Sleepless In Bel Air

Branford:So, Will, I'm off like a dirty shirt.

Will:There's definitely some perks to working for NBC.

Will:You can sleep under the couch, you squidgit.

Will:These are big, mean, nasty, bug-eyed...take-over-the-human-race kind of crickets, man.

Will:Listen, if you're gonna hold the popcorn, make sure you hold it up in plain sight...so when he go reaching for the bucket...he don't miss, talking about, 'Oops.'

Will:And if he tells you to pull his finger, don't do it.

Ashley · Will:Daddy never gave Hilary a curfew. - He was probably hoping she wouldn't come back.

Will · Hilary:Oh, yeah, he probably thought you was hot, creamy and rich. - Oh, yeah, that's it. I was pretty sure I wasn't mountain-grown.

Carlton · Will:You know what? I know how we can make it even more like the study center. - I won't be here.

Will:I really don't feel like hearing about you and your little friends, okay?

Will:Yup, even if we were insects, I'd be bigger than you.

Will:I cracked it earlier when I had to write down...this honey's phone number right next to the periodical table.

Carlton:Little Timmy took a drink But he will drink no more For what he thought was H2O Was H2SO4

Will:Little Carlton was a boy Whose body was short and stumpy He never shut his mouth So I kicked his little rumpy

Will:Little Carlton was a boy Whose body was short and stumpy / He never shut his mouth So I kicked his little rumpy

Geoffrey:I haven't had one this good since I was strip searched at Dulles Airport.

Will:Well, these fingers can work magic. Ain't that what the honeys tell me, huh?

Uncle Phil:I've never seen a mugger at the Pussycat Theater.

Geoffrey:Idiot.

Vivian · Will:Maybe we should just try a bottle and a warm bath. - Thought you'd never ask.

Hilary:It's not made from nuts, it's from beans, so I guess I'm beans about coffee.

Hilary:I've always wondered, if coffee's made from beans...does that make it a vegetable?

Hilary:What do you think is propping up my makeup table?

Will:Yeah, you also thought Tupac Shakur was a Jewish holiday.

Will · Ashley:Look, Ashley, listen. Guys are only after two things. - I thought they were only after one. - Well, yeah, but they wanna do it more than once.

Geoffrey:Amazon women had just bound me with sinuous vines...and were taunting me with tangelos.

Uncle Phil · Hilary:What the hell is a tangelo? - 'Tangelo', the fruit of a hybrid citrus tree...that is a cross between certain varieties of grapefruit and tangerine.

Geoffrey:Yes, perhaps the scent of sea breeze...will recall some painful memory for him, and then he'll commit suicide.

Carlton:Remember last year when I skipped school...so I could pre-register for jury duty?

Uncle Phil:Must be the ventriloquist of the animal kingdom.

Uncle Phil · Geoffrey:Now I know how Captain Ahab felt when he was chasing Moby Dick. - Between the two of you, the cricket is the whale?

Hilary:'Unemployed. Out of work, jobless, not being used. I.E., a person who does not have a job.' See, the answer is right at your fingertips.

Will:Oh, well. I guess sometimes that little hardworking head...just gets squashed into a little black spot, huh?

Carlton:Yeah, I was only doing it to get in good with the professor. Oh, well, I guess I'll just have to bring him some cupcakes.

Hilary:Not exactly. The second definition of throttle is, 'To strangle, choke.' Killing is the result of throttling.

Uncle Phil:Or whenever you move out of the house. Whatever comes first.

Will:Ding-dong, the cricket's dead Ashley's grounded Now you all go to bed

Ashley · Uncle Phil:The Menendez brothers will be free before I am. - The Menendez brothers got home on time.

Will:Well, the only chemistry I needed...was between me and the honey in the next seat. You know what I'm saying?

Carlton:You're not really gonna let people think you cheated?