Wills Up A Dirt Road

Will:Oh, I'm trying to see how close I can get to your head without hitting it.

Lisa:You know, you're not doing a very good job.

Will · Lisa:Now you're in trouble sequence and kiss

Will:Oh, you mean like in a suave, debonair, Denzel-ian kind of way, right?

Will:Your mom goofy.

Hilary:My horoscope said that I will prosper in my house. So I figured I better go buy one.

Hilary:Nothing fancy. No more than six or seven bedrooms. And I don't even care if it has a wine cellar. For now.

Hilary:I have discovered a unique method of savings. I never spend my own money.

Carlton:All this time, you've been hoarding your salary while feasting away on the family fortune?

Phil:All I heard is that she's moving.

Carlton · Phil · Ashley:CARLTON: Freeloader. PHIL: Undependable. ASHLEY: He's not a freeloader. CARLTON: Lazy.

All · Carlton:ALL: Yes, that's it. CARLTON: Exactly. We're going to go with goofy, Will.

Carlton:Will, if there's one thing I know, it's about women not calling.

Will:Pfft. I mean, if I put my mind to it, I could write in any one of them old magazines.

Will:Pfft. I mean, if I put my mind to it, I could write in any one of them old magazines.

Will:A bubble bath? 'Marvin, take me away.'

Carlton:Oh, a coloring book.

Carlton · Will:Well. / Well, what? / Never mind.

Will:I'm gonna call it Celebrities' Houses At Night.

Will:Hey, man, look, I even trim my nose hair. Check it out.

Will:Will's romantic speech about Lisa

Carlton:Carlton crying and asking for a hug, then driving erratically

Will:Look like Bob up in there getting his freak on. Bobby, come on down.

Will:Look at Richard Simmons in his back yard cooking them big old stank sausages.

Will:You're not letting your cerebellum rotate.

Will:I'm ambidextrous.

Will · Lisa:Number four: Get naked. What? WILL: No, my fault. I was just kidding.

Will:Good evening, you fine Nubian princess. I set up a little surprise for you tonight, so just follow instructions and enjoy.

Will:When there's a sock in the door, you sleep on the lawn.

Carlton:'Jay Leno: Earth Enemy Number One' by Will Smith?

Will:Well, at least I got paid.

Will:Jay Leno is suing me for $10 million.

Phil · Will:How do you go from trying to make a little impression on Lisa... to being sued by Jay Leno for $10 million? / Um... I'm goofy?

Will:Um... I'm goofy?

Will:I mean, he like Hugh Hefner. And I'm an innocent young girl from the Midwest.

Will:I mean, he like Hugh Hefner. And I'm an innocent young girl from the Midwest.

Will:I do something stupid, you clean it all up. The only difference is this time, I didn't do nothing.

Will · Phil:I'd pay $10 million to not have to hear that again. / I'd pay $10 million so I didn't have to say it again.

Hilary:Hilary's elaborate maid route explanation for cocktail sauce spill

Hilary:You're right. Who cares how far Hildegard has to walk?

TV Reporter:destroying the rain forest, the ozone layer... and the one tree that grows in Brooklyn.

Carlton:You're liable for libel. Get it? Those are homonyms.

Will:Carlton, your next crack is gonna be in your head.

Will · John Ridley:Listen, John. How long have you been a standup? / About 10 years. Why? / I just hate this part of my job. / What part? / Dude, you've been bumped.

Will impersonating comedian:I won't even pick the cotton out of a bottle of aspirin.

Will:I think I did you a favor, bro. Come on.

Will bombing on stage:But I couldn't take it because I'm black. What I mean is, you know, the bottle had cotton in it, you know. Get it? Cotton. I'm black.

Jay Leno:You, goofy? Gee, I can't imagine how she got that idea.

Jay Leno:You are goofy, and you are an idiot. That's beside the point. It's kind of a romantic thing.

Will:I'm saying... What do you mean by 'wacky'?

Will:I'm saying... What do you mean by 'wacky'?

Carlton · Ashley:No, he's not wacky. No. / She did not mean that. / No, I mean, you're an irresponsible lazy bum, but you're not...