The Gang Squashes Their Beefs

Mac:They were not able to rate it.

Dennis:four extra seconds dedicated solely to the dong shot

Dennis:If anything, I should be thanking myself.

Ryan McPoyle:We wanted to invest in an emerging market.

Liam McPoyle:Then we're gonna corner that market.

Liam McPoyle:The eye patch is flesh-colored to make people less uncomfortable.

Dennis:You look like a man who was born without an eye, which is way creepier than a man who lost one.

Liam McPoyle:I have no depth perception!

Mac · Dennis:Visual gag of Mac and Dennis struggling with door/video rental

Frank:We're not having a principle fight.

Charlie:We're having a heat fight.

Charlie:So you got one of those snafus, where you got old assholes-- It's a deadlock.

Dee:Maybe 'cause I got 'em at the gas station, I guess.

Dee:Because Gail the Snail works at the Wawa, okay? And we got mad beef.

Dennis:We got too many beefs all over town. It's jamming us up.

Mac:The Pilgrims and Indians had beef. So what did they do? They got together, they sat at a table, they ate some delicious food and they squashed that beef

Mac:I also invited Charlie's mom, my mom and my dad, but they didn't want to come.

Frank:The Indians, they've got sports teams, they've got casinos. They're a very celebrated people.

Frank:Why do you always want people to sign creepy documents?

Dennis:Well, Frank, once something's in writing, that means it's set in stone. Then no one can do anything to stop me.

Charlie:You said we're squashing beef. I thought it would be part of the ceremony to have squash and beef.

Mac:And after we do that, we're going to wipe the slate clean.

Dennis:Wait, no, guys, look, this is all very on the nose and totally unnecessary.

Dee:Visual gag: Dee awkwardly approaching Liam alone while others watch

Liam:The skin tone is a-- is a-- a good match.

Dee:Oh, well, when you move the other one, I guess I can tell a little bit, if I'm being honest.

Cricket:Hey, turkeys, gobble, gobble.

Cricket:I was a priest before I got involved with you guys.

Mac:You can eat it off the floor like a dog, how 'bout that?

Liam McPoyle:What's with the standing? You're lording. Some kind of a status thing? A power move? Some kind of power play?

Liam McPoyle:Bring it down. Just bring it down on the haunches. Haunch it.

Liam McPoyle:I thought I was getting an eye.

Mac:Where the Christ would we get an eye? And if we did get an eye, how would we attach it to you?

Dennis:Give him your eye.

Charlie:It's not grade-A meat. You know, I'm not gonna get grade-A meat.

Dee:Snail, what the hell are you doing here? Who invited you?

Dee:Listen, could you just swallow your spit and then breathe, and then we can talk?

Gail the Snail:I want her to be my best friend, yo.

Charlie:These crackers need more salt.

Frank:I agree.

Hwang:Okay, well, they're extremely salty.

Frank:Doctors are shit. Goddamn medicine men, trying to tell me how to eat my food.

Frank:I could give the whole month's rent right here. I'll take it. But I'm not gonna do it, because I'm not gonna let you beat me

Dennis:Yeah, but I think it might be better if you're blind anyway. You know, it's gonna heighten all your other senses.

Mac:Who's this jabroni?

Frank:I have no idea. Slam the door on his face.

Mac:See you, Bozo.

Wrong Bruce:Are my kids in there? Somebody wrote me a note and said that my kids wanted to see me. I haven't seen 'em since my wife left me.

Wrong Bruce:My kids aren't really here, are they? No. No, I lied about that. Thank God.

Wrong Bruce:What a piece of shit that guy is.

Mac:Yeah, he's a real piece of shit, yeah.

Bill Ponderosa:I once broke into Dee's apartment and sniffed on her panties.

Bill Ponderosa:The only thing I remember from that night... is my sponsor Frank giving me the green light to get shit-housed.

Gail the Snail:Hey, Frank, I'm giving this guy a handy under the table. Are you jealous?

She's mashing it. She does that. I'm very aroused.

Frank:Oh. I have a horrible drug problem. You want to do a bump here?

Frank:I'll have a few of those delicious nose clams.

Cricket:What, I can't have squash? I can't have blow?

Charlie:Food fight! Food fight! I guess.

Liam McPoyle:You owe me an eye, Frank.

Mac:Why is my room on fire?

Frank:I may have started a money fire.

Mac:They're definitely gonna burn to death.

Dennis:Guys, nobody's gonna burn, all right? There's a fire escape.

Mac:I feel like we're just creating more beef. Which we will not resolve.

Dennis:The best thing to do with a beef is jam it deep down inside and then press forward.

Dennis:I hate people who are different than me, you know? Why pretend?

Gail the Snail:Who's got me? Man down. I'm right back here, guys. Who's got me? Guys? Hello? Hello?