Tallahassee

giving everyone 20 minutes to shower, plus 50 for Jim to style his hair, 20 for breakfast, 40 for Erin to get post between her room and the lobby, 90 for Ryan to do his morning ecstasy

I was reading the mattress tag and I fell asleep

Stanley! Wake up You've got to wake up The hotel's on fire! Stanley, wake up It's pretzel day

But no kids, so I honestly didn't know what to do with myself. And then I thought of something. Uh Here is Dwight What the

at the Alcohol Club

When I first met Pam she said something that slightly rubbed me the wrong way Since then I've loved working with Pam and she's frankly wonderful but I hate her

I'll have a bottle of the antacid Also I want to get a souvenir for my son but his mother doesn't acknowledge my paternity. Do you have anything for that? Also I want it to have a Florida feel What does he like? Power

Okay, Twiggy, that's enough Get in the car

Who says none of us are diarrheal?

And then I thought of it I'll poison you What are you going to do? Are you going to steal my newspaper or put a cricket in my cereal or something? I'm gonna set your face on fire. That's a good one

Whoa. Stanley, did you just come back from burning down a rival night club?

You're a nice guy, Jim but you have no idea how to vacation

It's so peaceful, I've already written 12 plays today

It's so quiet, one might say you could hear a pin... would be cooler

Got it Can we see that? Did you really find it? Yes. Right here. Got it. Dink. Ow

Well, you used to be Well, I'm not the receptionist I know but I can't cover reception I have a ton of work to do

Life is short. Drive fast leave a sexy corpse. That's one of my mottos

Still queer? You can't put me down Too strong

You see, this cat's got nine lives and a nine-inch

Expected a man, did you? Strong, powerful huge whopping penis? Well, sorry to disappoint But my huge whopping penis is right here and I'm not afraid to use it So stop looking at my breasts and start looking at my penis

I went on a shopping spree Very destructive, I bought 1/ pianos

What is the antidote? True love's kiss

Right, Dwight. Right, Dwight. Right, Dwight Sorry. Now you'll never be able to get that out of your head

Yeah, it's tender, but it can't be appendicitis. I eat more than enough bacon

Send it to the freaking moon, idiot

Did you say 'masturbator'? I'm a decent baiter. My cousin, Mose, that's a master baiter

It's just rum I'm not bored. I'm a pirate Is that another motto? It's whatever you want

I've spent so much of my life telling myself, 'Please, don't end up like Stanley.' And now I'm wondering if I even have what it takes

Dude, don't you yak on me This shirt is Van Heusen

Oh! Who called it? Nothing but net

Philip, if you're hearing this memo that can only mean one thing, I am dead You are the rightful heir to Schrute Farms. Please, you must do one thing Kill Mose before he kills you

Look at these little mini pizzas. Does this make me look huge? Hey, guys look at me, I'm huge

I'm acting like I like Reception, and I'm a really good actor so people are actually buying that p actually like Reception. But I mean, seriously, Reception sucks

Ryan switched his name tag to his pants so now it's like if you wear yours on your shirt you're a total dip But if you switch you're a copycat But I think I figured out a solution

Dwight, will you go back to the hospital? You were there for like three hours. I got the surgery. What else is there to do? Do 100 jumping jacks No. I don't feel like it. You do 100 jumping jacks

You're too slow. You're too small. Seabiscuit is a stupid name You guys sound just like the enemies of Seabiscuit

The only thing you need to know about retail consumer habits is that consumers are mindless lemmings They just want to be told what to do Fast-forward to today and the retail consumer is independent well-informed, super smart Super smart

The menstrual cycle determines every choice a woman makes. You see, during ovulation a woman's only goal is to get pregnant. During menses she is sad that she has failed. And how does the woman console herself? Shopping. Shopping

Mail call His name is Oscar, and he's got some mail And he better open it or go to jail, 'cause it's your taxes His name is Kevin, and no mail for him But he got a coupon for some frozen yogurt

What are the Three Pillars of Retail? Convenience Ingredients. Service Burgers. Building loyalty Killing royalty

A passionate night with Hugh Grant's brother John Grant He's older than Hugh just a little bit uglier. How did I pull that off? Sheer force of will

You are bleeding through your shirt Oops That's embarrassing Egg on my face

But when the sun came up I knew it wasn't real because she was ugly and I had grown tired of her Reception today but tomorrow you won't want to do her She's a dog

already replaced it with muscle. Can I see the wound? Oh, that's disgusting That's barely healed. You're not paying me to heal You're paying me to kick ass

A few hours ago, your body was open like a cabinet

You tell her Donna Moraski misses her

What's under the cloth? We'll get to that Cookies. I bet you anything it's cookies It's cookies Let me finish my speech first Oh, we get the gist It's just success and effort, isn't it? So just don't be coy. Make with the cookies

Is it oatmeal with no raisins? I'm sorry to have wasted your time That's okay Thank you very much