Get The Girl

I guess it doesn't look that cool either.

I just remember pushing aside my silky bangs to say, 'Look, a balloon.'

My Warcraft clan was still on speaking terms. My kid didn't have a face tattoo.

What brings you to town? Certainly not the Harry Houdini Museum. What a nobody. Look, some Hungarian just found their way out of a sack. Let's build a shrine.

Welcome. I'm Tony. What? I said, I'm Tony. Okay, I made a mistake. I thought it might go unnoticed. But I'm Toby.

I have one simple philosophy in business: If the seat is open, the job is open. It's how I came to briefly race a formula one car.

The three slowest laps ever recorded.

Look at this place! Five rooms, and I get to clean them all. That's right, I'm a maid for an old lady. Her grandson's staying with us too, because he ran out of money. Listen to me, bragging away.

Because it is 10:00, I've been in this chair for an hour, and no other manager has come and sat in my lap.

Florida flu.

My heart is my map. Turns out Tallahassee is about 200 miles inland, so I overshot a good amount. But still, not bad for a heart map, right?

Thanks a lot, B.P.

Sometimes the flowers arrange themselves, Jim.

Maybe it's because he's not that handsome.

I think it's a cross between 'Dumbo' and 'Jumbo'. With a hint of 'chubby.'

Kevin ate someone's lunch, Phyllis has a new necklace.

Hot tub party?

I've been reusing the hot dog water so it gets more flavor. It's going to keep getting better.

I just have to cross a few 'T's and dot a few 'I's.

You didn't even stop to pee? Gross.

You really wouldn't feel those results after one session.

Proctology.

I got the serious poops.

The way Pam trusted you to provide for her so she wouldn't have to work?

I wouldn't let her manage a celery farm. Those who can't farm farm celery.

You are our Atlas, and for that, do you not think you deserve a raise?

Money isn't real ever since we got off the gold standard.

Would you prefer a nature metaphor or a sexual metaphor?

When two animals are having sex, one of them... Is communicating a message to the other. Nothing is mutua... this isn't very helpful. You're going to want to hear the sexual metaphor. Was that not the... All life is sex. And all sex is competition.

In the end, doesn't he decide who the manager is?

This office is mine now. Sorry, too late. I'm here. This is mine. Back off.

Touch me and I'll sue.

If I had my own fountain, it would be two frogs that are spitting into each other's mouth. It's just stupid.

I'm so sorry that we have not loved each other at the same time.

Dreamt I could breathe underwater like Jacques Cousteau.

I think you're a witch. I think you're amazing.

He got his foreskin caught in some lawn furniture.

I'm Tinkerbell. I'm a magical fairy who floated into your office to bring a little bit of magic into your lives, to give you all raises.

Come on, Jim, you're killing her. We believe!

This is the wrong Prius. I don't love you. I'm sorry.

I just... there's always one around. I always find one. Have you heard of buying a toothbrush? Of course. I own my toothbrush.

I grew up poor. I had little formal education. No real skills. I don't work especially hard... And most of my ideas are either unoriginal or total crap. And yet... I walked right into a job for which I was ill prepared, ill seated, and somebody else already had and I got it. If you ask me, that's the American dream right there, anything can happen to anyone. It's just random.