The Delivery (2)

She's 10 inches dilated now. Sorry, meters... Centimeters.

But no baby yet. It's only been six... Nineteen hours.

No, don't push. Pull! Pull!

Gotta go wash my eyes.

That kid's gonna have a lot of hair.

Have you guys seen her? She hasn't popped yet. What? Damn it! She was supposed to come out yesterday.

I decided to give Baby Halpert the newspaper from the day she was born. This frame set me back 55 bones. But she decided to take her sweet time, so now I have to switch it with today's paper.

I have an ice cream cake in the car. Oh, my God! Go! Go! Go! Are you insane?

Yeah, that's right. It's a baby, see?

Sir, you can't smoke that in here. Can't smoke anywhere these days.

No, let's let her rest. I'm sure there are still 12 of each.

Eleven pounds, four... She's seven pounds, two ounces, 18 inches. Seven pounds.

There is nothing I cannot diaper. Go ahead. Try to think of something. I dare you.

Love you. Love you as a friend.

Again. No pants.

That's so weird. She was saying it just before you got here.

I searched everywhere, but I didn't find it. What I did find was mold, and lots of it.

I also made plans to ask Jim where he bought his marvelous sheets.

The odds of them getting together were insurmountainable.

I made a family. I got these two together and I made a family. This man has a gift.

Okay, show of hands. Who wants to live in a world where Stanley has two lovers and you don't have any?

Plus-size models, maybe.

Torn scrotum. Still on the mend, so... Not good timing.

Yes, I'm gonna ask out Erin. I'm just waiting for the stars to align. Literally. I have a small skylight in my bedroom, and I'd like for the moon to be visible.

I am going to fill that empty hole in your body with another person.

I can't. She's too strong.

Do you want to try it, Jim? Mmm-mmm. I think you're good. Doing a good job.

Yeah, maybe it'll be good 'cause then she can, like, socialize with the other babies.

You got to let the cookies cool before you pop them in your mouth.

Kevin has an enormous heart. Literally, he has an elephant heart. He had a transplant when he was 17. Had some problems... Really? No. Kevin doesn't have an elephant heart, but he is very sensitive,

Nice. She touched my shoulder.

Wow, she just shoves the nipple right in there.

Why was I hiding behind the plant? Well, in college I took a botany class, and there was lots of drama in that class. Uh... Kids would gossip about me, so I would eavesdrop on them by hiding behind different plants in the botany class.

And then I would jump out at them and confront them and be like, 'You think all I do is hide behind plants and spy on people? Busted.'

Got milk?

Nothing left to do except dot the I's, the J's and the umlauts.

Why don't you meet me here at exactly mid-late afternoon?

Oh! We're doing it. That's great. We're really parents now.

Look, Kevin, do you really think that you could have dated Erin? You said she liked me. Okay, even if someone told you that, you should know that that could never be possible, Kevin.

I've done better than Erin. No, you haven't. Lynn was way hotter than Erin, Michael. Lynn was as hot as Erin.

Wrong baby. What? Wrong baby. This is not our baby!

Newsflash, the whole thing needs to go in the car.

Are they, now? How some people spend their money, right?

The fax says, 'Erin, will you have dinner with me? From, Andy.' And the number is our office fax number.

You can't talk to me like that. I didn't do anything wrong.

Five tickets on the windshield.

I think I'm going to be sick.

I couldn't find your iPod. Give me a couple days. Be out of your hair.