Dinner Party

Everybody, I just got off the horn with corporate, and basically I told them where they could stick their overtime assignment.

Michael has asked Pam and me to dinner at least nine times. And every time, we've been able to get out of it. But I've got to give him credit. He got me. Because I'm starting to suspect that there was no assignment from corporate.

Does it bother me that I wasn't invited to Michael's dinner party? [long pause with no answer]

The subtitle system comically glitching out, slowly typing 'Transcript: SwSub Synchro: DarKsh' character by character

Let's see, since I saw you an hour ago? I have been getting ready, and then driving over here.

This will be great to cook with... really.

So you have an office and a work space. / I do, you know. I just... I cannot create in the same space that I conduct business. I'm sure that you're the same with your odles.

Bond! Men love this one. James bond fire! I am Bond fire... James Bond fire. Michael Scott!

When I get frustrated, or irritated or... angry, I come up here and I just smell all my candles! And it just goes away. Just like that.

And these walls, they used to be, like white, like an asylum. So I wanted it to be softer so I had it painted in eggshell white. Guess what. White and eggshell white are exactly the same color.

What a cute bench. / Thanks. That's my bed.

Jan has, uh, some space issues, so I curl up on that puppy.

I finally broke down and bought myself a plasma TV.

Sometimes, I will just stand here and watch television for hours. I love it. I love this TV.

What is that, chestnut? / No, it's either pine of nordic cherry. / It's pine.

Yeah, he tried to set up my Tivo for me, but then I didn't have audio for a week.

They was between... the neon bier sign and the dundies. So I said, 'Honey, keep the trophies.'

What's up, Tuna? We gonna have some tuna for dinner? I bet you're sick of tuna. You've probably tuna every night.

You know, Pam, in Spain, they often don't even start eating until midnight. / When in Rome.

Kinda sorta an oaky afterbirth.

You took me by the hand / Made me a man / That one night / You made everything all right

You know what? Hunter was a terrible assistant. That's why Ryan fired him. / He's probably just as reliable as Pam, because it usually takes you an afternoon to get back to me.

I don't care what they say about me. I just want to eat. Which I realize is a lot to ask for. At a dinner party.

Michael and Jan seem to be playing their own separate game. And it's called, 'Let's see how uncomfortable we can make our guests.' And they're both winning.

You don't need two of you to do that. / That's true...

You can buy new stuff, but you can't buy a new party.

Rhymes with Parnold Schporzenegger. / No rhyming!

God! Does anybody read the paper?!

It's actually a really cute story. Do you wanna tell it, babe or should I tell it? / I don't like that story, babe. / Come on! It's a cute stor... Michael ran through the sliding glass door because he thought he heard the ice cream truck.

I mean, I like ice cream, okay? Sue me. / Oh, no, don't. I shouldn't say that jokingly because she will sue me. She loves to sue. She loves lawsuits.

You are so right. You are so right! Because before I lived here, the glass was always covered in smudges. And I moved in and I cleaned it, so I guess that makes me the devil.

You are! She is! She is the devil! I'm in hell! I'm burning. Help me.

You should see our bathroom after Michael takes a bath. / But I don't need to tell you, Pam.

I have never, ever dated or wanted to do anything resembling dating Michael, ever. Not ever, not now, not then, not now, not ever, ever.

Did you know that candles are the number one fastest-growing product in the scent aroma market? $2 billion a year industry. And for only $10,000, you could become a co-owner of 'Serenity by Jan.'

Thought about it. I'm in.

Dwight brought glasses and a person.

Snip, snap! Snip, snap! Snip, snap! I did! You have no idea the physical toll that three vasectomies have on a person!

And I bought this condo to fill with children. / I am so sorry that I don't want to bring kids into this screwed-up world. / If you want to have kids, then fine, you win. Let's have a fuckin' kid!

I hate my life.

The thought of popping one of your beets into my mouth makes me want to vomit.

I can't prove it, but I think she might be trying to poison me.

I know Jan didn't poison the food. I know that. But if she was going to poison the food of someone at that table, wouldn't it be me? Michael's former lover.

You know I have soft teeth. How could you say that?

I was his babysitter. / And now you guys are dating? / It's purely carnal, that's all you need to know.

At least he's an artist. / B.F.D., I'm a screenwriter. And I'm a candle maker, but you don't hear me bragging about it! / No, all you do is you get me to try to work on my rich friends.

Man, I would love to burn your candles! / You burn it, you buy it! / Oh, good, I'll be your first customer! / You're hardly my first. / That's what she said!

That is a $200 plasma screen TV that you just killed! Good luck paying me back on your zero dollars a year salary plus benefits, babe!

My girlfriend threw a dundie at my TV. A plasma.

I stole this. For you, babe.