Crime Aid

Hey. * pamela-A-A *

Of course, Now michael knows where to reach me 16 to 18 hours a week.

Hey, michael. * pamela-A-A *

Um, tonight. I'm free tonight. Is that too eager? No. I don't care. I'm free tonight.

Oh, wait. Oh, tonight's no good. Because i am busy taking you out. Oh, i just remembered. I can't tonight. Why? I'm going out with you.

In my opinion, the third date is traditionally the one where... You have sex. Does holly feel that way? I don't know. I will probably find out tonight. If she starts having sex with me, I'll know for sure.

I am right in assuming that Dwight is short for d-Money. 'Cause that's what i wrote on your save-The-Date.

J-Money. Or should it be t-Money, for tuna? Receptionist-Money. K-Money.

What are you making? A knife. You're making a knife with a knife? You got a better way?

You wanna talk about it? About what? You know I know. You know they know. I know none of that. And if i did, you'd be the last to know.

We could go to the food court, get different foods. You could get chicken teriyaki. I could get a hot dog. Some of what we order depends on whether we're having sex after.

Oh, my! Wow, elephant in the room. Are we, do you think? Do you think we're gonna have sex tonight? Hell, yeah.

She introduced me to so many things. Pasteurized milk, sheets, Monotheism...

Presents on your birthday, Preventative medicine. It's nice to learn new things.

That's really fattening. No, it's lettuce.

I'm a crazy 8. I'm crazy. You're crazy. Go crazy.

Oh, after vous. Thank vous.

Oh! I didn't forget my keys. I just didn't want to make out with you In front of the cameras.

Do you think they can hear us? Not if we turn these dials All the way down. Now they can't hear us at all. Oh, good. We're totally alone.

Great, they stole my laptop. Yeah, well, they stole my surge protector. How does that even compare? Oscar, i'm now going to be prone to surges.

Bravo, Watson. Looks like a classic seven-Man job.

Oh, my god! So much for sex without consequences. You are such a dork!

So apparently Pam went out last night And accidentally called my work phone at 3:00 in the morning. I'm not drunk. I'm on minute six of this message.

Okay, i do not sound like that. You can take the girl out of philly... Scranton. The future mother of my children.

I'm a very good screamer.

It did when Bob said I had to stop talking to my sister on the phone so much.

The last person to do this disappeared. His name? Creed Bratton.

It's like farm aid. But instead of farms fighting against aids, It is us fighting against our own poverty

Was this a sorority that you didn't get into a real sorority So you had to kind of form your own?

We'll auction off people, Like in the olden days.

It could be a pedestrian. It could be a old person. It could be a lookie-Loo. Or it could be A bruce springsteen fan-- What? Who said that? I did. Why did i say that? Oh, i think you know why i said that.

Michael scored the big ticket item. Springsteen tickets. The boss scored the boss. Yeah, i think that's pretty boss.

Listen to me close, 'Cause i'm only gonna say this once. You either break off your engagement with that singing buffoon, apologize,and then date me. Or you can say good-Bye to this.

Crime reduces innocence. Makes everyone angry,I declare.

Mike gave me a list of his top ten springsteen songs. Three of them were huey lewis and the news. One was tracy chapman, fast car. And my personal favorite, Short people.

It squeaks when you bang it. That's what she said.

It just says creed. Yeah, that's all-Inclusive.

She thought I was mcnabb. I can see that.

Hi, i'm kevin. And i'll do your taxes. Let's hear an opening bid, everybody. Who's first? Kevin do your taxes. He's the tax man. Kevin, the tax man. Federal and state.

Fine. Okay, all right. Hey, you know what? I would appreciate it if people would stop storming off the stage.

Someone let the air out of your tires. Come quick. Oh, dear.

And you slap like a girl.

To me.

I thought you were a friend.

Oh, where are those? Has anyone seen An envelope with Bruce Springsteen Front row tickets And backstage passes?

I have my hug. Yeah, well, phyllis, Nobody...really wants a hug, so.

She's your wife, you idiot. $100. 200. What are you doing? I need a hug, unless you're gonna give me one. Not here.

$1 million. 700. 700 and one penny. Humuna-Humuna-Humuna- Humuna-Humuna-Humuna--

No. You know what? No. Because... I'm not that guy. And we are not that couple.

The springsteen tickets seemed too good to be true. But a lot of michael seems too good to be true. So far it's all true. But yeah, those tickets Really seemed too good to be true.