Product Recall

Drew. I'm Drew now. / Oh, Drew. Sorry. / Apology not accepted. / Because it wasn't even necessary in the first place.

new techniques for dealing with the grumpies

No, I'm not gonna call you that. / Cool. / I can't control what you do. I can only control what I do.

It's like slapping someone with silence.

I was shunned from the age of four until my sixth birthday for not saving the excess oil from a can of tuna.

Andy, Dwight says welcome back and that he could use a hug. / Tell him that that's not true. / Dwight says that he actually doesn't know one single fact about bear attacks.

Tell him that bears can climb faster than they can run. / Jim, tell him! / Andy... No, it's too far. / Damn you.

if I know Darryl, it gonna be zoppity

Pudge has driven the forklift. / Madge. / I thought your name was Pudge. / No. It's always been Madge.

Her? Yes, 'Her' is qualified to work a dangerous machine. You are not.

Hey, Darryl, how's it hanging?

Bale 'er? I hardly know her.

Ever since March Madness ended, I am so bored.

It's a big red trash compactor. / It's not a trash compactor! / It's very dangerous, okay. / Don't disrespect a baler, Mike.

Toby now has the floor and he is going to try not to screw this up like everything else in his life. / Let me rephrase that. / I believe that you can do safety training and make it sound just as good as Darryl.

That's like a half an hour, every hour? / Take them at the same time.

Like sometimes computers can explode, can they not? / No. No.

Long johns? / A shawl?

sedimentary lifestyle / Sedentary.

That's called having a fat butt, Michael. / No. No, it's sedentary. / Yeah, that's fat butt disease. / That's what you suffer from? / You have fat butt disease, Michael?

Excuse me, sea monster, you weigh like a thousand pounds. / Yeah? Yeah. / I bet you'd like to swim with this sea monster, wouldn't you?

You live a sweet little nerfy life sitting on your biscuit never having to risk it.

What? So, Nerf isn't cool anymore?

I worked in a warehouse. Men's Wearhouse. I was a greeter.

Hello, I'm Michael. Welcome to Men's Wearhouse. We have a special on khaki pants today.

He has spent hours up here at reception with you. Hours and hours. / Okay. Okay. / No, constantly. Like for years.

Nobody commits suicide because they work with a baler.

and your hair sticks up straight. And you know science.

Indubitably.

Depression. Wolves. / Depression.

A depression quilt. / No time to sew a quilt.

Additionally, Pam, you win $10 because she said 'awesome' 12 times. And Jim, you win $5 because she mentioned six romantic comedies.

Seedless?

Creed is eating an apple. / I found a potato.

If it's Stanley's, call the offices of James P. Albini, see if he handles hate crimes.

Have Padge do it or the sea monster.

I need you to acquire an inflatable house and/or castle. / You mean a Moonbounce. / What do you think? You've got an hour.

Do you want a drawbridge? / Un-shun. / Yeah, that sounds good. Re-shun.

When you land, try and land like an eight-year-old. These bouncy castles are not designed for adults.

Michael is awesome / Jumping off the roof / Bouncing on a bouncy thing / Show them who is boss / Rip a hole in the sun!

Un-shun. I think he's suffering from depression. Re-shun.

Un-shun. Never. Re-shun.

Will I be too warm in a long-sleeved tee? / Everyone's going to be fine in exactly what they're wearing! Let's go!

Depression? Isn't that just a fancy word for feeling bummed out? / Dwight, you ignorant slut.

If John Mellencamp ever wins an Oscar, I am going to be a very rich dude.

Dwight, you ignorant slut!

Well, you know, the first performance was a little off, but I really think they hit their stride in the second show. I might even bring my parents tomorrow to the matinee.

Hey, check it out, there's a castle over there. / Oh, my God, there is a castle. / No. There's nothing to see over there, people. There's nothing to see.

They found the castle, Michael. / Damn it!

He's going to kill himself pretending to kill himself.

Hey, Michael, don't jump on the bouncy castle. You can't do that 'cause you're going to get horribly, horribly injured.

A Repliee-Q-One-Expo female robot. They're only available in Japan. / Dwight, you are such a liar.

You told me that I lead a... A cushy, wimpy Nerf life. / Yeah. / But I never said you had nothing to live for.

The sex isn't nearly as good as it used to be.

Mike, you're a very brave man. I mean it takes courage just to be you. To get out of bed every single day, knowing full well you got to be you.

I couldn't do it. I ain't that strong and I ain't that brave. / I'm braver than you? / Way braver. / You Braveheart, man. / I Braveheart. I am.

Am I a hero? I really can't say, but yes.