Something For Nothing

Carlton:Hey, I thought you wanted a rematch.

Will:Forget it, man. Go pick on somebody your own size.

Ramon:Say, I've got a half peanut butter and jelly sandwich in my pocket... with your name on it.

Ramon:Man, those lines kill on the jungle gym.

Will:It's killing me how much you remind me of myself. Why? 'Cause we're both down with b-ball? Well, no, 'cause don't nobody want to see my frog neither.

Will:Hey, man, that's kinda similar to my motto: keep your hands on their thighs.

Will · Geoffrey:Oh, by the way, G, she told me to tell you hello. Really? No, I just wanted to watch the Earl Grey run through your veins.

Geoffrey:When we have children like that in England we encourage them to emigrate.

Will:Really? I'm feeling kinda lucky, man. Why don't you go outside?

Will:Sorry, C., no way to beat it, you're odd.

Hilary:Vivian Banks: any job she wants.

Uncle Phil:It's great to know that all those years of law school are finally coming in handy.

Will · Hilary:I ain't down with that old country club stuff... sitting around all night discussing mayonnaise... with four white guys named Biff. Isn't Biff a riot?

Will:I'd rather be stranded at sea with David Duke leading the rescue party.

Will · Carlton:How Uncle Phil gonna play a nephew? -How's Daddy gonna play a daughter?

Ashley:I can't believe he thinks I'm too young to gamble. I've been eating Hilary's cooking since I was three.

Vivian:It is when your breasts don't come with a receipt.

Will:Okay, why is Michael Jackson hanging with that little boy from Home Alone?

Ashley:Oh, joy.

Ashley:Being 13 bites. And I'm too young to know what it bites.

Ashley:Why don't you just slap a diaper on me and hang a mobile over my head?

Geoffrey:Shaken, not stirred. I trust you won't be dancing on the table with a lamp shade on your head.

Geoffrey:Ante is one vanilla wafer. Table limit, four mint Milanos.

Ashley:I'm 13! If these were the Middle Ages, I'd already be married... and own a pair of oxen.

Geoffrey · Ashley:I'll get my wallet. -I'll get my Smurf bank.

Carlton:Will, you poor public school casualty.

Will:Wow, you know, Carlton, you are lucky. That could have been an asteroid.

Country Club Member:We're not here because of the way she shuffles cards, you know what I mean?

Will:All right, Robin from the 'hood is in the house. Give me 7-11, I don't mean the store. Taketh from the rich and giveth unto the poor! Blow on these bones for me, would you, slummy?

Will:Carlton, and I, too, have a dream. And in it all of the world rises up and overcomes your stupidity... now stay out of my face.

Will:All right, my lucky drawers is riding high, put your money on me or kiss it goodbye!

Will:Hoagies, cheese steaks, chicken on a spit... seven come eleven 'cause I'm too legit to quit!

Geoffrey:Where did you learn? A back alley in Calcutta?

Will:Hey! Now, who's hotter than Madonna in a pointy bra?

Will:And it is with humongous pleasure that I take this chumpy off your hands.

Will:Well, we got a club tradition in Philly, too... it says if they don't have one, you don't give them your money.

Will · Ashley:I mean, it ain't like I took the Benz drag racing down Sunset... at 4:00 in the morning. -Tattletale.

Will:Whoa, hold up. You calling a red leather suit with matching seat covers a whim?

Will:Whoa, puberty's in the house.

Ramon · Will:How else am I gonna get to basketball camp? -$150. Hey, I gotta make up the differences somewhere.

Will:All right, well, hey, let's just get out of here before... Linda Blair's head starts spinning around.

Hilary:Yeah, but if I take all of you I won't have enough money left over to buy a hat.

Vivian:But did you know that both of them were wearing nothing but cleats?

Uncle Phil:It was the tennis pro in the steam room. But the cleats part is right.

Country Club Member:It's gold. It's worth something.

Henry:Oh, sure and Mrs. Silverberg was wearing cleats... because she forgot her shower shoes.

Ashley:A few pennies, $94. Why split hairs?

Ashley:Like the time I beat Bobby Greenspan at tetherball. After that, he told everyone at school that I took steroids.

Ashley:I had to stuff Bobby Greenspan in his locker before he would apologize.

Ramon:And if you beat me again, I'm taking my ball and I ain't being your friend.

Will:You grabbed Geoffrey's underwear by mistake, am I right?

Ramon:Wow, Will, you must be loaded! You spent $1,000 and had another $1,000 to give to me for basketball camp? I gotta raise your shoeshine rate.

Will:Well, you know, it's just a loan, till his sneaker endorsement comes through... you know, around 2010.

Will:I want to know if you was down with donating... to the United Negro Nephew Fund.

Will:You know, they say a Saturday night is a terrible thing to waste.