Community Action

Will · Jazz:What happened to your Whitney Houston cutout? She fell apart in the shower.

Jazz:My building's being evacuated due to bubonic plague.

Will:Jazz, you're about as welcome here as Mike Tyson at a beauty pageant.

Jazz:Man, just throw us in the gutter. Looks like rain. You got any Scotchgard for Bill?

Jazz · Will:What would Bill do in that situation? Usually Pudding Pops.

Jazz:Kuwaiti was my last hope. And he suspects me of borrowing his whitewalls. I did, but he ain't got no right to make that assumption.

Jazz:Shoot, right now, I ain't even got a friend in Jesus.

Jazz:I will, however, require complete silence during The Young and the Restless.

Vivian · Geoffrey:Geoffrey, it sounds like you're getting a cold. Not at all, madam. It was barely a stipple.

Geoffrey:As you bish, madam.

Carlton:Isn't free parking guaranteed by the Constitution?

Will:Yeah, that's what Desert Storm was all about.

Will:Can't a brother get a pedicure?

Will:Hey, after the last time, I just bought a car cover.

Will:Sure, blame the black guy.

Carlton · Philip · Ashley:That's my cassette player. That's my bathrobe. That's my girlfriend.

Will:But enough about Marion Barry. Can Jazz stay here?

Philip · Jazz:Geoffrey bathes. I can learn.

Jazz:If you need me, I'll be asleep under your car. But just honk before you throw it in reverse.

Jazz · Will:I sleep naked with the window open. I hope that don't bother you. No, that's cool with me. You're sleeping in Carlton's room.

Will:No, that's cool with me. You're sleeping in Carlton's room.

Hilary:Get the heck out of here.

Mr. Clifford:That cute little tenderoni there got my pressure so high, I'm about to blow a gasket.

Patient · Hilary:Hey there, Herman. No, it's Hilary. But you can call me Herman if you want to.

Hilary:Well, not exactly, but I've seen every single episode of St. Elsewhere.

Nurse:That's not gonna happen here.

Hilary:It's sort of a shooting pain. It shoots from one ankle to the other.

Vivian:Thank you for marrying... Carrying her.

Ashley:Do you come in a smaller size?

Philip:Well, if you ever gave me any thigh, maybe I'd know the difference.

Will:Jazz. I've had it with you, man! I'm about to... thank you for starching my lucky drawers.

Will:Not only that, they're bulletproof.

Jazz:Malcolm's one of my heroes, too. I idolize Malcolm. He's the only reason I watch The Cosby Show.

Jazz:After I spent all morning frying the salami.

Alec:I wasn't always, but it was the only way I could get a scholarship.

Jazz:Before I stuck it in the machine, I washed my hands.

Jazz:Before I stuck it in the machine, I washed my hands.

Vivian:Now, baby, why don't you sit down and never get up?

Jazz:which is easier for some than others.

Jazz:Thank God, 'cause I thought you were singing.

Jazz:There ain't enough for him.

Alec:She sure was. I'm sorry I lost her number.

Jazz:I suppose everybody's too full to eat the Pop-Tarts I made for dessert.

Jazz:Just like black folk. Eat, then they got to go to sleep.

Jazz:If he don't know whether or not somebody's alive, he's in the wrong damn business.

Jazz:If you want me to leave the room, just ask.

Jazz:Hey, baby. I'm Jazz, a close, personal friend of Bill Cosby. Did I mention you're the only woman I ever loved?

Jazz · Will:Don't mention that to my fiancée, Hilary. Jazz, that is Hilary.

Will:that's a trash compactor! When Uncle Phil sees that it's gonna be a Jazz compactor!

Will · Jazz:We sound like an old married couple. So now I'm old?

Herman:Course you could be cross-eyed with a rash and still take my cash.

Herman:I ain't got that much time left. I'll be back in three.

Alec · Hilary:Mandela was freed two years ago. And I, for one, want to make sure he stays that way.

Hilary:Is 7:01 okay?

Hilary:Well, no. But I did talk several of them into shaving under their arms.

Will · Alec:Get the heck out of here, I'm one of them, too. Yeah, well, down at the hospital, they refer to me as Brother Doogie.

Hilary:Who's up for meatloaf?

Hilary:Next time I donate an organ, I'm just gonna let someone else perform the surgery.

Hilary:Are you teaching her to read?

Hilary:And I lied. I really did think Eldridge Cleaver was a big chopping knife.

Philip:Jazz, would you prefer a Muslim or a Viking burial?