The Meeting

It is a colonoscopy.

In your experience, what should I be expecting in terms of sensation... or emotions?

Is there anything I can do to make it more pleasurable for me or for Dr. Chaudry?

My main concern is should I have a safe word?

Oscar's stunned silence and obvious discomfort

I have so much work, I'm gonna blow my brains out.

Because we are the Three Amigos. And once in a while, one of the amigos will go off to the bathroom while the other two have a secret meeting.

If you're lying to me right now, your baby is gonna come out a liar. That's how it works. They inherit things through the breast milk.

Please don't talk about my breast milk.

Really? I'm sorry. I thought this was a free country. I didn't know we were in communist Sweden.

If we were, I wouldn't have to worry, 'cause we'd have universal health care.

From who, Dr. J?

Y'all having birthday cake? - That's not a very good Darryl.

I'll punch you into mush, see?

Yes, I do. No, I don't. Yes, I do. No, I don't. Catch you on the flippity-flop.

Had to come in on a Saturday... to retrieve... I left my cell phone here.

So jealous of your boobs.

Which is why we're having it in Niagara Falls.

That came out wrong.

I'm in this weird, flirty, nebulous thing with this cousin of mine. And it's a total mind f'er.

Hey, Andy, let's go visit grandma and then get drunk together.

You know when they say it's so crazy it just might work? I don't believe that. I say go for the airtight plan.

It is just... elegant.

From the Wisconsin region, a nice, firm cheddar. Also from the great city of Wisconsin, an aged parmesan.

It's a lot of fun to let the goldfish take a little swim in the blue cheese.

That's a GE. The P40 is much higher pitched.

I'm rebuilding a turn-of-the-century steam engine in my slaughterhouse.

It's just a slaughterhouse, but, sure, any time.

Get the camera. Start taping. Drive! Worker's comp my ass!

You gonna eat all that dog food yourself?

I once had a glass of cognac that cost $77, so...

Jim is like... Big Bird. He is tall and yellow and very nice.

Big Bird doesn't make the tough decisions. If I was going to put someone in charge, I would put Bert in charge. Or I would put one of the real grown-ups, like Maria. Or Gordon, maybe.

Constant office distraction. Spends way too much time at reception. Antagonizes other salesmen. Not at all what he thinks he is.

I'd have to talk to my mother and my guy at H&R block.

Example: he handed out jell-o shots at the 23rd mile of the Steamtown Marathon.

Did you know that Lincoln's secretary was named Kennedy?

I should have known that he can do just as much damage in the dark.

Why would you think a lady is me?

Because you look exactly alike.

Toby Flenderson is doing drugs.

I'm getting pulled over for talking on my cell. Damn it.

Then why is there new wood only on one railing?

I'm telling them you sexually harassed my sister.

No judges gonna believe that.

It would make me feel really good if you would punch me in the face.

That's what she said.

Co-manager of what? - Of your butt! And your butt, and your butt... All of Scranton branch butts.

I'll just have whatever's fanciest, unless there's ribs, I'll get the other information the day of. I'll text you.

You're going to text me the morning of my wedding to ask for directions?