I Ooh Baby Baby

Will:Hey, just let him know that the few times that I have been naughty, it was real nice.

Geoffrey:And if I said I weren't, would you leave me alone?

Hilary:Today is the happiest day of my life. Until tomorrow, when my show goes national... which will make that the new happiest day of my life. That'll make today...

Geoffrey:I get the pattern, Miss Hilary.

Hilary:Click. Heh, heh. Look, I'm on.

Will · Hilary:A bunch of pregnant women. - Great, I'll look thin. Not that I don't, anyway.

Hilary:But beware, in that last trimester, stripes are not our friends.

Uncle Phil:Werner, if you don't stop dancing, I'm about to get seasick.

Hilary:They like me. They really like me.

Pregnant woman:My water broke.

Will:Now, this is just like on ER, y'all. All right, so just chill. Everybody, just relax.

Real doctor:Can somebody get this clown out of here?

Will · Hilary:Whoa. What a coincidence, Hil, this is the happiest day of your life too. Your show just went national. - I know. Don't I look happy?

Will:Hey, you know what? Right after you wash that.

Will:Hey, you know, it's the perfect size for, like, I don't know... a THX, Dolby Pro Logic, surround-sound subwoofer.

Ashley · Carlton:It makes it look cheesy... and I won't have it on my tree. - Oh, your tree?

Will:Let a brother get a finger full.

Geoffrey · Someone:I just can't seem to get this bowl to stand still. - It might help if you put down the eggnog.

Hilary:Sure, I have an effervescent personality... and a smile that could blind you from across the room... but I just feel so blah.

Granny:Oh, I'm sorry, were you saying something, honey? You've gotta talk into my good ear.

Werner:Phoenix, Phoenix - This is the Hilary Show Phoenix, Phoenix

Will:Something in between what you did and whatever it was that he just did.

Will:Hil, couldn't you have said this with flowers?

Will:Oh, yeah. Well, you know, bald head, pudgy. If he had a beard, he'd look just like my Uncle Phil.

Will:Whoa. Hey, dude. Hold up. He tripping. He tripping.

Will:Uncle Phil's hand.

Will:Oh. Remember, doc, no mouth-to-mouth on the first date, huh?

Will:Oh, it's like a hotel. They expect you to take this stuff.

Will:You know, a cow would be happy to be in your kitchen.

Uncle Phil:Now, that would be bigger than the roast.

Uncle Phil · Geoffrey:Geoffrey, get the Scotch. - It's gone, sir. - What? - You've said my attitude has improved lately. - How could this happen? - It's the pressure, sir.

Will:I think Aunt Viv must've dropped the ball on that little girl-girl talk.

Uncle Phil:Scotch is a pick-me-up. Damn that, Geoffrey.

Will:Hi, Grandma?

Hilary:What have you got in a hunk?

Hilary:You wouldn't happen to have this month's, would you?

Hilary:Ugh! I don't think so.

Hilary:Ugh! I don't think so.

Will · Worker:Hey, yo. Thanks a lot, man. - Glad I could be of service.

Will · Hilary:Oh, what'd you expect? Well, you know, after today, I kind of thought you... Oh. That was just a little setback. I'm a trouper.

Hilary:Well, I just hope my baby's a super-duper trouper too.

Will:Come back to deliver another baby, huh? What, you get a commission on them?

Will:Come back to deliver another baby, huh? What, you get a commission on them?

Hilary:So any mental illness in your family? Schizophrenia? Anorexia? You know, general weirdness?

Hilary:So back to you. Any heart disease? Gingivitis? Midgets?... Any relatives in the circus?

Hilary · Doctor:Any relatives in the circus? - Uh, not that I know of. I mean... I did have an uncle who was a clown. - Ew. Duly noted.

Hilary:Wait, wasn't I the one asking all the questions?

Will:Imagine that, if you ain't had no kids. It'd just be you, Aunt Viv and me all by ourselves in this big house. Party, you know.

Will:Hey, look, Uncle Phil, I just want you to know I got your back. All right? Anything jump off, all you got to do is holler.

Uncle Phil:You know, it used to be so easy. You'd cry, I'd buy you a bracelet. You cried louder, maybe some earrings. I miss those days.

Ashley:Oh, please. Your side looks like someone threw up on a snowman.

Ashley:Your side? Please. I've seen better looking trees hanging from rearview mirrors.

Will:Yeah. I mean, you might've laid the flock on a little thick... but other than that, it's very busy.

Will:I'm just kind of getting the hang of this parenting thing here, know what I mean?

Uncle Phil:You call that dusting, Geoffrey? Give me that. I'll do it myself.

Geoffrey:God bless us, everyone.