Kiss My Butler

Will:And they say the man can't party.

Will:Carlton, put away that tired old kazoo, please.

Geoffrey:Geoffrey's reaction to the rap - 'He just lit up'

Vivian:How'd you like to go into the kitchen and introduce Mr. Tea Bag and Mr. Teapot to Mr. Boiling Water?

Philip:Hilary, how'd you like to make the tea before I take away Mr. Allowance?

Hilary:Mother, please. Don't talk down to me.

Carlton:Little Richard?

Philip:No, he's not depressed. He's British.

Philip:Your poor Aunt Vivian seems to think she's a matchmaker. In her mind, she's the Chuck Woolery of Bel-Air.

Vivian · Philip:When I was in college, I introduced three couples and they all got married. And by your fifth reunion, they were all divorced. I just get them to the altar. After that, they're on their own.

Will:People, people, please. I don't want to hear your dirty laundry.

Will:The mall.

Carlton · Hilary:I can see myself. I can't.

Carlton · Hilary:Hilary, you can't ask him to wrap his own present. I guess that's another one of those unwritten rules.

Carlton:What did you expect? You went to the mall with girl-away there.

Hilary:Sure, maybe during a blackout.

Jazz:I'd love to get a hold of you during a blackout.

Hilary:Daddy.

Hilary:In 55 seconds. Just tell us when to zap it.

Philip:The words 'mission impossible' come to mind.

Will:A lonely woman, new to our country... she probably won't even notice what a Melvin Geoffrey is.

Will:So far, I count you plus three guys.

Will:I'm not making too big an assumption here, am I?

Geoffrey:Surely you gleaned that much from watching Mr. Belvedere.

Will:I mean, it's your patriotic duty to show your countrywoman a good time.

Geoffrey:I wouldn't want to disappoint King Elizabeth.

Will:Don't be such a wanker.

Will:You got a kind of a Ben Vereen thing going here, man.

Will:Pure, unadulterated funk.

Geoffrey:During the '70s, I was briefly employed as Led Zeppelin's road butler.

Geoffrey:I would be most happy to, but to the best of my knowledge... hell has not yet frozen over.

Will:I won't answer that without a lawyer and a dictionary.

Hilary:Okay, then I'll keep the sweater.

Will:Get ready to have your candles blown out.

Helen:Ditto.

Will:What are you trying to pull here, Tony the Tiger?

Carlton:She'll be dancing with him, but she'll be thinking of me.

Helen · Will:Ashley, this must be that houseboy you were telling me about. That's homeboy. Sorry.

Geoffrey:It has been a while.

Hilary:You both speak English.

Philip:You both speak English.

Geoffrey:You're not the first to have made that comparison.

Helen:Geoffrey, this is fascinating. It's like going out with James Bond.

Hilary:Look. That's Tom Cruise's pool cleaner. And that's Cher's electrolysist. And that's Heather Locklear.

Hilary:What's with the Band-Aid? Was your brain leaking?

Jazz:I love a flirt.

Hilary:There's Demi Moore's cable man.

Will:All the babes I mess with in Bel-Air been whacked, right?

Jazz:I don't know what you guys do in Philly... but in LA, we don't give stuff like that away.

Jazz:I don't know what you guys do in Philly, but in LA, we men have to take that risk.

Will:I don't know what you guys do in LA, but in Philly, you crack on somebody's honey, you get yourself killed.

Will · Jazz:Like an angel in flight. Yeah, he is better than I thought he'd be.

Will:They're doing the lambada.

Jazz:That's the forbidden dance.

Carlton · Will:Geoffrey does the lambada? That's the forbidden dance.

Carlton:Back flips?

Will:I guess what I want to say is it's all Jazz's fault, man.

Will:I shouldn't have busted your groove at the club.

Geoffrey:For example, if I were to judge you by your costume... I should guess you were some kind of circus performer.

Will:That's pretty cold, G.

Geoffrey:I am, as the saying goes... a fairly fly individual.

Geoffrey:She's certainly a hot little number.

Geoffrey:I am afraid I was a little too intimidating for the poor girl.

Will:I could be slower. I'm sure I could be less sophisticated.