The One with the Ring

Paper cut!

Once again, not knocking pays off.

I wish you hadn't been on the toilet.

Is there such a thing as a Monica cut? Because that would be you best bet.

How rude. Sorry. Want a bite?

You just have to think of him as a jar of pickles that won't open.

I should run him under hot water and bang his head against a table?

That's what you do when you want to get the truth out of someone.

Can't complain.

Paul's awkward quick exit reaction

Come on. You're a paleontologist. Dig a little deeper.

You should run him under hot water and bang his head against the table.

Yeah, that's great, Paul. But, you know... I want to know what.. Wow, those are really great!

They say that still waters run deep, and I want to swim in yours.

Are you talking about having sex?

Your friends have a slumber party and stick your hand in warm water... while you sleep, so you pee in your sleeping bag.

You're lucky you never met that bitch, Sharon Majeski.

When I was 6 years old, I wanted a Big Wheel. And instead, my parents got me this little... plastic chicken that you hop around on.

They called me 'Chicken Boy.'

Chicken?

Chicken Boy! I'm sorry. I didn't mean to do that.

Ugly ring, ugly ring, ugly ring...

It's a beautiful selection.

An engagement bracelet or an engagement tiara! An engagement Revolutionary War musket!

Imagine getting down on one knee... and handing her this gorgeous piece of weaponry?

This is why you brought me. I know how to haggle.

I would like to see that ring. Or not. Whatever.

Sir, could I ask you...? Could you hold out that ring and ask me to marry you?

We will give you $10.

We stand firm at $10.

Yes. I have these two rather beautiful... five-dollar bills.

I'll give you $1 for them.

We were supposed to just get him one? That guy's always mooching off of us.

Sometimes I just don't get Chandler. We do stuff all the time without you, and you don't get all upset.

All the time? All the time.

Still crying? Like a little girl.

I didn't know that I was gonna unleash... this weepy, clingy, moist monster!

I only know of two ways to shut a man up. One of them is sex.

What's the other? Don't know. Never had to use it.

That's right. You're the talker.

We have some here. No, you don't!

What do you think? Too much? A tad.

Take the tiara back... and let me hold the musket again.

Let me out! Now!

Chandler... did your dad ever hug you? No. Did he hug you?

You can see my dad in Vegas kissing other dads.

Would you hug me? I'm a little busy here, Paul. That's what my dad used to say.

Okay. A quick one. Come on, hug it out.

Five more seconds.. Okay!

My back pocket! Thank God.

They put you in jail? The little jail between the doors!

Yeah, but when he proposed to me with the ring, I got goosebumps.

Maybe it was the guy. It was the ring!

We'll be the new Joey and Chandler. What?

Hey, don't get angry. We turn on each other, he wins.

It gets me kind of hot. Wait, wait. Listen to this:

Whatever happened to that little dude? So full of dreams.

I don't care about the little dude!

That's only because they get $100 an hour! Do you know how much money I could have made listening to you? $2000!

Know when I figured that out? While you were talking!

It's just that when those gates open... it's hard to close them.

I can't believe you talked me into this gumball-machine-looking ring.

Unless I look at it really closely, and then I can see my own eye.

Somewhere Over the...? L'Espace. Rainbow L'Espace! No, just L'Espace.

I'd love to know how you got from rainbow to L'Espace. No, you wouldn't. You don't wanna get in here.

Wow, you're good! After this, we should solve crimes.

Wow, I would trade. It is beautiful, but I'm gonna use this one. Excuse me.

Do you want to break her heart? Yeah. Do you want to break a dying woman's heart?

Yeah, she's dying... of a cough, apparently.

It's my dying wish to have that ring. If I'm not buried with it... my spirit will wander the netherworld..

That's enough! Oh, I don't know.

Hey, I'm marrying a dead woman!

I think we gotta end the freeze-out.

We're gonna be brothers-in-law! Come here!

I think I'm gonna cry. Oh! No more crying! I just dumped one crybaby. I'll dump you too.

Oh, nice. One and a half carat, easy.

You told her before you told us? She walked in while I was looking at brochures. You can understand that.

You should know. You've bought like a billion of them.

Humor based on my pain.

Of all of your wives, I'm the only one who never got a ring.

Something other than the divorce papers and the hangover.

But ask for a musket. Ask for a musket!

Well, yeah. No ring, no sex. Big surprise. Get me a musket and we'll talk.