Hot Girl

why am i getting fired? You're not getting fired. It's redundancy.

Or one of the lucky ones in my opinion!

Anton's not disabled. - He's a midget. Yeah, but you're not disabled if you're a midget. That's just small.

Ronnie corbett doesn't get special treatment. He's five foot. Anton's three foot four. So are some children. Children aren't disabled, are they?

Children don't work in warehouses.

A dwarf has disproportionately short arms and legs. Oh, i know the ones. It's caused by a hormone deficiency. Yeah. Bloody hormones.

So what's an elf? Do you want to answer that?

An elf is a supernatural being. Sometimes they're invisible, like fairies. They don't actually exist, do they? In real life?

'It's been imposed upon me!' Yeah. What do you want me to say, i'm sorry? Yeah. I want you to say you're sorry.

So is a pixie the same as an elf? Hold on, gareth. I just want to know how he knows so much about midgets.

It's called an education.

So what's a goblin? How long will you be?

I know i probably seem an imposing figure now - you know, the slick boss - but get to know me, you'll see i'm mad.

You can all use her - as the actress said to the bishop.

David, can i just ask why you've hired yourself a new secretary when you're having to fire people like alex? Different people, different jobs.

To whit, the answer to the question, is it people or task is - well, you know - people.

Like this person. Kojak. David, what i want to know... kojak we call him.

I'm thinking of other weird-looking bald people. That one on benny hill? Oh, yeah.

Walk this way. Quack, quack, quack! Always start with a joke.

You might want to make notes.

I'm not thinking of leaving, i am leaving.

I don't want to put words in your mouth, but what sort of a boss would you say i am? I'm a... good boss, yeah. He said good. No. You're a great boss.

it's not because you asked dawn out and she said no? I didn't ask her out. It was as a friend. It was as a friend. Put friend. Put friend down.

i feel a little bit like i'm wasting my time. That life's too short. Exactly. Thank you.

I've got paper stories that'll crack you up. That's true. Hilarious. Put hilarious.

I think it was john lennon who said... 'life is what happens when you're making other plans.' Though he also said, 'i am the walrus, i am the eggman', so i don't know what to believe!

no, you listen to me, 'tim'. When you first came here, you didn't know about the paper industry.

That he doesn't want! I didn't ask you. You asked me how i felt... i don't want to know now.

Don't say out there what you said in here, apart from the good boss.

Don't be like that at the party!

Yeah. I hope they get rid of me Then i might get off my arse and do something.

I don't think it's many little girls' dream to be a receptionist.

tim says it's better to be at the foot of a ladder you want to climb than halfway up one you don't.

wake up in five years and say, 'shit! Done it again.'

Could you not do that here, mate? Not do that here? I've got to do it, mate. Really. No chance you could throw it in the bin?

Yeah, and i'll take them round to rival companies and hand them out.

Gareth, can you keep it down a bit? Hmm? Can you stop it? Yeah. I'll just do it like this.

Have you been fired? No. I've been made into a partner.

They've made you a partner? That'll be wernham hogg taylor clark. They'll have to change the stationery. I think we'll get a discount. 40% sometimes.

Voted for me 5-2? There's only seven on the board. Five out of seven. That's a landslide.

there is the emotion as 'good in business' syndrome, sure, notwithstanding the cruel to be kind scenario...

You're not looking at the whole pie. Wernham hogg is one big pie and if i'm in charge of that big pie, i'll be in charge of... the people are the fruit.

What's five out of seven as a percentage? Er... 70%. 71.4.

You don't need luck when you've got 71% of the population behind you.

well, there's good news and bad news. The bad news is neil will be taking over both branches and some of you will lose your jobs.

On a more positive note, the good news is i've been promoted. So... every cloud...

You're still thinking about the bad news. There's no good news. It's bad news and irrelevant news.

That's not a phrase though. 'I've got bad news and irrelevant news.' You could have told us about neil and kept your promotion to yourself.

We're going to lose our jobs! You're not all going to. God! Just... you're not going to lose your job. You're not going to. You know... you're not going to.

I can't believe it. After all the things he said, it's just... i'm in shock. Sold us out. Wanker.

No. I'll be getting a proper assistant - a p.a. A lady? Hopefully, yeah. Not 'cause of that, just...

Territorial? No. Regular? Yeah. What rank? Sergeant, i think. What are you? Lieutenant, sir.

You're a soldier. Yeah? Eh? Yeah? Stiff upper lip and all that, eh? Spirit of the dambusters. Yeah? The squadron never dies, does it?

Before he goes into battle, he's playing with his dog. Nigger. That's not offensive. That's the dog's name. It's the '40s, before racism was bad.

The dog was called nigger. Don't keep saying it.

Take anything you want. To keep? Yup. I'll have the guitar. Not the guitar. I meant stationery. Something i can re-order.

Like confetti. Could be used as confetti, yeah. Check with the vicar first, always.

I'm not doing this for an esther rantzen heart of gold, or if esther's handing out awards, then do it for my charity work. Five fun runs in two years.

that's the most profound thing you've ever said. You do that and foreigners, women or the disabled take advantage of it. Can i withdraw my last comment?

You think you're so... just 'cause you got a bit of donna, and i played by the rules 'cause she was out of bounds. You sneaked in. I'd have got a bit if i'd known it was up for grabs.

I'd have done her, but that would be shitting on your own doorstep. Anyway, i don't do sloppy seconds.

It's phrases like sloppy seconds which make her out of your league.

i told them to shove their job up their arses! So you're staying here? Yes. We all are.

hip hip hooray for david brent! Hip hip... stop it. Seriously. Move on. Let's move on.

Did you ask my girlfriend out? Eh? No. You hit on someone's girlfriend? No. I can't let that go. No. Listen... we've got a problem.

It was just a soldier to cry on. A soldier? Shoulder. A soldier? Are you bent or something?

Is this a wind-up? Yeah. Sorry, mate. Don't do that, man! Having a laugh. I'm sorry.

that's the thing about leadership. Sometimes you sacrifice yourself.

I'd believe that if he hadn't jumped on top of you. Actually, i was on top! All right.

And they probably did oral.

Ask yourself why i got high blood pressure on the day of the medical. Are you saying you cheated science and faked high blood pressure so you could remain in the job?

What's worse - cheating medical science or cheating friends?

for all your mole knows, they may or may not have said that to me. They may or may not have.

David's made me senior sales clerk. Wow. Um... i thought you wanted to be a psychologist. Oh, yeah. But senior sales clerk is... well, it's 500 quid guaranteed extra a year.

no. Moving up. Yeah? Moving up. Moving up can mean within an internal ladder, framework, or sideways to external, then up. You've got to look at the whole pie vis-à-vis my current life situation.

Vis-à...? Pie...?

The only thing that makes that crazy ride worthwhile is 'did i enjoy it? What was the point?' that's where i come in.

I do it so one day, someone will go, 'there goes david brent. I must remember to thank him.'