All Guts No Glory

Will:Carlton, relax. This is the line for class registration... not the Nixon Library.

Will:Yes, I'll have what she's having.

Carlton:We were on the freeway.

Will:The same reason Eddie Murphy tries to sing, I like the challenge.

Will:Carlton, the challenge is to make your life as easy as possible.

Will:That's why God made canned meat. Spam cakes, anyone?

Geoffrey:Patchouli, sweet of you to notice.

Will:Western Pornography.

Will:Did anybody really believe Kool Moe Dee was a cowboy?

Will:The wild wild west The wild wild west / I used to live downtown

Ashley:Hilary, this is your sister, Ashley.

Ashley:Suck it up, and get on with your life!

Phil · Hilary:And you don't have to. Here. I'll even look the number up for you. Hello, Neiman's?

Hilary:Hilary immediately calling Neiman's and shopping by phone

Bookstore Worker:Okay, okay, attention Kmart shoppers. We're running out of books for Psych 157... the study of human sexuality. So for any of you slimmies who miss out... I'll be more than happy to demonstrate the contents of the book. Twice, you know.

Woman Student:You're an idiot.

Will:Hey, Sting, kick some lyrics, man.

Carlton:No, you do that all by yourself. What'd you sign up for today, Advanced Sarcasm?

Will:Have you ever heard of a little thing called Western Philosophy?

Student:Is that Spam in your teeth?

Will:I didn't have no Spam.

Bookstore Worker:Well, Hair Club For Men would be a good start.

Carlton:Nothing like that minimum-wage humor.

Carlton:You know, I'd stay and continue this battle of wits with you... but you're obviously unarmed.

Bookstore Worker:He dribbles behind his back... he's up and he shoots. Oh, and it's no good. Carlton the peacock says, 'Don't be a quitter, pick up your litter.'

Bookstore Worker · Other Students:Help me! Come on, guys, help me up. Yeah, we need a cleanup on aisle four. We got some bird droppings.

Will:Oh, yeah, that's right, it was in the dictionary next to:

Will:Nope, all clear. And... Plus, I don't have any early classes, that means we could sleep in.

Will:Just think of me as the Love Terminator.

Girl:T2, meet my boyfriend, T-Rex.

Will:Hasta la vista, baby.

Bookstore Worker:Well, not with those looks.

Will:Oh, I'm sorry, but I don't speak geek.

Will:Plan A was derailed by this refrigerator-shaped gentleman over here.

Will:I'm Will Smith. And this is an interesting coincidence.

Will:Excuse me, Professor Mansfield, it's not too late to start sucking up, is it?

Will:Thank you, Padre.

Will:No, no, no! No, wait. Call my mother! Somebody call the governor! I ain't even supposed to be in this class, man! I wanna live.

Registrar:It's the only course you're taking that actually requires staying awake.

Registrar:Yeah, and I'm sure my wife has a really good reason for cheating on me.

Registrar:My wife has seen more action than Chuck Norris.

Registrar:I got a toilet in my closet! And every day I just see my career going down it!

Registrar:Make it one of your demands... when you climb the bell tower with a rifle.

Phil:It's celery, I swear.

Phil:The incarceration of a felon always gets my juices pumping.

Phil:You should have seen me deny that man's plea bargain. I was brilliant!

Phil:Rain check? Vivian, I am not a car wash.

Phil:I'm ready for my wax job.

Professor Mansfield:I don't want anybody in here who doesn't wanna be here.

Professor Mansfield:Psych. Or should I say 'philosp.'

Will:Do you wanna know the truth? You can't handle the truth!

Will · Professor:Captain Kirk, now that's fly. No, this is The Fly: 'Help me! Help me!'

Will:They all been on Montel Williams.

Professor Mansfield:See, I can't hear you because you no longer exist.

Will:But you could shove me, though, right?

Will:Man! I should have never dropped out of his class.

Will:Is that a yes or a no?

Phil · Will:To what? A pie-eating contest? No, to having a fool as a nephew.

Will:But enough about me, Uncle Phil. Let's talk about you.

Professor:What's the matter, Will? Can't move those oranges at the off-ramp?

Will:Well, yesterday's reality isn't necessarily today's.

Professor Mansfield:You come to me, my son, asking for a favor. I'm gonna make you an offer you can't refuse.

Professor:You come to me, my son, asking for a favor. I'm gonna make you an offer you can't refuse.

Professor Mansfield:You gotta love the irony, though, huh?

Will:I mean, is it anywhere near a subway or anything like that?

Will:Okay, all right, how about if it landed on, like, a gopher or something like that? Hey, does the noise that the gopher makes count?

Will:Or what if it falls on Uncle Phil and he hurt the tree?

Will:Carlton, thank you very much, but I already have my academic... stuff in order.