Shareholder Meeting

You cannot go wrong with a throat punch.

Last time, you pulled my pants down, and then you tried to choke me with my shoelace.

False. I did choke you with your shoelace.

I think the most worthy opponent of you is you.

Dwight fighting himself with elaborate self-narration

Oh, my god, he's making you look like such a fool.

You two are so evenly matched, I don't know how one of you's gonna get the upper hand.

I get like eight emails a day.

Your feelings journal? You told me to put it in the time capsule.

It's $1.99 to finish the article.

You can all have jobs at Schrute Farms... as human scarecrows.

It doesn't pay much and you can't unionize.

I'll catch you on the flippity-flip.

No, just poopin'. You know how I be.

Crazy world, lotta smells.

It is time for the nard-dog to take matters into his own paws.

Monkey pee all over you.

There has been a murder!

There's been a murder... in Savannah.

Operation got me through my vasectomy, i.e. my operation.

Tube city. You owe me one.

Jim's talking head about stopping Tube City

If you talk slowly in real life, your character could, say, have been kicked in the head by a horse.

Cool. I'll try it.

Nellie's brother.

Oh! I make them feel beautiful.

You don't have to keep saying 'I do declare.' Anytime you say something it means you're declaring.

Delta Burke, I do declare.

That's clever. Debutante.

You got this kind of like Florida panhandle thing goin', whereas what you really want is more of a Savannah accent, which is more like molasses, just sort of spillin' out of your mouth.

Oh, now do the Swedish Chef.

He lives on Sesame Street, dumbass.

Sir, there has been a murder, and you are a suspect.

It's not my fault. I was exposed to Harry Potter.

It's never the person you most suspect. It's also never the person you least suspect, since anyone with half a brain would suspect them the most.

Therefore, I know the killer to be Phyllis, a.k.a. Beatrix Bourbon, the person I most medium suspect.

Well, you know old Nellie is always up for a romp in the hay.

I'm a little worried I might have asked out Naughty Nellie and not Erin.

This plantation, we're runnin' low on, uh, greenbacks, and we're havin' problems payin' the people who give us the seeds and the dirt.

That is a mis-- that's a misdirection.

Of course, Nathaniel.

Savannah? That's a far way from Scranton.

I thought it was for real... So I was excited, but it was just-- it was part of the game.

I think Michael may have snapped. Or maybe he's just stuck in character.

Both. They're both worse.

I'm the dead body, and these are my brain chunks.

Let us have this stupid little game, all right?

We fully expect to be out of money by the end of the year-- insolvent.

There has been another murder.

Jim's talking head about co-managing and the lifeboat analogy

Today is the hardest I have worked in a long, long time.

Andy revealed himself to be a double agent, at which point, Dwight felt comfortable revealing that he also was a double agent, and then, Michael announced to everybody that, get this, he was a double agent.

Get the keys out of my purse, start the car.