Bundle Of Joy

Will:Y ou know, I used to think the only reason to kill a man was self-defense... but I just spent 45 minutes in the Volvo with another reason.

Unknown family member:This idiot is taking a mime class.

Will · Carlton:Carlton performing mime actions while Will threatens him

Will:A mime is a terrible thing to waste.

Will:Some of us more than others.

Will:And this is your mommy... and she look like she eating for a couple of brothers herself.

Will:Y ou know, I was going to knit some booties or something... but you know, I had to get yarn... and needles and... I'd have had to learn how to knit.

Phil · Will:Will, I'm eating. - Y ou'll hear a lot of that. - Y ou're grounded.

Will:Okay, that about sums up Uncle Phil.

Carlton:Y ou're sick, man. See a therapist, okay?

Will · Ashley:Care to elaborate? - A lot.

Will:Don't feel bad. She just mad 'cause she found out she ain't adopted.

Ashley:Bungee jumping.

Will:Hey, I move all the time. Let's have a party.

Ashley:What do I have to do, spit up on your shirt?

Ashley:Y'all hear something? Y eah, how about me screaming at the top of my lungs?

Phil · Will · Vivian:That little girl who used to hang out around here. Pretty little thing. Black hair. - Amanda. Ashley. - Or was it Anna? - No. Ashley.

Phil:I'm pretty sure it was Appalonia.

Will:Now, here come your two eldest siblings, Dopey and Greedy.

Will:No, man, for my money, classic musical comedy: Milli Vanilli.

Will:The whiner.

Will · Carlton:Shut up, Carlton. - Good call.

Ashley:Like when you took me up to the attic window... and told me I could fly? Or when you told me it was okay to roller skate down the steps.

Geoffrey:Judging by your lovely brothers and sisters... you're going to need an insurance policy before you're potty trained.

Hilary:Mom's 50 years old and you haven't pushed her out the door.

Hilary · Ashley:Aren't you forgetting something, baby sister? - You're prettier than I'll ever be. - Something else.

Hilary:So, tell me about your day at school... and move a little to the left.

Hilary:Y ou poor baby. Use the other arm.

Ashley:Oh, goody, a shoeshine kit.

Ashley · Hilary:Can I put the fan down first? - This time. It is your birthday.

Hilary:A spit polish. I meant on the shoes.

Ashley · Will:Maybe I'd just be better off being invisible. - I'm sorry, what'd you say, Ash?

Will:Y ou'll recognize him, he'll be the one at eye-level.

Carlton:Two birds! Two birds!

Phil:I remember something about twins... and I have this incredible urge for a sausage.

Carlton:We'll have to split the inheritance four ways... thanks to Forget-the-pill Phil.

Will:Now, you can finally have the son you always wanted.

Geoffrey:Preferably a young nanny... amply endowed, with no inhibitions.

Vivian · Geoffrey:An explanation. - Mid-life crisis.

Hilary:Geoffrey is so lazy.

Geoffrey:The baby's.

Geoffrey:Calgon, take me away!

Will:He pretends he doesn't like the family... but deep down inside he really hates us.

Carlton:Will, we're talking about kids, not malt liquor.

Will:Why don't you shut up before we send you back... to that white family that dropped you off on the doorstep?

Will · Fantasy Wife · Fantasy Kids:Will's perfect family fantasy sequence

Fantasy Will:Today we shot La Toya Jackson. And I had to keep turning the lights off 'cause she was melting.

Fantasy Will:Hey, Shaquille, Barkley, Jordan.

Fantasy Kid:What are hoops?

Fantasy Will:Y ou, you, you! Why must everything always be about you?

Fantasy Will:I want a girl with extensions in her hair... and bamboo earrings, at least two pair.

Will:Last time we sat around like this is when they reran Roots.

Carlton:Hey, it's a cruel world, big guy... and you're not going to be in it forever.

Geoffrey:Zip-a-dee, and might I add doo-dah!

Hilary:Okay, but I'm not sitting between you and the dessert cart. Last time I almost lost an eye.

Hilary:Why don't we just go eat out of a dumpster?

Ashley:Where'd everybody go?

Geoffrey:Geoffrey's rant about Will's sneakers and women