Broke

It's 4:30 in the morning. Do you know where your kids are? If you are Ryan's parents or Pam's parents or my parents, you do. They're gonna be in this van. With me. Who am I? Nothing to fear. I am just a 44-year-old guy with a paper route.

Time to make the donuts!

Come on. No, I promise I won't do it again. Come on.

De-nied!

Ever since I've gotten clean, there's something about fresh morning air... that just really makes me sick.

Time to make the donuts!

Boner patrol! Arrest that man! Your donuts make me go nuts!

We got the van at a used car lot. We think it says 'Alleluia Church of Scranton' in Korean. It was either this or an old school bus with an owl living in it.

You didn't happen to bring any coffee, did you, Michael? - Milk and sugar. - Awesome. You're a life saver.

Wait, is this just milk and sugar? - That's what I said. Do you drink this every day? Every morning.

We have 20... Excuse me. Sorry. Sorry, no. It's... It's a paper company now. It's not for the church.

Shame, Jim. I expected more.

Hey, boss. I'd just like to point out that I have been here less time than these guys. - Why are you telling me this?

I just think the bar should be lower for a newbie. Is this something you really want to have said?

I don't want to have said that. But I think it's important that you know it.

Been there, done that.

You know what we need? We need some couches. We should really consider getting a delivery guy. You know what you would love? It's if we built a loft.

Why would I love that? - Can we afford a delivery guy? - Like in a dorm room. You put your desk underneath, you have your loft up top. You can sleep up top. - I know what a loft is. - Most dorm rooms don't even have that. - Most do in the magazines.

I feel like I should be thanking you.

Maybe, and I don't know, if you had just returned Michael's call, none of us would've lost clients.

Come along, afterthought.

A lame attempt at humor. Swing and a miss.

Why don't you explain what that is... So they can under... - Explain what that is. - Explain what you think that is. - Just explain.

Ty, I would like you to crunch those numbers again. - It's a program. There's no such... - Just crunch 'em, please. Crunch. Did it help?

When a child gets behind the wheel of a car and runs into a tree, you don't blame the child. He didn't know any better. You blame the 30-year-old woman who got in the passenger seat and said, 'Drive, kid. I trust you'.

Really? Does he do good work or... - No, Jim. I use a bad apiarist.

Idiot. Idiot. Idiot. - My new 'Dwight' ring. - I like it. Good, right? Idiot, we're starting back up.

Did I ever tell you about the day that Steve Martin died? - Steve Martin's not dead. - I know. But I always thought that the day that he died would be the worst day of my life. And I was wrong. It's this.

I applied to Old Navy, Target and Wal-Mart. None of 'em called me back. Not even for an interview.

I never went to Thailand. Really? I went to Fort Lauderdale. Was it nice? Yeah, it was amazing. There was a great pad thai place, though. I love pad thai. You never had pad thai.

We kidnap the queen, extract her alarm pheromones, place them on a flushable wipe, put that in his bathroom.

Oh, man! If only Michael had children. That's how you really apply the pressure. - What is wrong with you?

Seriously? - Are you being serious? - He's bluffing. What you don't understand is that this company's worthl... We don't have...

We're not only tight-ends, we are also quarterbacks. - Missed the last part. - That's a pun. Got it.

I'm really worried I'm gonna say it.

How the turntables...

Are you kidding me? That is insultingly low. I don't even want to hear what your first offer was. What do you hear?

Jerry, the one who got away.

May I ask why you're leaving the Michael Scott Paper Company? Really?

You don't crack a case. It has a pejorative connotation. Like calling a policeman a cop. You solve a case, and yes, I've solved plenty.

One. Case of the beet bandit. Missing beets from all over the farm. No footprints. Inside job. Mose in socks. Case closed.

You two are morons. Got it. Get out.

How could you do this to me? You just cost me $60,000.

Wouldn't you rather have a fishing pole than a fish? I would rather have $60,000, honestly.

I want my old job back. I want my old parking space back. I want a Sebring. They don't make them anymore.

You know, David? I don't care if Ryan murdered his entire family. He is like a son to me.

Our company is worth nothing. That's the difference between you and I. Business isn't about money to me, David. If tomorrow my company goes under, I will just start another paper company. And then another and another and another. I have no shortage of company names.

That's one of 'em!

Our balls are in your court.

The day he is born. The day he grows hair. The day he starts a business. And the day he sells that business back to Dunder Mifflin.