Heavy Competition

Turns out there's no limit to the number of cheese puffs you can throw at someone's face.

We're getting pretty good at it.

Several years. Wait, no, that can't be right. No, timeline's messy.

the haunted graveyard of their love

Trust me, you will not be walking, you will be boogying.

$9,000. I don't know, it seems like a lot for an a cappella group from a college we never went to.

These sleeves are cutting off my circulation. There's not enough blood getting to my hands.

Doesn't Charles know he's compromising my attack readiness? It's not a dress code. It's a death sentence.

When Michael was in charge, this place was like the Roman Empire. And the Wild West. And war-torn Poland. And Poland.

And in that chaos, I soared.

It's for your trouble. I don't need $6 to help a friend. No, no, listen, as a friend, I want you to have it.

But don't forget, you owe me $10. That was four years ago. Why don't you let it go?

It's so scary how right the things you're saying are. And you're coming at it with almost no knowledge, so of course I trust your opinion on this.

I know a few things about love. Horrible, terrible, awful, awful things.

Also, try to discuss it over Indian food, and try to mention how you distrust women.

I'm not gonna do that. That is smart. That would not seem genuine. Ryan? I can get there.

U-G-L-Y, you ain't got no alibi, you ugly. Your mama say you ugly, hey! Go Michael Scott Paper Company!

I'm here. I'm part of this now.

I prefer to stand. Less blood clots.

Like a wolf, thank you.

Oh, no, is it Mose? Did you put the cover on that well?

No, Mose is fine. I roped it off.

Very cool, very Will Smith-esque

So is this for a movie that you're writing? No. Can I use it? No!

I'm not a barbarian.

Is the cool new guy Charles? I've said too much. Is it Stanley?

I mean, I'm so happy. I'm so happy! Like, total freedom, you know?

Let me be your traveling pants.

What'd you do that for? You know what I was doing. Okay. Totally.

Oh, my God, run, run! It's a setup! It's a setup! Dwight, run!

I understand nothing.

It's like a girl says she'll make out with you, but then her boyfriend is waiting around the corner with a pee-filled balloon.

I got hit in the face with a pee-filled water balloon, Pam, okay? I don't know how they did it. They filled the balloon with pee. A funnel. I don't know!

When I look in the mirror, I don't like the face that looks back. Well, so what? Your body's a 10.

I am going to steal all of your clients, and then I am going to kill them in front of you.

Bill Cosby.

And you have bad skin. Look, everyone, we're all making observations!

I spent a month putting that Rolodex on his BlackBerry, which he now uses as a nightlight.

I thought Michael Scott left the paper business after his nervous breakdown.

Master and apprentice pitted against one another for the fate of the greater Scranton area paper market. So it's not exactly like Highlander, but still.

At what time? Noon. You have two seconds.

I hit a bear. He's technically fine. I imagine the true horror will be when he wakes up in a zoo.

You? Me. What about our truce? I broke it. On purpose? Yes.

And I knew that you would do that. Their meatball parm is their worst sandwich!

I was just calling to see if Michael Scott Paper was meeting all of your paper needs, and how is Brenda, age four, ponytail, and Simon, age seven?

Schrute comma Dwight. And on the back he wrote, 'Great salesman, better friend.' 'Tall' and 'Beets.'

And say hello to Shari, who is your black wife.

It is like you are buying software from Bill Gates. Are you saying you invented paper?

Jim Halpert is very upset and disturbed. I don't know if it was something you did, something you said, a look you gave him. Maybe it was nothing at all, but here's the deal, okay? It stops now!

Man, he got me so good.

It's not the soil, it's the manure! Paper is the manure! On-time delivery is the soil!

Spin move!

I barge, because I care.

I color-code all my info. I wrote 'gay son' in green. Green means go, so I know to go ahead and shut up about it. Orange means, 'Orange you glad you didn't bring it up?' Most colors mean, 'Don't say it.'

How is Tom, the homosexual sophomore?

And the great tragedy of the Civil War is that brother fought against brother. For what? What purpose did that serve, apart from abolishing slavery? In that case, war was the right choice.