Company Picnic

Sure, I'll give him the message when he gets up... Gets back.

Michael ate an entire family-sized chicken pot pie for lunch, and then he fell asleep.

I don't condone leaving early. But I have an appointment with the horse doctor. How that horse became a doctor, I don't know.

I'm kidding. He's just a regular doctor who shoots your horse in the head when its leg is broken.

Like clockwork.

Geography joke.

See you all tamale.

Should I have left the car running?

You don't grab these for balance.

You think the EPA would ever allow that much deet?

I heard him asking for a shoe that could increase his speed and not leave any tracks.

The combinations are endless.

You can go to hell. I'm kidding! Sure, I will get you the best iced tea in the world.

You and I are soup snakes. That doesn't make any sense. We're soul mates.

Must be nice to get a rest from all your rest.

I shouldn't have to ask you to do that. You should just do it.

Well, I could have died, so...

You want her to set you up so you can spike it. I'm gonna put you next to Phyllis. She's the best setter on the team.

For us.

I'm designing a chair. It's part of your pants. You sit down, you're supported.

All right, fatty. I will do it.

You bet your fat ass we are.

Have ya hoyd the news? Extry, extry! Read all about it! Newspapers for sale!

Sir... with the glasses, are you literally blind?

These are expensive Ray-Bans, jackass.

Are... you... blind? Can you see things with your eyeballs?

I am better than this.

Do you know if you're right or left-handed? Do you even know? What hand do you use to answer the phone?

Maybe I played a little in junior high. And in high school. Maybe a little in college. And went to volleyball camp most summers.

Had to be part of the group.

Crystal cool.

Don't set it to yourself.

You weren't even moving.

I don't hear cheaters, tramps, or women who break my friend's heart.

We have to convince Dunder and Mifflin to go back in time fix their parents.

Dun-der, Dun-der, Dunder, Dunder, Dunder...

They're gonna wipe their asses with your serves! Piss all over your faces!

Are you ready to play Slumdunder Mifflinaire?

I was there! I was a tour guide at Dartmouth College!

Robert Mifflin had undiagnosed depression, which 9 million americans suffer from, and is very treatable.

$250... is more money than I've ever seen in my life.

I usually don't enjoy the theater. But this is delightful.

For $500,000, is it, A) Scranton?

David Wallace told me!

You've gotta be kidding me! We're the best branch in the company!

A little boy said me, 'Is my daddy gonna have a job by Christmas?' He's just thinking about his own gifts.

Corporate deserves to get its ass kicked.

What does one fiance plus one lover equal? Answer, one whore.

We can let you play with that foot.

I'm so mad that Pam got hurt!

No, it was a tough audience.

Good, because my next question was do you have a game to get back to?

You guys should hit the road before... I close down another branch.

I didn't find the perfect moment, because I think that today was about just having today.

And then it's perfect. I'm in no rush.

How many people need to get hurt before we learn a valuable lesson? One? Two? Three? Four? Five? Six? Seven? Eight?

Send in the subs.