Gun Fever Too: Still Hot

Frank:Frank eating a sandwich during a serious TV interview about being mugged

Frank:I'm starving. You don't have nothing to eat in this show.

Frank:I don't know if they wanted money or they wanted something more sexual.

Frank:But it's a lucky thing I had my pieces.

Your-your pieces?

Frank:My guns.

Frank:Anyway, I started blasting. Bah! Bah!

Frank:Now, I don't see so good, so I missed, then they ran away, I ran after them.

Frank:Tried to shoot them in the back, but I don't run so good either.

Frank:Anyway, you guys all think I'm a hero, and I'll accept that responsibility.

Charlie:The whole gun thing, it just makes me really hot.

Mac:Yeah, well, it's a hot issue and I'm getting hot about it, too.

Dennis:This is good, we're all hot at the same time.

Dennis:Guys, we're hot about the complete opposite.

Dennis:Which is a bummer, 'cause I thought we were on the same page for once.

Mac:Still very hot though.

Dennis:Yeah.

Charlie:Oh, I'm even hotter if I'm being honest.

Mac:Still hot.

Mac:You know what I mean? Like, you need a guy in a school that even from a mile away, the school shooter sees that guy and says, 'Uh-uh. I ain't messing with that dude.'

Charlie:This guy was the principal at the high school where I was doing the janitor thing. Yeah. Right, so why are you at a middle school now?

Principal:Well, I was... I was transferred.

Charlie:No, they do not. That is why I brought along... a saber.

Principal:Aw, Jesus Christ.

Mac:Ah. I guess I do have a hair trigger, huh?

Dennis:Look at all these maniacs. Goddamn bloodthirsty freaks walking in off the street. So easy for anybody to just waltz in and buy a gun.

Dennis:I would like to buy a man destroyer from you, please.

Dee:Hey, maybe you could recommend something that could blow a hole through an elephant, you know. 'Cause I need that for my home protection.

Dennis:Now, theoretically, Gunther, would I be able to slaughter a roomful of innocent people with that weapon?

Jack Kelly:Can we... can we cut? Will my hands look this small on the screen? I thought the camera would add ten pounds to my hands, and I don't like the way they look.

Jack Kelly:And these liberals like Al Gore, they're trying to take that away from us with this global warming bullshit.

Jack Kelly:The government of today has no right telling us how to live our lives, because the government of 200 years ago already did.

Jack Kelly:They also protected us from tyranny against the seizure of tasteful, artistic photographs of beautiful bodies. That same government wants to come into our home, tell us what is and what is not art?

Frank:Not now, Jack.

Gunther:It says here you have an extensive history of felonious behavior.

Dennis:Oh, there have been incidents, sure, yeah, a few minor indiscretions, but, you know, I-I'm simply a person of interest in most of those cases, all right?

Dennis:Being wanted and being 'wanted for questioning' are very, very, very different things, Gunther.

Gunther:Says here you burned her.

Dee:I burned her, yeah. I burned her. But... She was so annoying. I mean, it... She deserved it, okay?

Dee:You know, you light one bitch on fire, and everybody freaks out!

Mac:Now, pretend that this dummy is a school shooter. I want you to stand back, 'cause I don't want you to get hurt. Before he can draw his weapon... Hie-aught! Hup, hut, hut! Hie!

Charlie:Yeah, but did you ever see Indiana Jones, where the guy does the whole sword thing and then he just shoots him dead?

Mac:Are you asking me if I've seen Indiana Jones? Are you seriously asking me? I've seen that movie... That is my...

Mac:Look at this kid. Ooh, he's wearing all black, he's walking by himself. What do you think he's doing on that phone?

Charlie:Oh, I'll tell you exactly what he's doing. He's playing one of those games where you shoot everyone.

Mac:Oh! He's killing zombies! I'm taking this.

Charlie:What the hell, man?

Mac:Hey, kid, you're getting off easy! Now get to school. Go to school. Just know we're watching you.

Charlie:I play violent video games.

Mac:Well, yeah, I also play violent video games.

Charlie:I watch violent movies.

Mac:Well, yeah, violent movies are the best movies.

Charlie:And I don't want to kill people.

Mac:No, I mean...

Mac:I mean, we're trying to keep the school safe!

Principal:I know, well, yeah. Well, yeah, we would all feel a lot safer if you were further away.

Mac:You know, someone you'd never suspect could stop a shooter. I got an idea.

Gun Show Seller:Uh, it's not a problem. We all got a sketchy past.

Dennis:Oh, genuine creep. Wonderful.

Gun Show Seller:Oh, this ain't Gunther's. Oh, you see, I'm a private seller. That means I can do whatever I want. Shit.

Dee:I will burn you alive like the last bitch who crossed me!

Dennis:Okay, all right, all right, Dee. That's not getting us anywhere. Okay, she's hot.

Dennis:How about I just take it, huh? 'Cause I'm a maniac with a gun, and there's nothing you can do about it.

Dennis:But I see now that I was the maniac with the gun. And you all made it safer... in here. Yeah. Good for you.

Carlos:Yo, can I get some beer?

Mac:No beer. No.

Charlie:We said it, like, a million times. Guys, guys, how many times do we have to be through this? No beer, okay?

Carlos:But you guys had, like, five.

Mac:Don't count beers, Carlos. Not cool.

Mac:And by the way, Carlos, I've had six.

Charlie:And I've had seven.

Mac:Look at the person sitting next to you. That person wants to take you out.

Mac:Those-those kids are maniacs! Oh, my God, I think they're all in gangs or something! There's a lot of score settling going on in there!

Charlie:Oh, yeah, dude, we created a Hunger Games-type scenario in there.

Mac:Oh! Oh, shit, Charlie, I got to admit something, dude. I'm bleeding pretty bad.

Charlie:One of the kids got you?

Mac:I nicked myself back in the principal's office just trying to upholster my weapon.

Dennis:You got my people-killer?

Street Dealer:Right here.

Dennis:Oh, ho, ho, ho. That's the stuff, baby.

Dennis:Well, sir, I gave you the $1,500. Don't saunter away. I'm try... That's not fair! No, it's not fair! You stop right now!

Dee:The man has an assault rifle! What am I supposed to do?!

Dennis:Shit! I can't buy one! The only thing that stops a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a gun, which we can't get!

Dennis:Goddamn son of a bitch Frank, you were right! Frank was right! Shit!

Mac:I think we crossed right past each other like ships in the night, man. We flip-flopped.

Dennis:Yeah, 'cause we're on the opposite side now.

Frank:Guns? No. Water filters. Water filters? All right, guys, load 'em in. Very nice.

Frank:I bought a stake in Gunther's Guns. I got everybody angry and scared. They bought the guns, I made a fortune.

Frank:This is America: you're either a duper or a dupee. I'm a duper. You guys are the dupees.

Frank:Do you know that 90% of your water is 100% toxins? Who knows what the other 10% is? It's probably far worse, I would imagine. It's really worse.

I think I'm gonna get one of those water filters. I do kind of want one, right? For safety, for safety. I mean, he does make some good points. Yeah. The water's toxic. I mean, it is. Yeah.