Will Gets Committed

Will:Shabba!

Will:It's kind of fly, right? Don't you wish you lived on TV?

Will:Must be what it sounds like to wake up in Little Richard's crib.

Will:She dumps you, Carlton.

Will:Step to it, Ash.

Hilary:Night, Sister Mary Margaret.

Will:Sister Mary Margaret drives a Porsche?

Will:Man, they must got it going on down at the convent, huh?

Hilary:We're not Catholic. Well, is my face red. Good night.

Hilary:I also said Daddy lost weight.

Will:Look, kids, this is where we lived when we first got married. And this is the little park where we walked little Hilary. And, look, there's the pet store where we bought little Carlton.

Carlton:I think it's cute. They're going to be mushy and lovey-dovey all day.

Uncle Phil:Vivian, what the hell is the matter with you?

Uncle Phil · Aunt Viv:Happy anniversary, sweetheart. It's not our anniversary, Philip. Oh, God, good.

Uncle Phil:Vivian, don't you think you're being just a wee bit erratic this morning?

Will:Well, actually, Aunt Viv, you got a kind of a Don King... Kris Kross, Bride of Frankenthing going.

Will:Not many people could pull it off. You know, as you're proving, right, but...

Aunt Viv:Shooting baskets with Michael Jordon.

Carlton:You know, Clair would never talk to Cliff like that.

Will:Yo, my brother, when the going gets tough, the tough gets going.

Will:It's Hammer time.

Will:Sorry about that, man, you know, you have to excuse my cousin... you know, he's an idiot.

Carlton:Oh, God, what a stallion. Time to saddle up.

Will:Yo, what's up, baby? Hurry up, write your number down before I don't want it no more.

Carlton:And I'm going to buy you a car.

Will:Carlton can't help you, he's on the debate team.

Carlton:Really, I'm captain of my debate team.

Simone:How about over there somewhere, like, say, Cleveland?

Will:Tell me to go to Cleveland, mushroom head.

Carlton:No, row versus wade, the best way to cross a stream.

Uncle Phil · Geoffrey:Predictable, sir? She said that I wear the same... Blue shirt every weekend, sir? Yes, I mean, just because a man has... Froot Loops every morning. Just because I watch... Legal Eagles every night.

Geoffrey:Why, you're a regular hotbed of spontaneity.

Hilary:Because your soda's flat.

Carlton:And then when I was 12, I played Maria... in an all-boy production of West Side Story.

Simone:Will you marry me?

Will:Well, there go the nerdyweds.

Uncle Phil · Aunt Viv:Don't... I'm not finished with you yet, woman. Well, I'm through with you, man. Yeah, that's right, I'm bad.

Noah:You're not coming back.

Will:Yo, I'm from Philly. We had to save up to be poor.

Noah:Tell Dan Quayle I said, 'What's up.'

Will:I don't even know Dan Quayle.

Hector:Make up your mind, man. What do you want me to do first?

Carlton:Dad, don't do anything stupid, you haven't updated your will yet.

Hector:Yeah, ain't you the guy from Family Matters?

Will:Curly? They must go way back.

Hilary · Carlton:Who's Hector? I don't know, but be nice to him... he's got a bat.

Hector:But, of course, who else could it be with those muy grandes orejas?

Will · Carlton:What does that mean? Big ears.

Will:Hector, let me see that bat for a second.

Carlton:I'll remember him now!

Hilary:Hector, I love what you've done with the place.

Will:He ain't doing that well.

Will:Look, there's Carlton.

Will:Don't even think about kissing me.

Ashley:Well, I tried flushing her down the toilet, but the little creep floats.

Ashley:What have you been smoking?

Will:Word up, and she was divorced, too.

Will:Parents just don't understand.

Carlton:No, The Wall Street Journal, the part where AMC goes belly up.

Will:What, tall?

Carlton:I'm black?

Carlton:I'm rich! I'm rich!

Will:Did I ever tell you folks how much I like visiting?

Will:Man, I wonder if that divorced lady still live here? She probably like 127 or something...

Hilary:Great! I'm going to plan a party.

Aunt Viv:Of course not. Lucky for you.

Aunt Viv:Philip, I'm pregnant!