Ben Franklin

For your convenience, I've broken it down into three parts: professional resume, athletic and special skills resume, and Dwight Schrute trivia.

How would I describe myself? Three words: hardworking, alpha male, jackhammer. Merciless. Insatiable.

There's nothing on my horizon except everything. Everything is on my horizon.

Ooops. Break's over.

All four parts. Recorded it on my computer. Took me forever.

I called it myself. Just thought you'd get a kick out of the new ring.

I'd just like to say I'm thrilled to be working directly beneath you. I feel I have a lot to learn from you, even though you are younger and have less experience.

Andy and the Tuna.

Andy and the Tuna...

I miss Dwight.

Congratulations, universe. You win.

Was- the top salesman. I said, 'was'.

Addition by subtraction. What does that even mean? That is impossible. Yeah, you're right.

Addition by addition.

How was your gay-cation? That's very funny. Yeah, I thought of that like two seconds after you left.

TGI Wednesday. Am I right? Yeap. Gonna go home, get my beer on, get my Lost on.

I'll take that as a 'Maybe'

Where're you going? Bathroom. Oh, I'm about to go to kitchen. I'll walk with you.

Things are going pretty good. Getting a lot of face time with the boss.

Because I'm gay. No- no- Certain events have transpired, and I've thought about certain things.

Can I join too? Never.

Oh, that wasn't the night crew. That was Dwight. Really? It was very nice of him.

Feel ya, dawg. Yeah, do you? Absolutely. What did I say?

He's always up in my bid-ness, which is Ebonics for 'being in my face and annoying the bejesus out of me.'

Your gayness does not define you. Your Mexicanness is what defines you, to me, and I think we should celebrate Oscar's Mexicanity.

So, Phyllis? I want you to go find firecrackers and a chihuahua.

Why don't you have me riding in on a donkey, into the office, like Pepe? Ah, a burro, of course. If Oscar wants a donkey, let's get him one.

I will literally be standing right here if you need anything at all.

I think I could go for some tuna fish right about now. Got my rod here.

Each file is password-protected with a different mythical creature, so...

Who's that sportscaster that bit that lady? Marv something? Andy is like Marv something.

Do you want to pull a prank on Andy? Not right now. But ask me again ten years ago.

I liked you better as the temp. Me too.

Oh sure. We talk all the time. Really? No. Don't- Don't do that. That's not nice.

Dwight had a big personality and I have a big personality, and a lot of times, when two people like that get together, it can be explosive.

Have you heard of paper? It's gonna be like that, huh? I don't like him, his giant head, or his beady little eyes.

Would you like to pull a prank on Andy? I'm kind of in the middle of ... yes, please.

Large Tuna, have you seen my cell phone device?

[Phone ringing in ceiling - Andy looking around confused]

You know what? Maybe it's in the ceiling. You know what? Maybe you're in the ceiling!

Oh my god. That's half-inch drywall. I think we broke his brain.

Sorry I annoyed you with my friendship.

You should come back. Please. I don't want to do your laundry anymore.

Do you still have feelings for her? [pause] Yes.

I want them sucking up to me because they genuinely love me.