Charlie and Frank awake to find poop in their bed. Neither will confess to being the owner, so they, Mac, and Dennis try to scientifically deduce who dropped the deuce. Dee wants to do something a bit more sophisticated, so she invites the waitress and Artemis to a girls' night out.
WAR
61.3
Wins Above Replacement
“Who Pooped the Bed?” ranks #38 of 177 It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia episodes on the Humor Index, scoring 83.4 — Elite. The episode packs 54 scored jokes at 2.2 per minute, averaging 7.3 on craft and 7.0 on impact, with Charlie landing the most laughs. Every joke is ranked below with its individual craft and impact scores.
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Top Jokes
Artemis: Name's Artemis. I have a bleached asshole.
Artemis Cringe/Discomfort Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Mac: Known the world over for his ability to replicate any man's stool, Cricket came back and committed fecal forgery.
Mac Absurdist Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Charlie · Mac: I did not poop the bed! / Did you say something about pooping in a bed?
Charlie · Student · Charlie · Student: There is so much wolf hair in our apartment right now, man. / But why are you eating it? / Well, you ingest everything. / Both of you are eating wolf?
Art Critic · Dennis: It's almost as if it exploded out of the artist. / Well... I think it's crap.
All Jokes — 54 analyzed
Show all ↓ Hide ↑ Mac: Yeah, you're asking us to predict the future, Dee. How can I predict the future?
Mac Observational Character Comedy Charlie: Dee, you tried this shit 30 years ago when that show first came on the air.
Charlie Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Charlie · Mac: I did not poop the bed! / Did you say something about pooping in a bed?
Charlie: Well, yesterday we wake up and there's a piece of poop right in the middle of me and Frank, okay?
Charlie Cringe/Discomfort Observational Charlie: So we threw the first piece of poop out 'cause big deal, whatever. Accidents happen, right?
Charlie Cringe/Discomfort Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Mac: Now, the second poop, you held onto it, right? Brought it along.
Mac Cringe/Discomfort Escalation Dennis: Dee, when we said we can't predict the future, how could we possibly have seen something this awesome coming?
Dennis Callback Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch Callback Dee: You're not going to go out with me tonight 'cause these idiots found two poopies in a bed?
Dee Cringe/Discomfort Character Comedy Dennis: But it's not the poop. It's the mystery behind the poop.
Dennis Observational Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Waitress · Dee: Why did you jump out from behind a car? Were you stalking me?
Dee: That's the way girls are. We're catty. We backstab and talk about each other behind our backs and stalk.
Dee Character Comedy Observational Dee: I read all about it in the notebook Charlie keeps of your whereabouts.
Dee Cringe/Discomfort Escalation ★ Rewatch Dee: Frederick is your cat and he died three weeks ago.
Dee Dark/Subversive Character Comedy Frank · Charlie: We want you to examine our poopie.
Frank · Charlie: You have a hole in the back of your pajamas. / It's not my poop! / You've been sleeping in a giant dress shirt.
Charlie · Scientist: I feel like you're going to say something else right there and then you stopped, right? / Please get out of my lab.
Charlie: You just missed out on an extraordinary adventure, pal.
Charlie Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy Student · Frank · Student: You got turd? / Yeah, we got a turd. / I'll take a look at it.
Student: Whoever it was seems to have been eating newspaper.
Mac · Charlie: Which one of you idiots was eating a goddamn newspaper? / It's gonna go both ways, dude.
Mac Charlie Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort ★ Rewatch Student · Charlie · Mac: This appears to be a piece of a credit card. / Inconclusive. / How is that not specific to one of you?
Student · Charlie · Charlie: This is wolf hair. / Wolf air. / Also inconclusive.
Charlie · Student · Charlie · Student: There is so much wolf hair in our apartment right now, man. / But why are you eating it? / Well, you ingest everything. / Both of you are eating wolf?
Student: No, I'm an Econ major. I just wanted to look at some poop.
Artemis: I'm gonna take off my bra, blast my nips.
Artemis Cringe/Discomfort Character Comedy Artemis: Burmington Coat Factory. I got it on sale. It's irregular.
Artemis Character Comedy Observational Waitress: Yeah, well, I have a drinking problem.
Waitress Deadpan/Understatement Dark/Subversive Bartender: Nothing with 'bombs' in the name, okay?
Artemis: Name's Artemis. I have a bleached asshole.
Artemis Cringe/Discomfort Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Frank Visual Gag Character Comedy Charlie · Charlie: Oh, maybe I'll get two TVs and two refrigerators. / Do we come to your house and tell you how to sleep?
Charlie: Dennis on his bed made for kings with his toilet made out of gold.
Charlie Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Frank: Charlie, we sleep ass to ass, you know that.
Frank Cringe/Discomfort Visual Gag Dennis: I sleep in a king-sized bed by myself. When I have to go to the bathroom, I use a toilet.
Dennis Observational Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch Mac: It smells like some kind of spice blend or pesticide, or some other kind of sandy poison or something.
Mac Character Comedy Observational Dee: And you, you shouldn't be drinking in a shoe store.
Dee Cringe/Discomfort Escalation Dee · Salesperson: 13. / We don't carry shoes that large. Perhaps you'd like to try the Big and Tall store down the street?
Dee: Probably protecting me. I spent a lot of money today.
Dee Cringe/Discomfort Character Comedy Charlie: Frank, I will jam that poop right back up your ass where it came from.
Frank · Charlie: I could probably squeeze something out. / I'll get some newspaper.
Dennis: He was turtle-heading.
Dennis Cringe/Discomfort Observational Artemis: I'm just gonna go get more wasted, and then I'm gonna bang some rim, dude.
Artemis Cringe/Discomfort Character Comedy Art Critics: This is an interesting piece. / I love his use of space. / Look at the rich texture, the dimensions. / It's almost as if you can smell it.
Art Critic · Dennis: It's almost as if it exploded out of the artist. / Well... I think it's crap.
Mac: Four turds, five suspects, so many, many nameless victims.
Mac Character Comedy Escalation Mac: Tall order for such a short man.
Mac Character Comedy Observational Mac: And like a small brown snail... it crept to the middle between Charlie and Frank.
Mac Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort Charlie: And like a small brown snail... it crept to the middle between Charlie and Frank.
Charlie Absurdist Visual Gag ★ Rewatch Mac: The outcast? The slut? The bitch. The whore. The lonely, sad, slutty, bitchy whore.
Mac Character Comedy Escalation Mac: Thunder of the... chocolate variety.
Mac Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort Mac: Known the world over for his ability to replicate any man's stool, Cricket came back and committed fecal forgery.
Mac Absurdist Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Mac: A turd merger... fused together by fear and hatred... and hair.
Mac Character Comedy Absurdist ★ Rewatch Frank: I did it. / I did 'em all. / I did everyone of them. / I even did one, while she was rappin us, right here.
Frank Misdirection Escalation ★ Rewatch Frank: Because poop is funny.
Frank Meta/Self-Referential Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Top Episodes — It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
