Spooked

I've three simple rules. Don't be offensive, don't be cliche, and don't take the first two rules too seriously.

Oh! Wow. Spoiler alert! It's been out for ages, man. Costume vetoed.

Why can't there just be two Kate Middletons?

I stayed up all night, and I watched that GD wedding, and then I came to work and I made everyone else watch it all day. Meredith wasn't even here. Because I was there.

I thought you were at your sister's funeral. What I said was, 'my sister's funeral is this weekend.' Didn't say I'd be there.

Warms my heart, thinking about them two kids... Doin' it.

When they talk about all the nice things about dating a coworker, they don't mention one of the best parts. After you're done dating, you still get to work together every single day.

Kevin started crying, so...

What are you, some kind of Jamaican zombie woman? / Whoopi Goldberg. / Has no one here heard of Kerrigan? From Starcraft? Queen of blades?

Every Halloween, I tell him the same thing. You can't bring weapons into the office. And every year, he says the same thing. 'Soon as I get my weapons back, I'm gonna kill you.' But there I am at Thanksgiving, alive, you know? I'm the lucky turkey.

Everybody looking good? This is-- this is the best we can do? I'm not judging, I... I think you guys look great. I just...Wanna make sure. This is the best we can do?

I just got a text from Broccoli Rob--'boo!' It scared me. And then I got this text from Robert California-- 'looking forward to Halloween party. Expectations are high.' Scared the [Bleep] out of me.

What are you doing? Oh, I just wanted to see how you do it. If you're doing something I don't.

That Andy. So hot and cold. One day, he's like, 'fax these documents, please.' Then the next, he's like, 'Pam, you fax them. Who cares what Erin's feeling?'

Pam, how would you rate me as a receptionist on a scale of one to three? / Um...Two? / That's, like, the second to last thing I wanted to hear.

Bob and I are doing the Scranton Haunted walking tour. I always wondered what kind of people went on that thing.

Wait, they have food there?

My wife does not believe in ghosts.

I had just told you about the day that I met the blue angels. I figured you had to top it.

Uh-oh, looks like we're under a Jack attack. Yes, Andrew. And you, on this day of fantasy, are...A laborer.

Hey, Bert. / Hello. / Can I use a computer? I need to check a hurricane.

How did you know I was bringing my son? / Oh, I didn't. It was for us. / That stuff's for babies. / Well, perhaps this party will awaken the baby in all of us.

Wow, who shot our grownup party with a kiddie ray gun?

♪ dem bones, dem bones, dem dry bones ♪ ♪ now we're the skeleton crew ♪

Just fine, Kelly? Everything all right? / So there is something you want that you do not have. / I try not to think about it. Because it's too terrifying to imagine.

Never marrying. / Yes. Dying alone, that is very scary.

And how are you, Toby? / So great.

So can we speak our minds now, or are we still sparing feelings? Because I hate all of this.

Very low pressure in the Sargasso sea. Warm air from South America. Cold air from Greenland. All signs point to the perfect storm. / Yeah, perfectly mediocre.

I am Kerrigan from Starcraft, I've been censored. / If you're gonna be a Zerg, at least be a lurker, not some girl. / Kerrigan is ruler of the Zerg Swarm! / Yeah, she also has boobs. / Yeah, but no nipples.

November's sure creeping up, ain't it? / Can't stop that month.

And maybe we could mix a little more 13 into the PG.

But that's it? / There's nothing about me, or...I?

Remember that Halloween party you took me to once? The one where I started crying as soon as I walked in, and I didn't stop crying? / Yes. Lars and Takako's.

I will make this sexier than you could ever imagine. / No, just scary. / If we wanted ideas for scary stuff.

Hey, it's Jim Halpert. I was wondering if you wanted to see a movie tonight, 'cause I've read a lot about this really great documentary. / Is it called Ghostbusters? / It's called Ghostbusters.

Dwight, are you eating a stick? / It's a root, idiot.

Everyone hates you. / That's really rude. / I don't tell you hurricanes suck even though it's true.

What's the vaccine you could take to avoid a hurricane? Open up a newspaper. Oh, look, a hurricane's coming.

I'm only scared of real things, like serial killers and kidnappers. Not things that don't exist, like ghosts or mummies. / Mummies are real. There are mummies at museums.

Why on earth would a museum put a mummy in it?

Get out of here, little kid party. Nobody loves you. And clean up your room. Grown-ups are gonna use it later.

I'm about to play Starcraft with him. / Are you serious? / Yeah, I'm serious. It's funny.

You know, I guess nobody would believe it still fits.

Hey, guys, I'm an Oscar... Liar... Weiner.

Party's tight, E. The fog is cool. / Thanks. It's on medium.

The cinema of the unsettling is a growing film movement. The most well known film in the genre is an hour long shot of a squirrel with diarrhea.

Is that my grandmother?

This game is called pecker poker. It's the game of cards that gets you har--

Why didn't you simply ask Andy to clarify? Asking is a very easy thing to do. The two of you are obviously very close. / Oh, I see. This no longer seems like my business.

Did you think I was gonna fire you? / No, I wasn't. / I'm sorry, this must be really uncomfortable for you. / I'm never uncomfortable.

31. / Wow. / I'm so happy for you guys. Um, let me know when you get to 40.

Jim doesn't let me wash his NFL Jersey during the playoffs, how is this any less logical?

Really. / That is just a bunch of people participating in a collective thing that maybe the eagles will hear about and wanna play better.

You wanna attack, or let them come to us. Your call, B. / Unleash the hell storm. / Nice. / Got him. Go!

Is she Asian? / I don't know. She's from somewhere, I bet. / Maybe from the forest. / Forest? / Did Andy say his girlfriend's from the forest?

You don't live as long as I have without a healthy fear of snakes, Bobby.

Like, a few years down the road, Cece says, 'mom, there's a ghost in my closet.' Now you say one of two things. One-- You're just having a bad dream, or two-- Let's go see what it wants.

Creed's horror story about Lydia and the baby with mummies and snake

'I'm fine, bitch. I'm fine.'

Fear plays an interesting role in our lives. How dare we let it motivate us? How dare we let it into our decision-making, into our livelihoods, into our relationships?

Wanna see the dance? ♪ dem bones, dem bones, dem-- ♪ / You're fired. / What? / You heard me. Pack your things. / I'm the CEO's son. Pack your things. You're done.