Charlie Kelly: King of the Rats

Charlie:Oh, it's like, it's like whole generations of those things have died at my hands, and... mothers, fathers, grandfathers, little baby rats.

Charlie:Sometimes I wonder though, if our lives are really more valuable than theirs, you know what I mean?

Yeah. They are. Yeah. Our lives are definitely... Yeah. without a doubt.

Mac:He touched me with it.

Frank:Today's his birthday. Are you kidding me?

Frank:For one day let's make this lowly rat killer feel like a king.

In the simplest... Easiest... way. ...easiest. I'm tired today, you know?

Frank:Fill bar with sand. Roast wild pig. Invite Duncan and crew.

Frank:What the hell's the matter with you?! How did you get so cynical?

Dee:Okay, I'm pregnant, and you haven't offered me coupons or spa days or roasted pigs or surprises

Dee:I just jumped straight to default and was gonna throw this second coupon in the trash.

Charlie:What is this word 'spa'? I feel like you're starting to say a word, and you're not finishing it. Are you trying to say 'spaghetti'?

Charlie:Are you taking me for a spaghetti day?

Dee:What if I guarantee you that nobody out there will put you into a bag and bash you against a telephone pole?

Charlie:Nope. That's a guarantee you can't make, Dee, all right?

Dee:If you don't come with me to the movie, I'm gonna take this raccoon of yours and I'm gonna bash it into a telephone pole.

Charlie:No! I can't take any more bashing today, all right?

Mac:I got a little suspicious when you slipped out earlier, and so I followed you... and I saw that you were about to make a really bad choice

Mac:So I grabbed that shirt out of the bag when you weren't looking and I returned it and bought myself this shirt which isn't hideous.

Dennis:I feel like you just stole money from me, and then you bought yourself a shirt. A shirt with your money.

Mac:Yeah. No, that is what happened.

Dennis:Pitting two pig dealers against each other.

Dennis:I doubt Charlie can even say the word 'luau.'

Frank:Because I read it in his dreambook.

Charlie keeps a book of dreams and aspirations. They're mostly in pictures and symbols

Theater Employee:Oh, you can't bring food into the theater.

Charlie:No, I'm not. I bought it over there with that food.

Theater Employee:No, you didn't.

Charlie:How do you know that?

Theater Employee:Because we don't serve spaghetti... and I just watched you walk in with it.

Charlie:You call my bluff, sir. I shall dispose of this

Charlie:You caught me hankering for spaghetti and I want it.

Charlie:I'm leaving because the spaghetti is the whole deal for me.

Charlie:What does 3-D even stand for?

Charlie:What dimension are we in?

Charlie:Is this safe?

Charlie:What happened to my meatball?

Dee:I swear to God, if you don't sit down and shut up and watch the movie, I'm going to attack you. I don't care how pregnant I am

Charlie:The movie's boring.

Dee:Want your spaghetti, Charlie? Want your spaghetti? Here's your spaghetti.

Mac:A piece of metal flew off the keg and hit Dennis right in the dick.

Mac:It mashed right into it... lumped it up and mangled it like a chicken potpie down there.

Charlie:Dickless Dennis. That's what we should call him now... Dickless Dennis.

Dennis:I'll show it to you.

Charlie:I don't want to see it.

Frank:That cynical bitch.

Charlie:What is your spaghetti policy here?

Duncan:You pregnant.

Bridge Person:I ain't no Duncan. It's this nigga right here about to go level three and shit. That's Duncan.

Duncan:Oh, yeah, Frank. I know that bitch.

Frank:they caught a guy jerking off in here and they're going to send in a crew to wipe down the loads.

Charlie:Ok, I'm gonna eat the spaghetti.

Denim chicken.

Charlie:Worm hat.

Dennis:That's a bird with teeth.

Charlie:I'm trapped like a rat.

Charlie:Just bash me like a rat. Bash me like a rat and get it over with.

Janitor:I'm the guy who wipes down the loads.

Charlie:It's not my birthday, though...

Frank:No, dicks, it's my birthday.

Mac:Were you trying to get us to plan your surprise party?

Frank:this way I get my surprise party and I give you the satisfaction of doing something nice for somebody.

Dennis:I knew it, I knew he couldn't say it. Luau, luau. Luau.

Mac:denim chicken?...

Charlie:Yes! Denim chicken.

Dennis:This is the first one. It's a hat made of worms, okay? And then option number two is a hat that you put on and if you do that you look like maybe you're a worm.

Charlie:'Wormhat.' Yeah, that's a German guy. His name is Hans Wormhat. He appears in my dreams. He drive a biplane and he shoots it at me and I run through a field.

Mac:That's a new rat stick, dude. And you can bash up a whole bunch of rats with one quick strike, so it's more humane.