Not With My Cousin You Dont

Derek:I lost my head.

Ashley:Derek, you'll get in. You're too smart. I wish you were dumber.

Ashley:I'd have a boyfriend again.

Will:Aw!

Will:Look at you two. Almost a year apart and you two lovebirds haven't missed a beat.

Will:Although, these are the moments of your life.

Will:Oh, no, no, you're right. You guys are grown adults and I don't have no business disrespecting you like this.

Will:Uh-uh-uh.

Ashley:Together?

Carlton:Yuck it up, Brit boy, but remember, he who laughs last...

Carlton:Laughs best.

Geoffrey:You know, I kind of remember him being taller.

Will:Really? I don't.

Carlton:I'm gonna let that one slide, young man. Obviously, you've fallen in with a bad element.

Will:Me and my man, we call it the Hive. Because the honeys be swarming.

Will:That's disgusting. No. Actually, Carlton, that's a kiss. If you're lucky, one day you'll experience one.

Carlton:Very funny. By the way, Will, I just got a call from Oz...the Wizard said your brain is ready.

Will:Really? Let me help you.

Carlton · Will:I never liked the cut of that boy's jib. I'm not sure you should be admitting you've been looking at that boy's jib.

Philip · Ashley:Makeup? Keep away from that blue eye shadow.

Hilary:Uh-oh. Big-sister radar.

Hilary:It's important, isn't it? I can tell. I have, like, a third sense about these things.

Hilary:Oh! To put it simply, he was a god. He had been held back three years so he was really buff.

Hilary:But long-distance relationships don't usually work out. I mean, look at the Little Mermaid.

Hilary:I mean, she was stuck in the sea and he was stuck on land.

Ashley · Hilary:Any regrets? Didn't I tell you he was buff? Hello.

Hilary:Hoo! Now I know how Mom felt when we had this talk.

Ashley · Hilary:What did Daddy say when you told him? Are you kidding? He still thinks I'm a virgin.

Ashley · Keesha:Okay, what do you think? Nope.

Ashley:Well, if you guys don't pick one, I'll be going on this date wearing a headband.

Keesha:I'm sure Derek wouldn't mind.

Keesha · Ashley:When? If.

Will:Oh, there's a surprise.

Geoffrey:I wonder how I'd look if I shaved my entire body.

Ashley:Keesha, it's not 'doing it.' It's making love. And, yes, I think we're gonna do it tonight.

Carlton:Oh, my God. What are we gonna do?

Carlton:We'll make her watch movies. Lots of movies. Doris Day movies. Now, there's a good wholesome role model.

Will:Que sera sera, whatever will be, will be

Will:Wait a minute. 'Whatever will be, will be'? What kind of devil-may-care message is that?

Will:The slut.

Will · Carlton:Look, you need to calm down, all right? Look, we need to find a Yellow Pages. I'm calling a nunnery. It's late, so I'll need a 24-hour one.

Will · Carlton:Carlton, man, we ain't even Catholic. Oh! Would you have an open mind?

Carlton:This is all your fault. 'Ashley could never say no to you.' I told you I didn't like the cut of his jib.

Carlton:Need I remind you there are demons out there that go by the name of: Sexually transmitted diseases, risk of pregnancy...improper use of a condom?

Carlton:Thank God you're alive.

Carlton · Derek:So, Derek, you know about football? Yeah. Yeah, you do? Or, yeah, you don't?

Will:You're in a visitor's ballpark and if you do score...the angry fans might not be able to be held responsible for their actions. And it's bat night.

Derek:All right, are you two in trouble with a bookie or something?

Carlton:You're playing chess, your rook has been blindsided by the queen's gambit. You can play honorably, leave your bishop at home but protect your queen's virtue...or you can take the sleazy road and castle your king and go right for the mate. And it's bat night.

Carlton:Do I make myself clear?

Will:Ashley, now spying, that's such an ugly word. We were roaming.

Ashley:You know, I would expect this from Carlton...but not you.

Carlton:Uh...

Derek:Are you? Sure. Uh...I guess.

Derek · Ashley:So, heh, what do you wanna do now? I don't know. Miniature golf? Let's do it. Golf.

Ashley · Will:Back off, Will. You telling me to back off, girl? Hold up. Now, this is me.

Ashley · Will:You remember the first time I asked you about sex? You panicked then too. I did not. Yes, you did. You said that you needed to have a license to have sex...and that I couldn't even take the test until I was 35.

Will:That's true.

Carlton:That was so beautiful.