New Leads

Look at him, t-shirt, jeans. - Is it you? - I am flattered.

That's johnny depp. I read in people magazine that he was looking for a two-bedroom condo in scranton.

Where do I find the black pearl? Captain jack sparrow. John dillinger. No. I'm captain jack sparrow. Captain crunch.

Remember how you felt when you thought you'd seen roger clemens? At the yankees game. - Yeah. Well, it wasn't him.

It also explains why the name on his mailbox was m. Shulman.

M. Night shulman?

The lost and found has gone missing. It itself is lost.

You couldn't handle my undivided attention.

Make friends first, make sales second, make love third... in no particular order.

Including the car phone!

Salesman is king. As the best salesman, I am king of kings. Oh, you say jesus is king of kings? Well, what does that say to you about how I think of myself?

Honey, if I don't have time to answer an email, I definitely don't have time to walk over to your desk.

Wow wowie wowie.

Stop sexting pam.

You writing your memoirs over there? You writing your name over there?

There's other pencils in this office. Gimme--I--

Honey and jelly sandwich time.

Didn't have to see. It was sales--I can feel it.

The sales department smashed my sandwich. Yes. All of 'em. Together. It's a conspiracy.

That's what she said. - Yeah. - Yeah.

Hand 'em over, numb nuts. But seriously, I mean, it's your job to give us those leads.

Not even sabre owns this place. It's a rental.

I am sick of your uppity attitude...Jim.

Just imagine that instead of going to jail for murdering someone, you got an ice cream cone. If that were the case, then in the summertime, everyone would go around killing people for the pleasure of an ice cream cone.

Michael, I don't want to 'incentivize' murder.

So I am going to give the leads to...King creed. And to king...Meredith! They aren't sales people. And to king angela. Because today we are all kings. And queens.

Oh, right. Those are clues. And within each clue is a lesson. You learn a lesson, and then you find a lead.

I'm trying to make your kids respect you. Because a father needs to respect his boss, and kids don't respect the father who doesn't respect the boss. Do you understand that line of logic? I don't even think you understand it.

This one's a map. Or is it?

Oh, how the tables have turned.

And when you're done, you can watch me shred them.

I want to watch the kardashians, okay? I don't want to watch- it's mindless! The kardashians is a good show. - Thank you, stanley! - No, you don't even know! How would he even know the kardashians?

When arrogant salesmen are mean to my face, a certain manager will go to his moppy place. He means his mopey place. It's under that street lamp that he thinks was in casablanca.

God, I love you. Today I turned an office crisis into a teachable moment. A lesser manager would have screwed this day up royally.

Yeah. I basically wish you were dead.

Colder. Cold...Er. Warmer. Colder. Colder. C-- Warmer. Warmer... Hot! Hotter... Burning hot! Lower... Are you-- lower... Are you sure? Low...Er...

What are you doing, idiot? Michael's stupid scavenger hunt. Scavenger hunt? Here. I can solve it. Give it. The prankster is getting pranked. Ha ha.

The treasure you seek is in the parking lot under the first president? Lincoln.

Go to the man who never breeds. kevin.

You are never going to find them. - Really? - I'm going to enjoy this. Gimme the leads! Where are the leads? Gimme the leads! I'm still enjoying it!

They're in the trash. the trash. It's code. All right, meredith. Take off your dress. Okey-dokey. No. Dear god, no. It's in the trash can.

It's coming off either way.

I emptied it in the dumpster. It had toby's baba ganoush. If we don't patronize the only syrian restaurant in town, there'll be nothing left but pan pizzas and, you know... make your own salads.

Tonight is ghost whisperer... So Friday.

Hi, you know those very valuable, expensive leads that you gave us earlier today? Well, because of a screw-up by a staff member, they're now in the city dump. Not your staff, michael. You.

Then we'll all go out and get pizza, maybe catch a movie, late-night drink. Some more pizza, call it a night. Does it have to be pizza? Can we go for a falafel?

You were complicit. Complicit. You were all 'successories.'

There was a time you'd be pinching yourself to have the opportunity to look through a dump with me. Yeah, well, the acorn becomes the oak. Yeah. Well, sometimes the acorn just stays an acorn.

If you don't believe me, look in my gutters.

Don't use your cute baby to make us like you. She's wearing a onesie. stop it.

A lot of their work can be done from india.

You've changed, man. Oh, why, 'cause I have a shot at a 100k commission? When do you care about money? When I first met you, you were a wide-eyed innocent. Hey, there is nothing I can do about my wide-set eyes.

I would be number two right now at a home depot! 'cause they promote from within! I hitched my wagon to a horse with no legs.

I should have been out at bars finding my soul mate, finding my wife, making babies. Nice babies you're making with the floozies at the bars! That's my wife you're talking about, man! Your made-up wife who doesn't exist?

You just made an enemy with the wrong guy, boy.

That's my spool!

Erin just texted me back. 'people love shells from faraway beaches.'

No other animal on earth could do this. Maybe beavers... But not like this.

We get it-- you eat like royalty. No, no. This is a representation of how we feel. And how we feel is really sorry.

2% milk! What I forgot for the coffee. Yeah, treats, stanley. They've accepted our simple offer of treats only, nothing more.

Purple much? - Yeah, she does. She loves purple.

Just this whole dump, and in the middle, one flower. - Mm-hmm. - That's it. And the caption would read... Hope... Grows... In a dump.

We have an awesome beanbag chair that's perfect for the break room. Eech! I'm never gonna sit on that disgusting seat. Yeah, damn right, you're not, 'cause it's for me and michael only!

You're the nicest person I've ever met.