The Cover Up

Well, you know what? Joke's on you. 'cause I know morse code. Ha! Yeah. That's what we're doing. In our very limited free time And with our very limited budget, We went and got a nanny and then we went out And took a class on a very outmoded And very unnecessary form of communication just so We could talk about you in front of you.

It all started when dwight was tapping his foot Against the leg of his desk. When I asked him to stop, he said, 'I will when you lose the baby weight.'

Very well. I must have imagined it. I apologize.

Jim. Are you clicking a detonator? - It's a pen. - Michael, come on.

They're going great. I, uh... We're just clicking on every level. Emotionally and sexually and...Orally

* and I like it * Who enjoys the weekends?

She has a pilates butt. But we need to find something to do this weekend Beside have sex. Did I say that? Yes, I did.

Okay, you get out of here, big dog.

Yeah, well, stanley doesn't help with anything.

Room enough for three.

Because when your super hot girlfriend says, 'I wanna go to mount pocono,' You go to mount pocono and you do her. And we screwed. Whoops. Tmi.

You know what, kelly? This is the real world. Not the real world: Scranton.

Some diner? It was the starlight diner. It's, it's in a life magazine spread About americana.

I said it on the second date. - Mm. - That seems...Quick. Even for lesbians.

Does she keep her phone locked around you, michael? Does she watch how much she drinks around you, michael? Does she leave the room when she takes phone calls? Does she keep perfume in her purse? Does she shower before sex? Does she shower after sex? Does she-- - yeah, she does all that.

Why didn't you just say that, pam? Michael, do not let your imagination Run out of control. Well, that's easy for you to say. You have a bad imagination. It's stupid.

I live in a fantasy world. - You do? - Yes, jim, I do.

But you didn't believe any of this was true Five minutes ago. That's what makes it so wrong.

$100 a day, plus expenses. I'll give you $50. Money's no object.

You might not like what I find. Okay. And you might not like how I find it.

My doctor told me to cut out hot dogs. We all got problems.

Two years ago, Andy blamed the warehouse for a late shipment That he forgot to process. We got yelled at pretty bad. Almost lost my job, And I was mad as hell at the time. But I said, 'darryl, just wait. he's a fool, there's gonna be an opportunity. Just be patient.'

All cases are solved with logic. The only logical way to find out If donna is a cheater is to seduce her, Bring her to orgasm, then call michael And tell him the sad news.

It's never too early for ice cream, jim. But we didn't have any ice cream, So this is mayonnaise and black olives.

It's comfort food, all right? God.

Otherwise this thing is gonna spiral out of amok.

You're right, I ruin everything. And I've known some wonderful women. Holly, carol, jan. Helene. - Helene? - My mother. - Oh. My mother, helene.

Ah! Ah... - You okay? - Yeah, I'm good. Hey, you know an exercise for two people That uses the whole body? Yeah, I think I know what you're talking about. Tractor pulling.

One thing you need to know about me, I don't quit until something tears or pops.

Tomorrow's fertilizer, am I right?

We both know why I'm here: To see...You...Naked... While...I'm...Naked.

Who eats eight protein bars? People who don't trust egg whites.

What she actually said was, 'what is with him? He is crazy. I'm coming over there to talk to him.' And this was after I have no other recourse But to tell her and gym security That you had sent me there to see if she was cheating. Also, I joined the gym. You'll be billed monthly.

You work at an adult arcade. You could have any man you want.

Well, you are boner-ific.

Poop my pants.

I don't have a plan exactly. More of a loose structure. Gives me freedom to improvise. It's like jazz.

How about, andy is a problem and we must eliminate him?

Claire's? Zales? Ricky's? Earrings earrings earrings? Fancy girl? Platinum cat? Where?

So there I am, minding my own business, And darnell offers me three bucks. All I gotta do is walk by andy And go like this. Darnell's a chump. I would have done it for anything. I've done a lot more for a lot less.

It's cece. She's never gonna do anything wrong. - Isn't that something? - Wow.

Yes. Yes, I desperately want to speak with you About my sex life with jim.

Who the hell is this? - I don't know who he is. - God! Lowest of the low. That guy. Just a notch above toby.

That's good for five bucks at dunkin' donuts. Any dunkin' donuts.

Spice girls are opening for weird al. Front row.

I don't wanna prank anymore. Things get real. It's not funny. I'm just gonna be good, stay in my room, Go to church, Try to do one nice thing per day. I do not wanna prank anymore.

I'm the mistress?