The Whale

That Swayze sure can dance dirty.

They're like two flaming meatballs in my skull.

No, Woman. No Cry.

also helps me combat the glare bear. That's what I call the sun now.

Andy, it's Darryl. Take your drawers off your head.

Ow! Oh! Oh, no. Ah. That's not good.

Andy falling overboard during dramatic speech

Why would you ever call me when the manager's out of town?

You didn't call Jim. That seems significant.

Do you want it? No. Do you use it? No. Does it inexplicably show up on your doorstep three times a year? Yes, yes, and yes.

There is a reason we in the paper industry call this thing 'the white whale.'

Look at all that sweet blubber.

Eat it, Jim! Eat it, Phyllis! Eat-- Where's Stanley?

Gina Rogers at Apex Technology said you called her 'gy-na' for your entire meeting.

Gy-na said that?

Hey, remember that week in the '90s when we got bagels?

I miss Clinton.

I hope you like being turned on all the time.

I have very fertile hair glands.

Smile if you love men's prostates.

I think the Senator is having an affair.

I literally have nightmares in which what just happened happens.

And then I make Angela's husband spoon me back to bed.

Blake's also a guy's name, so he may be spending his afternoons with a guy named Blake. So nothing to worry about.

You just walked into her office... and begin. - Hello. - Hello. May I please speak to your boss? - No, she is the boss. - I am? Yes.

no one would ever believe that she would be a boss.

I will tell her what her needs are and then fill them. This is gonna work out best for you if you just relax and do nothing. And once I'm finished, it's over.

Have you ever killed a woman? How many women have you killed? Please, sir, will you not kill me?

Yeah, it's sounding kind of spooky-sexy over here, Halpert.

We're trying to reach Jim Halpert, not Batman.

some organisms have external hairs that vibrate to indicate auditory stimulation, but unfortunately, our external hairs don't vibrate at all.

children of the world coming together, cutting down trees to make paper. But not in a child labor-y way.

he looks like he's laboring over a stool, having just eaten human flesh.

I carried each one of them for nine months inside of my torso and then pushed them out of my vagina.

I used to watch Pulp Fiction and laugh, and now I'm like, 'that poor gimp is somebody's child.'

I had a barber once who used to comb my hair gently.

He used to fight dogs. Like, he used to make dogs fight, or he actually fought dogs? Little of this, little of that.

They're all fatties.

dog style.

I'd like to see that run for office.

Hey! Are those skateboarders back? Where are they? Little punks.

Oh, dear God in heaven.

Jan used to be one of my superiors, and she is one of the most erratic and terrifying people I have ever met.

Your daughter could be a bubble-bath model. I could just bite her head off.

I just saw your face. Oh. I'm sorry. It's for the thing. I know. That's great. It just-- it makes it look like there's an eyebrow in the middle of your face.

you look like a cyclops whose eye fell out... which is great.

Jan's daughter singing song about how great her mommy is

Well, it's not really much of a comparison, is it? I mean, 'Cece' is two letters, and 'Astrid' is... I mean, there's even some adults who-- who-- who can't spell it.

Try to spell it, Pam. Um... A... X? I don't-- you got me.

You thought I had no more cards left to play. Well, I've got one. Man-boy! The ace of babes.

Where's the quiznos? You're the quiznos.

Do you have a valid passport?

415-YCL. That's a license number? That's all you need.

women love gossip, it's like * you people.