The One Where the Stripper Cries

Fish. Seaweed. A sunken ship. - Things you find in the ocean.

Yeah. Sorry, boys, this ride's closing.

Ross and I always wanted to be Donny and Marie. You guys just keep getting cooler and cooler.

Oh, God, that's right. I blocked that out.

I'm leaving you.

Did I go to this school?

You're right. By saying 'nice,' I'm virtually licking her.

Thanks to a little something called Helvetica Bold 24-point.

Man, we're gonna rock that Asian Student Union.

We're called Way/No Way. - No way. - Way.

Fresh. Boss. Mint.

I mean, we can get laid any time we want. Totally. - I had sex in high school. - Me too. I'm good at it.

That's Missy Goldberg, Phoebe Cates and Molly Ringwald... who we can't go out with. - Those are the pacts. And Sheena Easton. But we probably couldn't get her anyway. Maybe not you.

Your hands are shaking. - I know. And I can't stop sweating.

I know it can be intimidating for regular people to be around celebrities... but relax. I'm just like you, only better-looking and richer.

I see what I did there. Okay, okay. I'm writing in my... - Diary. - No, more like a notebook.

If I'm building a house, the plan... isn't called a 'shmooprint'... I can't do that either? In high school, I once had sex with a girl right in the middle of the...? - Cafeteria? - Yeah, but they're not looking for that.

What? - The strippers and the guys dancing... and, you know, pee-pees flying about.

Oh, okay. I see what you're doing. That's fine. This is all there is. Just tea. Okay. Raunchy.

I've got a big wad of ones in my purse.

and get an ETA on the pee-pees.

You put this in your coffee. - A spoon. Your hands. Your face.

It's white. - Paper. Snow. A ghost!

It's made from eggs. - Chickens?

I got a kid starting college. I have to get surgery on my knee. You just lost me 10 grand.

Like, why would there be a ghost in my fridge?

It's been 16 years, but the air quotes still hurt.

Well, Chandler and I used to make out. A lot.

And on my turf?!

That's a lot of stairs.

I should not have had that Mexican food for lunch.

Officer... - Goodbody. - If you say so.

We didn't know you wanted a stripper, so we got the phone book... and got the first name we could find. - How old's your phone book?

You big piece of eye candy.

She cringed. This is how I look when I'm turned-on.

Shocking.

And it's not like I can take them two at a time.

dance around in what I can only assume is a child's Halloween costume.

I may have borrowed this from my nephew... but let me assure you, what's underneath is all man.

I'm sorry, did you say 'all man' or 'old man'?

Big surprise. The hunk of beef has feelings.

My friend Rachel has a kid. I totally know nursery rhymes.

The thing hanging in your throat. - Uvula. Then pass.

Excuse me. That didn't make us sound gay at all.

I believe the foundation of our friendship was unfortunate hair.

It's really nice to see you. Not!

Do not let me sit in one of those. We'll be here for days.

Oh, believe me, Ross, I won't be telling anybody about this.

That's when I wrote the song 'Betrayal in the Common Room.'

What did you do to my mom?

For your information, ass-munch... I've lost four pounds. Maybe even five with all the dancing.

I am so not gonna do good on my SATs tomorrow.

What a line.

I should have hung up that breakaway jockstrap years ago.

I can make my pecs dance. I can pick up a dollar bill with my butt cheeks.

So maybe something in an office.

I don't think my mom would mind.

You never know when it's gonna be your last dance.

Oak. Maple. Elm. Birch. I don't know. Types of trees...?

Buenos días. Enchilada. Por favor. Oh, I'm so sorry, I don't know any Spanish words.

Dude. Dude, I think you're losing it. 'I have fur.' 'I like to bark.' What a dog says.

Girls Chandler could never get? - Supermodels.

But it was, like, a million years ago. - It doesn't matter. - Why? - Because the night you kissed Rachel... was the night I kissed Rachel for the very first time.

Oh, I thought she became a slut after she got her nose fixed.

No! No! Yes! - You were under the pile of coats? - I was the pile of coats!

You were my midnight mystery kisser?! You were my first kiss with Rachel?! You were my first kiss ever?!

What did I marry into?!