Take My Cousin Please

Will:The last test he gave, I got a four, and I cheated.

Burton:I'll finish them tonight... right after I move the last of my things out of our... Her garage.

Burton:I guess I won't be needing that anymore.

Will:Behold. My chicktionary.

Burton · Will:There's a lot of F's. That ain't necessarily a bad thing, you know?

Burton · Will:What's the B mean? Be prepared for a possible F.

Will:Oh, and G.G.W.A.B. Means Good God What A Booty.

Burton · Will:Well, is she involved with anyone? Mostly just herself.

Burton:Maybe she could do the same for my grade.

Geoffrey:You mean your knife and fork?

Hilary:Where do they get these stories?

Hilary:But I think if Trevor were still alive, he'd want me to see other guys.

Will:Boy, don't make me have to turn the hose on y'all two.

Will:I'm saying, he's an English professor and... And you speak some English.

Will:Shields are down, Scotty. Fire!

Hilary:But don't you think Italy is more of a second date kind of thing.

Hilary:Well, duh.

Will:I need a price check on a Peacock athletic supporter. Size small.

Will:Never mind.

Burton:I'll make the test one question, open book.

Will:Welcome to the family, man.

Will:Rhetta, B.

Hilary:He has a mole.

Will:I sit in class with this man all day, every day, and I ain't ever seen no mole.

Hilary:But as the night went on, it got bigger and bigger... until it was all I could see.

Hilary:Oh, stop.

Will:Like in Philly, a big butt on a sister was considered a thing of beauty. You know, the more back baby got, the better. I mean, up to a point. Then, it's just nasty.

Hilary:Oh, the mole man. Tell him I moved.

Hilary:Hello, Spot... I mean, Scott.

Will:I'll work mole patrol.

Philip:Game, set, match. Now, stop whining. What's next?

Will:Yeah, they gypped us, though. They only gave us the tails.

Will:You are making a mountain out of a mole, Hil.

Hilary:Did you see how huge his Adam's apple is?

Hilary:I mean, what's in there, a basketball?

Hilary:You're telling me that Trevor was reincarnated in Scott's throat?

Will:You'll become one of them crazy old women... who walk around all day long with a shower cap on... with an old raggedy halter-top that say 'Jam.'

Will:And then you gonna start wearing rhinestone gauchos.

Will:[Incomprehensible rambling sound]

Will:The only man you're gonna be able to get is some fool named Grady... who be smelling like menthol all the time and falling asleep in his soup.

Hilary:Oh, God, I hate soup.

Will:Then you march through those curtains and you look his throat in the face!

Will:Hey did we miss the national anthem?

Will:Some fool named Grady.

Hilary:It's like watching a snake digest a rabbit.

Will:Did you see Throw Momma From The Train?

Will:No, not at all. A little.

Will:Hey, look, Pavarotti, go in there... and tell my date I'll be back in a minute.

Carlton:Mom, do me a favor. Don't have anymore babies.

Carlton:According to this, the crib malfunctioned... and an infant was tossed 50 feet in the air.

Philip:We can beat that.

Vivian:Even if it is a deathtrap.

Geoffrey:Look: It's a bird. It's a plane. It's Master Nicky.

Hilary:When I was a little girl, I never had any imaginary friends. I just used to play with Carlton's.

Hilary:And, God, they were such dweebs.

Will:I gotta go study for the massacre at little big mole.

Narrator:Shortly after, her parents demanded he be removed from the college.

Narrator:She remembers nothing.

Narrator:Baby Nicky only made it to 42 feet.