Threat Level Midnight

Congratulations, Darryl. Let's get wasted.

Have fun today, big guy. Oh, yeah. Party time. Whoop-whoop.

Birthday punches! One, two, three...

They say they won't do it, but they will if you make a scene.

Okay, bye. Okay, bye. I'll miss you. Miss you. Okay, bye. Bye. Bye. Okay. One more big one. Don't go.

It goes to show that everything you want in life, you get. And you can't work for it. It just comes to you.

Close. It's a romantic treasure hunt. A scavenger hunt is where you find items from a master list. This is where you follow clues that lead to a prize. Common misuse.

But there's no clue. Well, get to work. I can't 'cause there's no clue. The puzzle is the clue.

Oscar clearing throat loudly repeatedly, Michael asking if he's sick

We decided to have a Valentine's Day lunch, and then that way we can spend the entire night with Cece, and avoid the Valentine's Day dinner thing.

Never found that bottom, did we? No. Pssst! Pssst!

I accidentally did his sudoku.

Okay, my name is Jim Halpert, and I will fax it in to you.

Under you. I'll fax it under you. Oh, excuse me. I just pissed my pants. Not really. I didn't really.

I will not be your valentine. Oh, nuts.

I enjoy watching them because it makes me horny.

We were the only two white people there. Oh, cute.

It's this horrible plipping sound. Just... (imitating kissing)

He can put both his legs behind his head.

Perfect. Yes. It is quite apro-propriate. Carry on.

Boom! Face! I get it. Andy's slamming my girlfriend.

You would hardly even know that they were husband and wife. Did it. Yeah!

Booby honking. Butt honking. All the honkings.

The one where you start in a crouched position, then you leap...

Michael and Holly making playful noises during the PDA meeting

As has Angela. As has Ryan. As has Kelly. As has Meredith...

With who? She goes to another school.

We are going to designate one of our closets as a hook-up zone. No. Anything goes!

What if two couples want to go at the same time?

And what is the hook-up zone policy on masturbation? Pro. Yes.

I love working at Dunder Mifflin, a division of Taliban enterprises.

Not if we're talking like this. I think it's okay. He doesn't seem to hear us.

Darryl is a jerk. No, he's not. No, I'm just testing if he can hear. I can hear you.

The temp at night, the temp at night

Ah, the old leave behind. Oldest trick in the book. Good thing it's working.

I sit on your lap because I like the way your thighs feel on my butt.

Holly and I are like Romeo and Juliet, and this office is like the dragon that kept them apart.

Do you mean you love me like, 'Hey, there's Holly. I love that girl,' or do you mean you love me like you 'love me' love me?

Yeah, whatever. No big deal. Just the hottest girl in the world loves me.

Like benign tumor. Maybe it's just more like 'Be mine.'

You wanted to have sex in my office. No. Definitely not. That's disgusting.

Text me when you're finished. I'll be out here.

Jim and I have never and will never have sex in the office. No, because the office isn't what I'd consider a romantic place.

Besides, we have something those other people don't have, which is a home and a bed. And a shower.

No touching. No touching. I'm trying not to touch you. Oh. Almost got you. We can't do this.

Okay, this is much worse than before. Yeah, I agree. This is nasty.

You don't know what it is like to love a woman and have her love you back. It is a feeling that cannot, and will not, and frankly cannot be contained.

One, you're taking MDMA, street name, Ecstasy. I've done it, and I know the feeling.

Or three, you're at an age where your sexual climaxes aren't as powerful, so you need to overcompensate with foreplay, taboo behavior. Yes, it was that. It's that one.

That's what she said. (chuckles softly)

enjoy a mid-hunt break, and look for a heart or some (BLEEP) in the break room

Make that face he likes. Which one? I have a lot of stupid faces.

'Boner Bomb' starring Jason Statham, or we go against type with an Eisenberg or a Michael Cera.

Do a monkey face. Do a monkey face. (Kevin making monkey sounds) Throw your poop. Hurl your feces.

Oscar, this must be tough for you, watching this go down. You could not stand in the way of true love, my friend.

we are going to make love to and with one another

Suck it, Oscar. This must kill you. I just told them to do it.

What? No. No. We took a walk. We took a walk.

fielding desperate calls from people who want to buy one of the 50 restaurant reservations I made over six months ago

Anybody can be Prince Charming one day a year with the dinner and the flowers and all that. But you know what impresses me? When a guy can do that no days a year.

Pizza, soda, the moon, someone to share it with.

What are our plans for tonight? Um... (imitating bed creaking)