Jazz

Jazz:You got that right. Man, you're loaded!

Jazz:but she will not be on Yo! MTVRaps if you all don't work with me.

Jazz:Tea. Biscuits!

Jazz:I thought this was sterling. It's got that certain weight to it.

Jazz:Poem? Then what you going to do, bake some cookies? Hem a dress?

Jazz:Let's go get some barbecue and get busy.

Jazz:Looks like you eat here often.

Jazz:I'm tired of those grass burns.

Jazz:He has to be able to read? That'll cost you two extra Jacksons, but I know a guy.

Jazz:Will's gonna get thanked!

Jazz:Locked up in the steel hotel. Cops caught him with a fistful of toy Rolexes.

Jazz:This crowd will get ugly if they got to listen to much more of that.

Jazz:There was extenuating circumstances.

Jazz:I worked all that out in therapy.

Jazz:Let's go get some barbecue And get busy

Jazz:Works every time.

Jazz:You got that right. Man, you're loaded!

Jazz:I'd love to get a hold of you during a blackout.

Jazz:I love a flirt.

Jazz:I don't know what you guys do in Philly... but in LA, we don't give stuff like that away.

Jazz:I don't know what you guys do in Philly, but in LA, we men have to take that risk.

Will · Jazz:Like an angel in flight. Yeah, he is better than I thought he'd be.

Jazz:That's the forbidden dance.

Jazz:Come on, Prince, man. I know a playground in my neighborhood. 'Course we can only play half-court. They use the other end to sell stolen appliances.

Will · Jazz · Hilary:Aunt Viv, don't you think if we went down to watch them practice... Carlton would be a little embarrassed? - Let's go. - Let's go.

Will · Jazz:Man, these guys need help. Help? They need a telethon.

Jazz · Headmaster:Jazz, man. Of course, Mr. Jazzman.

Jazz · Headmaster:Man, I ain't even in this school. I'm willing to look past that if you are.

Geoffrey · Vivian · Jazz:True, madam, but I have found that any game can be made interesting... if you put a little money on it. $50 says Bel-Air wins it. Who'd take that bet? You rang, beautiful?

Hilary · Jazz:Jazz, you bet against Will? Yeah. He screws up, I'm loaded.

Jazz · Geoffrey:Thirty, forty, fifty! There. Thanks, man. Nice doing business with you.

Geoffrey · Jazz:Would you care to place a wager? I don't know anything about snooker. Don't worry. I'll tell you everything you need to know.

Jazz:My brother... for the last time, she is not Queen Latifah.

Hilary · Jazz:In that case, I want to marry you and have your child. / I'm down with that, too.

Jazz:I got a great view of her running out.

Will · Jazz:How many times you helped me out? / Seven.

Jazz:Good looks run in my family.

Will · Jazz:your sister should be like a sister to me, not a girlfriend... I'm willing to take that risk.

Uncle Phil · Jazz:We certainly know who got the brains in your family. / Yeah, but Janet ain't stupid.

Janet · Uncle Phil · Jazz:Jazz tells me you're a professional wrestler. / I'm afraid he was mistaken. I'm a lawyer. / My apologies. I was misquoted.

Will · Jazz:When I come back, I want you gone. / Guess I got plenty of time then.

Jazz:You know, it's probably not too late to get that spinach out of your teeth.

Will · Jazz:I'm willing to take that risk. / In that case, how much are you willing to give?

Jazz:I had to pawn her off on some sucker.

Jazz:Between you and the Humpty Dance, I'll get a metal plate put in my butt.

Jazz:it wasn't pretty. / Dude, he's walking and all, but still.

Jazz · Will:I say, marry her. - You can stop that.

Jazz:Carlton, never bring a sandwich to a buffet.

Jazz:Does he know Janet Jackson?

Will · Jazz:Every woman wants a man to take control... Rib tips?

Jazz:You got the theory right. You just ain't got the technique.

Jazz:Let me have my butler get them. Sorry. I crack myself up.

Jazz:You can put them on the floor, but watch out for my carpet... 'cause it's imported from Persia. I could do this all day.

Jazz:The Detroit Lions still got those cheerleaders?

Jazz:Hey, Prince, lay off of him, man. We like C-note.

Jazz:Hey, beautiful.

Jazz:I love a woman with good reflexes. Makes me crazy.

Jazz:Your mouth is saying 'get out,' but your eyes are saying 'get busy.'

Geoffrey · Jazz:Geoffrey throws Jazz out (visual gag inferred from context)

Jazz:Want to kiss my boo-boo?

Jazz:All a part of my plan.

Jazz:As of tonight, my new official name is Mr. Lucky.

Jazz:Man, this must be my birthday.

Jazz:She's smart, sweet, and the most beautiful woman in the cosmos... and she's been very nice to me tonight.

Hilary · Jazz:Really? / Psych.

Will · Jazz · Will:I got to go. / Peace. / Peace, babe.

Hilary · Jazz:I'd only say 'yes' because I felt like I owed you something. That's cool with me.

Jazz:That's cool with me.

Jazz:All a part of my plan.

Jazz:I resent that. Oops.

Jazz · Uncle Phil:Sorry, I didn't see you. As hard as that is to believe.

Jazz:The joke's on you, Mr. Banks. You can't throw me out... 'cause I'm already outside.

Jazz:That's what I'm saying. I'm a man, too. But Uncle Phil's an extremely bigger man.

Jazz:You know what, I don't think it's quite tight enough. Okay. But you can't blame me for my entrepreneurial spirit.

Jazz:Dude's got a gun, next thing you know I got six warning shots in my back.

Jazz:Can't. They closed my account. They said I was allegedly writing bad checks. I don't know what they talking about. Those checks was perfectly legible.

Will · Jazz:What happened to your Whitney Houston cutout? She fell apart in the shower.

Jazz:My building's being evacuated due to bubonic plague.

Jazz:Man, just throw us in the gutter. Looks like rain. You got any Scotchgard for Bill?

Jazz · Will:What would Bill do in that situation? Usually Pudding Pops.

Jazz:Kuwaiti was my last hope. And he suspects me of borrowing his whitewalls. I did, but he ain't got no right to make that assumption.

Jazz:Shoot, right now, I ain't even got a friend in Jesus.

Jazz:I will, however, require complete silence during The Young and the Restless.

Philip · Jazz:Geoffrey bathes. I can learn.

Jazz:If you need me, I'll be asleep under your car. But just honk before you throw it in reverse.

Jazz · Will:I sleep naked with the window open. I hope that don't bother you. No, that's cool with me. You're sleeping in Carlton's room.

Jazz:Malcolm's one of my heroes, too. I idolize Malcolm. He's the only reason I watch The Cosby Show.

Jazz:After I spent all morning frying the salami.

Jazz:Before I stuck it in the machine, I washed my hands.

Jazz:Before I stuck it in the machine, I washed my hands.

Jazz:which is easier for some than others.

Jazz:Thank God, 'cause I thought you were singing.

Jazz:There ain't enough for him.

Jazz:I suppose everybody's too full to eat the Pop-Tarts I made for dessert.

Jazz:Just like black folk. Eat, then they got to go to sleep.

Jazz:If he don't know whether or not somebody's alive, he's in the wrong damn business.

Jazz:If you want me to leave the room, just ask.

Jazz:Hey, baby. I'm Jazz, a close, personal friend of Bill Cosby. Did I mention you're the only woman I ever loved?

Jazz · Will:Don't mention that to my fiancée, Hilary. Jazz, that is Hilary.

Will · Jazz:We sound like an old married couple. So now I'm old?

Jazz:He's the source that revealed that Mariah Carey's black.

Jazz · Tyriq:You sold me a fake Rolex. You paid with a fake 20.

Jazz:He's the source who revealed Color Me Badd was white.

Jazz:Yo, Mr. Banks, my tubby judicial brother.

Jazz:a show both salubrious and sudorific.

Jazz:Yeah, what Will needs is intellectual capacitance.

Jazz:You dating Whoopi Goldberg?

Jazz:Dang, your toilet broke, too?

Jazz:Company with breasts. / They're lonely.

Jazz:Sorry, my brother... but those are the harsh realities of the cruel world in which we habitate. And now, booty awaits me.

Jazz:Why would I want to buy a broken CD player?

Jazz:You told me to get it cleaned. So I washed it.

Jazz:At least I got out all the A.1. sauce.

Jazz:Haagen-Dazs opened in Bel-Air?

Jazz:Will, I got $2,000 worth of parking tickets.

Jazz:Can I borrow $2,000?

Jazz:Ain't you going to even bother to throw me out?

Jazz:You probably want to hang out with educated people... who drink their malt liquor in a glass.

Jazz:Don't try to impress me with your fancy education.

Jazz:You used to think that was cute.

Jazz:You used to think that was cute

Jazz:I'm not a faucet to be turned on and off at your whim. I have emotions.

Jazz:I'm not a faucet to be turned on and off at your whim. I have emotions

Jazz:Or you would be if you combed your hair once in a while. And some lipstick wouldn't kill you, either.

Jazz:I put the 'afro' in aphrodisiac.

Jazz:and for the republic in which it stands

Jazz:Get busy.

Jazz:Hey. This is God's crib. Take that in the street where it belongs.

Jazz:Any minute now that minister's going to realize his house ain't on fire.

Jazz:Granted, my brother, we're good, but people can still see us.

Jazz:You know, my child, I've never known the pleasures of the flesh... but I could be convinced to give up the priesthood for you.

Jazz:Don't go away baby. Bartender, another Olde English for the lady.

Jazz:Now, get a bottle of whiskey, liquor that girl up... and take advantage of her. Be a man for God's sake.

Jazz:To me, it's just freeze-dried coffee, just in case. Just in case.

Jazz:I spent eight years in high school.

Jazz:Here, Carlton.

Will · Jazz:Jazz, how did you get in the trunk? It was easy. Oh, by the way, you need a new lock for your garage.

Jazz:Well, between this soda can and what I got in my wallet... I'm good for a nickel.

Will · Jazz:What do you say, Jazz? You turn my $30 into $300? Does James Brown use a hot comb?

Will · Jazz:Jazz, that was our last chip, man. Don't worry, man. We got her right where we want her.

Will · Jazz:Jazz, you lost all our money, man. I thought you said you knew how to play poker. Poker? You mean this isn't Go Fish?

Jazz:I'm sorry. Emergency bean-pot fund.

Jazz:If I apply the Vulcan death grip, and press real hard right here... I believe I can make him black out.

Jazz:That boy put the 'E' in ignorant.

Jazz:Will, honestly, I don't think Ashley wanted to come along.

Jazz:Then he should feel right at home.

Jazz:How good are you at faking seizures?

Jazz:Philip, I have $1,000 with your name on it. Do the family a favor, get Viv some cooking lessons.

Ashley · Jazz:Vroom, vroom? Very clever. I'll get you two. Vroom, vroom, vroom.

Jazz:I'm guessing the bride won't be wearing white.

Jazz:I'm sorry, Bob, this is a bad time.

Jazz:It's just, always a bridesmaid, never a bride.

Jazz · Vivian:I brought a gift for baby Dicky. - Nicky. - Yeah. - Thank you. - Whatever.

Jazz:You know, Ms. Banks, since you had that baby... there's something different about you.

Jazz:So? When you buy a wallet, doesn't it have someone else's picture in it first?

Will · Jazz:Jazz, you stole this pillow. It's the thought that counts.

Jazz:All right, y'all, everybody in rows one through 15...the party's in apartment 206.

Jazz:And have money in your hands. Senior citizens get a 10-percent discount. I do take tips.

Jazz:This is Jazz's mother. He's not here.

Jazz · Will:This is Publishers Clearinghouse. You've already won. / It's about time.

Jazz:I heard somebody disguised as me ran a party scam.

Will · Jazz:Jazz, you got me kicked out my crib, man. / Let me make it up to you. / Talk fast, you've only got a few minutes to live.

Jazz · Will:You can stay here with me. / In this roach motel?

Jazz:Man, I was sneaking the bus back to the depot and I got held up. White dude. He took the bus too.

Will · Jazz:The money's gone, isn't it? / Like the Jheri curl.

Jazz:That's the Wilsons. You'll get to know them.

Jazz:Fool. Like that was his real head.

Jazz:So with that in mind, what are you doing later?

Jazz:Oh, yeah, I forgot. There's a hostage situation back at my building. SWAT team said it'd be a week before we could get back in.

Jazz:It's my property. I'm gonna inherit it after the big guy takes his bungee jump.

Jazz · Will:Will! So glad it's you. I heard someone disguised as me just ran a party scam. / I'm sorry, what? / How many people think we doing that again?

Jazz:It was when I did the wild thing for the first time

Jazz:I cut out of high school to go to Soul Train. The next thing I knew, me and this honey was knocking boots...behind the Soul Train Scrabble board.

Jazz:Hey, hey. High school was boring, okay?

Jazz:Man, I remember my first time. It was everything a young man could dream of. And it only cost me 35 bucks.

Jazz:But, of course, things were cheaper then.

Jazz:Maybe he ain't got nothing to talk about. Lockjaw.

Jazz:We're gonna name our first son after you, Daddy. By the way, I thought we could get started tonight.

Jazz:They think I'm the black dude from Mod Squad.

Jazz:Santa left it in the men's room.

Will · Jazz:Peacock-a-cola? I made that one up myself. It shows.

Jazz:Phillipe told me you cut the teeth marks off the pickles and reuse them.

Jazz · Carlton:My babies. Even Oliver? He has a heart murmur. Even Oliver.

Jazz:It pays to have friends at the urology lab.

Jazz:Now, why would I steal something I can't sell?

Jazz:Just ask Flat Nose Gary.

Jazz:Restraining order. It's a long story.

Jazz:Oh, no. You don't understand, Mrs. Banks. She don't come in naked.

Jazz:Who said anything about leaving the lot?

Jazz:That's all right, I have a real friend at the bus depot.

Jazz:Yo, the twins that sleep in the same bed?

Jazz · Will:Oh, wait. I just remembered, I can't go. Well, why not? I'm getting married.

Jazz:I saw her on Cops, getting busted for grand theft auto.

Will · Jazz:Jazz, the woman's a convict? We prefer the term 'freedom impaired.'

Jazz:But the truth is, behind these shades, there's a big, empty hole.

Jazz · Will:My other friends pretend to like me for my money. That's because you owe it to them.

Jazz:Why not. It's free.

Jazz:We follow an execution.

Unknown · Jazz:Somebody wants to know where the bride is registered. Gillespie Liquors.

Jazz:She touched me, Will. And I know she'll touch you too.

Jazz:We're gonna have 10 kids. One for every month of the year.

Jazz · Will:But we gonna name them all after you. Jazz, hey, you ain't got to do that, man. Okay, then, we'll name them Earl.

Jazz:We gonna keep our kids out of reform school.

Jazz:I ain't never owned anything that still had the serial number on it.

Jazz:You're one jewel I never wanna hock.

Jazz:Sometimes I wanna bite you to see if you're really real.

Jazz:If love was craps, you'd be a seven. If it was on the first roll. But if it was on the second roll, and the point was six, you'd be a six. No, actually, you'd be a nine. I'd play the field on the second roll, make a couple of extra bucks. Then you'd be a six on the third roll, and then I'd clean up.

Jazz:You know what I'm trying to say. I love you, and you make me feel lucky.

Jazz:I told the landlord, I don't you repainting our apartment. Those stains have memories.

Jazz:Don't worry, me and Jewel could sleep out on a park bench. I hear rain is nature's moisturizer.

Jazz · Carlton:There's a whole army of these action figures around my bed. They're fertility gods, Carlton.

Jazz · Jewel:The doctor at the clinic says this is when I'm at my most fertile... which reminds me, sweetie. I took my temperature, all systems go.

Jazz:Permission to board the mother ship.

Jazz:But since you ain't getting us no wedding present, this is the least you could do.

Jazz:Your levity is inappropriate. We've been at the free clinic all morning... to find out why my oven is as yet bunless.

Jazz:I mean, we ain't never gonna have a baby... because my little soldiers ain't marching.

Jewel · Jazz:Jazz, didn't I tell you to not be wearing them bikini drawers? You told me not to wear them in the streets. You ain't tell me not to wear them.

Jazz:We can't afford another free clinic.

Jazz · Jewel:You hear that, munchkin? He's giving us a VCR too. He's so full of love.

Jazz:Remember that time we went to go play ball... and your shoelace broke and I gave you mine? Same thing.

Jazz:I mean, you got a good heart. And you got a lot of smarts... and you're tall, and you got good teeth. Of course, we'll be praying he gets my ears.

Will · Jazz:'Heard you had a stroke'? It was the closest we could find. You know, for some reason, Hallmark has overlooked this occasion.

Jazz:No one must know of my secret shame. The oath.

Jazz:I know we invited you to dinner, but would you mind paying for it? I saw my picture over the cash register.

Will · Jazz:I tried to get in touch. Where are you staying? On the street. At least until Jewel lets me back in the house.

Jazz:By the way, who's playing the mother this year?

Jazz:Man, I'm going back on the street where things make sense.

Jazz:Since I married Jewel, I'm a changed man. Unless the double date's with Hilary.

Jazz:Hey, brown sugar. [HELICOPTER WHIRRING] I gotta go.

Jazz:Two pair. A pair of red fives and a pair of black fives.

Jazz · Will:No? Where were you, Kalamazoo? Alabama.

Jazz:Ain't nothing that me and Will don't know about each other. Except this.

Jazz:What life? I'm a married man. By the way, if Jewel asks, we were at our pottery class tonight.

Will · Jazz · Carlton:Wait a minute, you'll miss the best part of the story, where we meet the bear. The bear? Oh, pfft, the bear. Yeah.

Jazz:Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go sit on a vase and get home to my wife.

Will · Jazz:Well, what did he do? / Last I heard, he was playing Diana Ross in La Cage aux Folles.

Jazz:Counterfeiters, extortionists, car salesmen.

Will · Jazz:Wait a minute, this guy will let me punch him 10 times for 40 dollars? / Mention this ad, and he'll throw in a head butt.

Will · Jazz:Hey, man, where'd you get this from anyway? / I stole it.

Will · Jazz:Jazz, you can take your fake cop. Lisa left. / Will, he's real. / And so is he.

Will · Jazz:Jazz, you can take your fake cop. Lisa left. / Will, he's real. / And so is he.

Jazz:You out of the mix, man. You're married

Will · Jazz:Extended bee metaphor sequence about relationships and parties

Jazz:Look at how cute... You are a lucky man

Jazz:It's always hard the first time. I remember mine.

Jazz:I'd forgotten how much Jewel hates anchovies on her pizza.

Jazz:Check it out, Will. I'm the black dude on ER.

Jazz:It doesn't have to be a toy to be fun. Check this out. Clear. [SCREAMING THEN CRASH]

Jazz:Her ex-cellmate broke out. They're having dinner.

Jazz:[IN HIGH-PITCHED VOICE] I'm okay. I'm okay.

Jazz:Get off me. I'm only gonna say this twice.

Jazz:[IN JAMAICAN ACCENT] Uncle Phil, mon... how would you like to live in an island paradise?

Jazz:The sun from your melon be blinding the little children.

Jazz:I lived in a strip mall, Mr. Banks. And I don't need to tell you how hard it is to take a bath in the men's room sink.

Jazz:I told you to get a big-screen TV.

Jazz · Phil:- Knock, knock. - Who's there? The head of the tenants association. That's me.

Jazz:After you put a couple of million dollars in this place, it'll be worth thousands.

Jazz:Somebody keep making them damn Chevy Chase movies.

Jazz:Sticky stuff on the stairs tastes bitter.

Jazz:Damn, a coat of paint in a roach motel and you're all over yourself.

Jazz:Yeah, an offer to withhold my rent until I can come up with it.

Jazz · Will:[YELLS] [JAZZ THUDDING] Ooh. My God. Uh, that's okay, Uncle Phil. His rent check would have bounced too.

Jazz:The Strip 'N Trip wanna know if the hotel will furnish extension cords? And tell Naughty Nelvina and The Naked Drill Team to wear coats or they'll never get past hotel security.

Will · Jazz · Tom:I was trying to get up to my room. / Hey, Tom, what was you doing? / I was trying to be in the video.

Will · Jazz · Carlton:Man, this party is dull. / No, man, this party is stupid. / No, no, no, this party is crazy, flat, dumb, dumb, doodie.

Will · Jazz · Carlton:You're the man. You're the man. / You're the man. / You're the man. / BOTH: Ahhh!

Carlton · Will · Jazz:Jazz is the best man? / Then what the heck am I? / Short.

Carlton · Jazz:He got me Rolanda, the Rubber Lady. / Look, I'll have you know that Stan, the world's smartest duck... was this close to getting on Leno.

Jazz · Will:Can I throw a party or what? / I don't believe this. / There's a python and some triplets in there... and I'm stuck in here with Ren and Stumpy.

Carlton · Jazz:Let me out! Let me out! / This is all your fault, you finger-licking ragamuffin.

Jazz:Who are you calling muffin, Little Debbie?

Jazz:She tied a pork chop around your neck just so the dog would play with you.

Jazz:The wife and I are split up. Inconsolable differences.

Jazz:And so did the weave.

Will · Jazz:Hortense? Jazz, I thought her name was Jewel. Just one of her many lies.

Jazz:Damn. That's even worse than getting beat up by a girl.

Jazz:Come get your freak on at Club Freak On. Took me a long time to find something that rhymed with Freak On.

Jazz:It'd have been great if that candle hadn't burned the roof of my mouth.

Jazz:Why not? She got a nice big head.

Jazz · Frederick:Man, the way this guy talk cracks me up. What y'all people call this? A clock. "A clock." Heh, heh, heh. I gotta remember that.

Jazz · Frederick:What y'all people call this? A clock. 'A clock.' Heh, heh, heh. I gotta remember that.

Jazz:"The bathroom." Damn, I gotta learn how to speak that language.

Jazz:Will, I thought you said we was going out tonight? Here I come, y'all.

Jazz:Happy birthday, Mr. Banks. Heard you had quite a soiree last night. That's French for 'shindig.'

Jazz:They're false teeth. They were my grandmom's. She don't need them no more.

Jazz:Hey, who turned out the lights?