Will Gets A Job

Will:Thirty seconds on high, Spock. Energize.

Carlton:Captain, we're going into a warp drive, we're running low on dilithium crystals.

Will · Carlton:Do something, Bones. / Jim, I'm a doctor, damn it, not a short-order cook.

Will:Do I look like Wilma Flintstone?

Will:Come on, beat it, man. There's barely enough for me.

Carlton:This one's Geoffrey's. He filled out the order form.

Geoffrey:No, but if there's a God in heaven I will by Christmas.

Carlton:There's still the tux, the limousine... the pre-party party, the post-party party, and, in your case, bail.

Hilary:I always find that when you ask for large sums, it helps if you take his hand... look deep into his eyes, and tell him you have cramps.

Carlton:That only worked for Hilary. When I tried it he sent me to a specialist.

Carlton:Well, that's only worth $25. Besides, it's really hard on your knees.

Will:And that suit you got on... man, it's great how it accentuates your massive... weight loss, man.

Will:I got cramps.

Uncle Phil:How much? What's it cost? And will I get sued?

Uncle Phil:I could close my eyes, and I'd swear I'm talking to Carlton.

Ashley:Anywhere. When the lava flows, it's every missionary for himself.

Ashley:Where? I don't see a buffed guy. I only see Carlton.

Ashley:Oh, God. He's coming over here. I can't look. Hand me a missionary.

Tina:You're athletic, too? I should have known by your bulging forearms.

Carlton:They do draw stares.

Geoffrey:I'm sure when he called you a sophomoric cretin it was just a figure of speech.

Will · Geoffrey:Could you put that on a croissant for me? / Certainly.

Geoffrey · Will:Swiss? / No, Gorgonzola.

Will:Yo, man, how you gonna play a brother on the Grey Poupon?

Carlton · Geoffrey:Can you make me a Gorgonzola sandwich on a croissant, heavy on the Grey Poupon? / Certainly.

Will:Oh, my God. Uncle Phil is right, G. I'm turning into Carlton.

Will:Now you see it, now you don't.

Will:Yo, the funky Fresh is back in the flesh with a vengeance, homes.

Will:Hey, I'm gonna eat that though. / But I ain't gonna enjoy it.

Will · Uncle Phil:Excuse me, what did you call me? / I called you Will. / No, you didn't. You called me Carlton.

Will:And they didn't, like, stop the game?

Will:I want to sit in the $2 seats where my feet be sticking to the floor and a big, fat, crusty, bloated dude is sitting behind me belching in my ear.

Cindy:Do you think they're gonna have that great pasta salad?

Will:Man, you take bad news better than anybody I ever met.

Cindy · Will:I wonder if it shows too much cleavage. / About how many corsages you gonna be needing?

Tina:Carlton, those khaki pants make you look so Field and Stream. Take me camping.

Carlton:Well, I don't think anyone believed you were Colin Powell.

Tina:Studying? That is so cool. Are you going to highlight or underline?

Will:I think those two are a match made in midget heaven.

Ashley:Yeah, right, and I can't go, either. A dog ate my volcano.

Ashley:You couldn't lie to Daddy about his weight, either?

Carlton:Now, I want you to walk out that door, hop on your bike, and pedal like hell.

Carlton:I might as well face it. I'm irresistible to women. Now I know what Tom Jones feels like.

Will:Why don't you just do me like Kunta Kinte and chop off my foot?

Uncle Phil:Only after the El Presidente Platter.

Vivian:I think the Jeffersons were still trying to move on up.

Uncle Phil:You'd believe that boy if he were to tell you he was a big rap star whose album just went platinum.

Will:Welcome to the briny deep, where none of our prices are ever too steep. We've got fresh fish. You can look in our tank. To get to the bathroom, make a left at the plank. Follow me.

Will:I think you'll be needing a booster seat, little boy.

Will:Sorry, man, we ain't got no more.

Will:Well, sir, we've got all three flavors of Slim-Fast.

Tina · Carlton:I like his eye patch, makes him look kind of dangerous. / You know, table tennis isn't exactly safe.

Carlton:Tina, I doubt if it's real, and there's a French-fry in it.

Will:I'm not a waiter. According to my uncle, I don't even have a job.

Tina:Carlton, you were my third love, and I'll never forget you... but I like Will now.

Carlton:He's not the only guy who can dress like an idiot.

Will · Uncle Phil:What did you say, pervert? / Oh, I'm sorry. I.... / Look, man, this is Treasure Island, okay? Now, Pleasure Island, that's a block down the street.

Will:Yeah, wait till they make you bob for your lobster.

Uncle Phil:That's the biggest load of bull I've heard since I left the farm.

Will:Of course, if I had my choice, I'd pick Ashley but....