells Will 'Hands off the fetus'

Will:Will suggests the African name 'Brother Outaphilia'

Will:Brother Outaphilia

Will:Will says about Hilary and Carlton: 'they a couple of wings short of a bucket'

Hilary · Philip:Hilary immediately proves Will's point by asking Philip to increase her credit card limit

Carlton:V-neck!

Will:Will responds 'Coincidence? I think not.'

Philip:Philip asks if he has to sit through Carlton's Urkel impression again

Philip · Carlton:Philip tells Carlton 'No, and get some Binaca' after Carlton stares him in the eye

Carlton · Philip:Carlton asks for $75,000 allowance raise, justifying it as 'The book says start high'

Carlton · Philip:I'd like a raise in my allowance. - All right, how much? - $75,000.

Carlton:Carlton says 'Now I can stop taking money from your wallet' when Philip offers $3 more

Hilary:Hilary says 'This is the last time I shop here for fruit' about the grocery store

Carlton:Carlton suggests putting a bell around Hilary's neck so they know when she's coming

Hilary:When asked what she has to say for herself, Hilary responds 'I'm not pregnant'

Hilary:Hilary asks 'Why don't you just beat me with a wire hanger?' when told to get a job

Will:Will brags about being on the news 'without handcuffs'

Will:Will says the protest 'would even made Gandhi proud. Except we went out for burgers afterwards'

Will:Will admits his social consciousness comes from a girl on the swim team teaching him the breaststroke

Hilary:Yeah, polyester.

Hilary · Geoffrey:Hilary says the reporter is cute and wonders why she's never seen him, Geoffrey responds 'Probably 'cause this is the news and he's never been on Studs'

Family:After Hilary's self-pity about having no job and being nobody, the family shouts 'Shut up!' because they're trying to watch TV

Will:Will raps on TV news: 'I'm for the rec center because that's where I do most of my rec centering'

Will on TV:When I got home late from the grocery store, Mama said, 'Lock him out!' Now I know why Pops had to go 'Cause Mama is way whacked out!

Will:Will complains about Black people always 'singing or dancing' on TV with 'curlers in their head or out of activator'

Carlton:What's activator?

Carlton:Carlton's nonsensical comparison: 'Was it fair when Bambi's mother died? Or is it fair that the coyote still can't catch the roadrunner?'

Will:Will responds to Carlton's cartoon philosophy: 'If life was fair, then your legs wouldn't be shorter than your arms'

Carla:Receptionist Carla says about a caller: 'Just another lonely white woman wanting to sleep with you' then 'She's my mother'

Will:When Will tries to compliment Hilary, he struggles and settles on 'your hat always matches your shoes'

Carla:When Hilary 'accidentally' drops her wallet near Trevor, Carla says 'if your horny friend wants to meet Trevor, he's down the hall'

Carla:But you'll have to fight my mother for him.

Howard:Howard says 'Ethnic is definitely a way to go' about Will, misunderstanding his point entirely

Mike:Mail cart Mike says 'I'm 60 and I'm pushing a mail cart. Do I look like I can help you?'

Hilary:When asked about weather, Hilary responds 'What happens when it rains? You send Geoffrey out to get the car'

Howard:Will protests his treatment and Howard responds 'That's why I'm making her our new weather girl' pointing to Hilary

Howard:Howard says 'I love a screamer' after Hilary gets excited about the job

Will:It's 'cause I'm black. That's what the thing is.

Carlton · Will:Carlton asks 'Haven't you learned anything living with me the past two years?' Will responds 'What, you mean other than the words to Mandy?'

Will:Will says about Carlton's previous sharing: 'Last time you shared something with me... I was on antibiotics for two weeks'

Philip:Uncle Phil starts singing 'We Shall Overcome' after being manipulated by Will

Carlton:When Hilary describes her new job, Carlton panics: 'Oh, my God! She's gonna be a hooker!'

Philip:Philip says 'With any luck, she'll be off my property before I'm dead'

Carlton:Carlton demands Will 'Hop on one foot and say, Carlton is king' for negotiating help

Will · Carlton:Will responds 'How about I squeeze your neck till your head pops off?' and Carlton says 'See, you're negotiating already'

Carlton:Carlton advises 'You gotta lie to get what you want. Didn't you watch the Republican convention?'

Carla:When Will threatens to storm the set, Carla asks 'Will you be needing wardrobe?'

Trevor:Trevor says about the previous weather person: 'I'm gonna miss Lou.' Someone corrects 'I thought his name was Jack.' Trevor: 'Whatever.'

Trevor:Hi, I'm Trevor Collins and these are my real teeth.

Trevor:Trevor's pickup line: 'I can see myself in them. Don't blink.'

Trevor:News transition: 'Well, on a brighter note, Jack, our weather man, died.'

Hilary:Hilary's weather report: 'That's right, girls, it's a frizzy-hair day.'

Hilary:Hilary's beach advice: 'remember... you can help keep America beautiful with two simple words... Jenny Craig.'

Howard:Howard reacts to Will's hijacking: 'Oh, my God, can we get a close-up? I am so choked up at this moment.'

Trevor:Trevor's Freudian slip: 'We will certainly be looking forward to seeing more of your warm front. I mean, the warm front.'

Will · Hilary:Hilary, your hair's on fire. - Thanks.

Hilary · Trevor:Hilary says goodnight to Trevor who responds 'Good night and Godspeed' - his sign-off