Pams Replacement

Otherwise, you go home and the night just feels like more day, it's weird.

Andy has been manager for 105 days. Which means I've heard closing time 105 times. Still don't know the words.

♪ Ah wah dah wah home and home and home ♪

You know what? Fine! I try to start fun traditions for you guys, but if you don't wanna sing, no traditions!

I never heard that song before. And once I heard it, I did not care for it. But that song means it's time to go home. Now it's my favorite song.

Who's your favorite iron chef? - This report is atrocious.

Sometimes the infer-- Sorry. Go ahead. Mm-hmm.

Did you need something from us? Yes. Your attention. Uh, because... No. That is all.

Last night, I dreamed that the number two was the most valued number in the world. The vice president had all the power, athletes fought for silver medals. Women were considered the best gender. And stadiums of fans shouted 'we're number 2!'

As with all my dreams, I'm guessing it was about my fear of immigrants.

Chalk that one up to tweedle Dee and tweedle dum out there. Who are they? They're both Kevin.

Oscar is the sex and the city gang. And Angela, if you can picture-- Sometimes I feel like you don't know me at all.

When I come back next week and this report show me no mistakes, we can talk about names all day. Our favorite names, silly made-up names, normal names said in a silly voice. Wouldn't that be nice?

And you can't have a favorite iron chef. It depends entirely on the secret ingredient. Sometimes I feel you don't know food at all.

I'm just saying with the NBA lock-out, I think roller derby's in a really good place right now.

Maybe justine. - Bah! Nope. Not justine. Never justine. - Is that off again? - Oh, yeah.

Are you really this lazy? I'll be there.

Mondays suck. Yep.

Have I not been worthy of your trust? Have I not been a reliable number two? Do not go there! You're the deuce I never wanna drop.

Whom I'm seeing is Val from down in the warehouse. Oh. I'm not technically seeing her, but I've seen her-- with the eyes-- and there was attraction in at least one direction.

It's gonna be hot and heavy, and I don't want a bunch of bureaucratic red tape wrapped around my jock, you know?

Yeah, we had a whole conversation about mondays.

Toby, I'm gonna tell you her last name tomorrow because she's gonna be screaming it tonight. She's gonna be screaming her own last name?

Five strikes in a day equals a homerun. One home run and you're out.

Robert's favorite songs, Creep by TLC, Creep by Radiohead.

There's no way he hasn't strangled at least one stripper.

He eats his yogurt like he is punishing it for disappoint him.

P.S. We should kill him.

Wait, so you installed a doomsday device? No, it's an accountability booster.

Which when it goes off, it destroys everything very similar to a doomsday device.

They're making me out to be a Bond villain. I like to think of myself as a brilliant scientist who will stop nothing to remake the world... Like... Not Dr. Moreau. Someone good. Dr. Frankenstein. Dr. Jekyll. Not them. Doctor...

There's an easy way to tell if this device is a sham. We just make a mistake. I'll send an order down to shipping before we've received payment. Oh! There's one mistake.

It's not a race. Thirrr-- Third.

It's for protecting my ass when you suckers lift more than you can handle.

Look at this. This is enormous. Oh. I got the sense that Val enjoys a good put-down. Considering that's the only thing I know about her, I will be milking that hard.

It's like a hula hoop. Right? ♪ Mele kalikimaka is Hawaii's way ♪

The Michelin man called. He wants his cummerbund back.

When the stake are this high, there's only one computer that I trust, and it's powered by thai food and spanish reds.

How about 'Scranton strangler 666'?

What's Dwight's mother's name? Um, Hedda. No.

A $100 bill. Should cover it, I think. Don't bring me any of that caramel soy latte crap, okay? I want a decaf frappuccino.

Well, I was saving this for my retirement, which I guess is today.

Uh...The man tree puts his penis--

Good luck finding a new job, idiots. I'll make sure to write you a glowing reference. Glowingly negative.

Pam, you should come with me. Dwight really likes you and...Your breasts are enormous. That can help us.

What are you doing? What does it look like I'm doing? Digging a grave for a horse.

If you hit another horse, you dug too far.

Oh, wow. I forgot how pretty your house is. This is the newest addition built by Erasmus Schrute in 1808. It doubled as a tuberculosis recovery room until 2009.

That's too much doodle and not enough lab. Yeah, when are they gonna do a labradoodle that's just lab?

So tonight I was thinking I'm gonna go to the cemetery, I'm gonna drink a little wine, and I thought maybe you'd like to come with me.

I could quit. Problem solved.

March down to Florida... And shove it up your butt.

Oh, Pam, you got something on your shirt. Oh! Oh, well. Pobody's nerfect, right?

Did you just have a stroke, Pam? It's nobody's perfect. Nice stroke, Pam.

I haven't heard that before. That's-- that's funny.

Thanks for everything. Sive drafely.

Isn't it supposed to be drive safely?

Oh, man, I'm sorry. What the [Bleep]? Sorry. Jesus. Did it break?

They're not my favorite people in the world. I wouldn't even call them friends. They come over here, eat my pie, dig the crappiest horse grave you've ever seen. God, I'm gonna have to work with them forever, aren't I?

Classic, right? Ooh. I'm all right. You all right? Yep. Skinned knee. Yep.