Love Hurts

Lisa · Will:Oh, Casablanca always makes me cry. / Oh, good. I thought it was me.

Will:Can I...? / Can I see you...? / Can I see you... again?

Will:You know, I ain't talking about marriage or nothing, though.

Hilary · Carlton:Oh, do me, do me. / Hilary, you're August 18th. / Wow, you are good.

Carlton:Come see the amazing Rock Dwarfsky... the world's shortest square-headed Negro.

Family member:What was he doing there?

Carlton:What? / I've seen this look before. The facial flush, the flare in his nostrils. Look at his eyes.

Will:We choose not to define our relationship.

Hilary:God, I'm lonely.

Lisa · Will:I wonder why you don't see a lot of black professional bowlers. / Ain't no money in it. Look... how much dough could a brother make endorsing a pair of these?

Will:Hi, I'm Darnell Washington, pro bowler. Whenever I'm about to roll me a 300 game, I like to do it in these. Air Ghettos.

Will · Lisa:Girl, you just won yourself a date to a carnival with an ebony god. / Really? / I'd rather go with you.

Antagonist:Excuse me, Dark Gable.

Will:Excuse me, Messy Snipes?

Will:A what? A Power Ranger?

Lisa · Will:Baby, you were on the floor. / That's how I fight.

Carlton:You, sir, with the big ears. How about testing your skill?

Carlton:You, sir, with the big ears. How about testing your skill?

Carlton · Will:Got a noodle for an arm? / Carlton, that's Ken Griffey Jr., man.

Hilary · Ken Griffey Jr.:Hi, quarterback. / How you doing? / I'm kind of chilly. Wanna take me to Hawaii? / Sorry, I'm married. / Then stop flirting with me.

Lisa · Will:Will, you shouldn't be threatened by my knowledge of shotokan. / Whoa, whoa, whoa. First, I don't care if you know Chaka Khan. I ain't threatened by nobody.

Will:First, I don't care if you know Chaka Khan. I ain't threatened by nobody.

Lisa · Carlton:Carlton, can I confide in you? / I feel it too, Lisa. / Feel what? / Never mind.

Lisa · Will:You'd rather a guy bash your face in... than to have a woman who likes this face... step in and save it? / Finally you understand.

Geoffrey:He says he's at the store.

Hilary:If I was with a wimp who couldn't defend himself, I'd just leave.

Will:Hello? Mr. Yoshi? Yiki-Yo, Yoshi?

Will:[IN CHINESE ACCENT] Chan, you have offended my family. Now I must avenge my brother's death.

Will · Mr. Yoshi:Hey, listen, man, I wanna be just like Steven Seagal. / Oh, you wanna be a bad actor. Ha-ha-ha.

Will:Yeah, that's cool, but can we hurry? I gotta whup somebody's butt quick.

Will:Listen, can you teach me that thing... where you ram somebody's nose up into they brain?

Will · Mr. Yoshi:Without what? / I see symbolism is not one of your strong points.

Will · Jazz:Well, what did he do? / Last I heard, he was playing Diana Ross in La Cage aux Folles.

Jazz:Counterfeiters, extortionists, car salesmen.

Will · Jazz:Wait a minute, this guy will let me punch him 10 times for 40 dollars? / Mention this ad, and he'll throw in a head butt.

Will · Jazz:Hey, man, where'd you get this from anyway? / I stole it.

Phil · Vivian:Fine, take the money. But then what? Holed up in some fleabag motel waiting for the man to come and take you away. And all that's left is to walk that last long, lonely mile with the Lord's Prayer... / Will you give the man the damn money?

Will · Real Robber:Hey, look, point it right at me. Make it look real. / Huh?

Will · Jazz:Jazz, you can take your fake cop. Lisa left. / Will, he's real. / And so is he.

Will · Jazz:Jazz, you can take your fake cop. Lisa left. / Will, he's real. / And so is he.

Will:And all that for only 40 bucks?

Will:And all that for only 40 bucks?

Will:But usually I know why I be tripping, man, but this time I don't have no clue.

Will:Well, no, but I seen The Flintstones, like, five times.

Will:Yeah. I got plenty of dudes out there still looking for places.

Phil · Will:No, I guess I don't. / Then why didn't you just say so? / Because I'm a man. Hmph.

Lisa:Shouldn't you be out fighting crime?

Will:No, I'm crazy about you. There's a difference.

Will · Lisa:I was trying to fight Akira's dragon. Only the dragon was from without. / Without what? / That's the same place the whole thing fell apart for me too.

Will:Cool. But you know if we had the same job, I'm gonna still make more money.

Carlton:Get a room.