Believe in the Stars

Jack · Liz:Jack conducts two separate conversations simultaneously — one with Lemon, one with a business caller — using a single stream of dialogue that must work for both.

Liz:Liz explains she never changed her New York residency to vote in a swing state AND to stay on the Chicago Pizza Explosion mailing list.

Liz:'I wear my Princess Leia costume and they dismiss me immediately.'

Jack · Liz:Jack's last line on the call — 'Thank you very much, sir' — doesn't work for both conversations. Liz points it out; Jack dismisses it.

Jack · Liz:'What do you take to fly?' 'Candy and magazines.' 'No, pills. Nobody flies without medication anymore. Why shouldn't you enjoy the same luxuries as a dog?'

Jack:The Olympic tetherball announcer clip — treating tetherball with breathless sports-announcer gravitas ('Speedman's caught an angle! Tyler Brody is flailing! And there's the coil!')

Jack · Liz:'Comanapracil' — a fictional drug with the listed side effects: 'May cause dizziness, sexual nightmares and sleep crime.'

Jack:Jack reveals NBC staged several Olympic events (tetherball, synchronized running, octuples tennis) so Americans could win more medals

Jenna:'How can you defame someone who's been arrested in three different Chuck E. Cheeses?'

Tracy:'Do you know who I am?! Seriously, please tell me who I am!'

Tracy · Jenna · Liz · Kenneth:Tracy tells Liz to relay a message to Kenneth, who relays it back to Tracy — a chain of passive-aggressive communication. 'Liz, could you please tell Kenneth that Liz wants him?'

Tracy:'I watched Boston Legal nine times before I realized it wasn't a new Star Trek.'

Jenna:'I got nothing. Meanwhile, Grizz and Dotcom bought a boat.'

Jack:'Cape Hatteras is lovely this time of year.'

Jenna · Tracy:Adrien Brody kissed Halle Berry at the Oscars being used as evidence that 'men think they can get away with anything' (Jenna) and later 'white folks think they can do whatever they want to black folks' (Tracy).

Jenna:'No one has it harder in this country today than women. Turns out we can't be president. We can't be network news anchors. Madonna's arms look crazy.'

Jack:Jack offers Tyler Brody a chance to 'host Deal or No Deal in the privacy of your own home' as a bribe.

Tyler Brody:Tyler Brody holds a press conference calling out 'synchronized running' and 'octuples tennis' as fake Olympic events.

Jack:Jack defends the Olympic fraud: 'A white lie that did a lot of good for this country's morale. Did you know that President Bush's approval rating was almost as high as 15% following the Olympics?'

Jack:Jack pivots Tyler Brody from Olympic fraud to 'You can be the voice of Knight Rider... the film!'

Tracy:'White people stole jazz, rock-n-roll, Will Smith and heart disease.'

Jeffrey the mediator:'Do you have any idea how hard it is to be an overweight transgender in this country?!'

Jeffrey the mediator:Cut to a brief shot of an elderly woman (the mediator's grandmother, presumably) with him saying 'No, Grandma, no...' — implying she has followed him to mediation.

Liz:'Believe in the Stars' title card — followed by Liz's deadpan: 'It's like that doesn't even mean anything anymore.'

Jack · Kenneth:Kenneth tells Jack he hopes he can trust his discretion about 'some rather grown-up talk' — including 'Beer pong? Jazzercise? Women's soccer?'

Kenneth:'There's always a right thing to do, Mr. Donaghy. Just, sometimes, it's not the easy thing to do.'

Kenneth · Jack:Kenneth: 'Tyler Brody was not the only hero I lost today, sir. The other hero was you, in case that wasn't...' Jack: 'I got it, Kenneth.'

Jenna:'If it weren't for you people, I'd still be in Africa... gorgeous, politically stable Africa!'

Jenna:Jenna (as a Black woman, presumably in makeup): 'If it weren't for you people, I'd still be in Africa... gorgeous, politically stable Africa!'

Jenna:Jenna: 'Everyone assumes I don't try in bed, it's discrimination!' as evidence that beautiful women are oppressed.

Tracy · Jenna:Tracy and Jenna decide to do a 'Freaky Friday social experiment' — Tracy will dress as a white woman, Jenna will do blackface.

Liz:Liz at jury selection: 'I don't really think it's fair for me to be on a jury because I can read thoughts. Dismissed!'

Jack · Liz:Jack: 'Do you think Kenneth admires you?' Liz: 'Sure, that kid looks up to everybody. He calls Tracy's lizard sir.'

Jack:Jack: 'We're talking about nobody... a hillbilly nobody that doesn't know anything.' — his increasingly flustered attempt to deny caring about Kenneth's opinion.

Jenna:'This is gonna be bigger than when Tyra Banks put on that fat suit.'

Tracy · Liz:Tracy calls Liz on the phone: 'See, Liz Lemon? You're already treating me with more respect' — using a fake female alias to test her.

Liz:Liz on the phone, increasingly drug-addled: 'Tracis, listen to meem... oh, boy. This pills am strong.'

Liz:Liz, fully sedated, tells her airplane seatmate: 'I'ma call you back, I snitting nexta Borpo.' [She's sitting next to Oprah.]

Liz:Liz's full drug-addled monologue to her airplane seatmate: 'I'm trying to adopt a baby... I lost my virginity at 25... I wear shorts to work... I eat emotionally... I kissed a girl on a dare but then she drowned...'

Liz:'And once, I had a sex dream about Nate Berkus but halfway through, he turned into Dr. Oz.'

Liz · Seatmate (Oprah):The seatmate hugs Liz ('A hug! This is happening!'); Liz: 'Please stay close.' / 'Uh, can you keep your hands outside my clothes?' / 'Okay.' / 'Good.'

Liz:Liz asks 'A hug? This is happening!' — apparently receiving a hug from Oprah while heavily drugged.

Jack · Kenneth:Jack's lifeboat hypothetical: 'I've hermetically sealed this elevator car. No air can get in or out. In the panel where the elevator phone should be, I placed a pistol loaded with one bullet.' Kenneth: 'It's empty!' Jack: 'Then you'll have to choke me with my belt. I will fight you. It's human nature.'

Kenneth:Kenneth's virtue monologue: 'There are only two things I love in this world... everybody and television.' And stealing cable is wrong even though he desperately wants it.

Liz · Oprah:Airplane seatmate (revealed to be Oprah-figure) tells Liz: 'You let Jenna and Tracy fill that role in your life. Maybe you're afraid of taking that next step.'

Liz · Oprah:Oprah-seatmate: 'Now that we've leveled off, I think they're going to serve us a little snack.' — Liz: 'So true, so wise.'

Oprah:'Sweater capes, calypso music, paisley tops, Chinese checkers, high-heel flip-flops that lift up your butt and give you a work-out. And you... Liz Lemon.'

Oprah:Oprah-seatmate: 'Too many women are wearing themselves too thin these days. And what suffers because of that? Your bowel movements. Your personal life.'

Liz · Oprah:Liz begs the seatmate to say: 'Please welcome, Liz Lemon!' — the seatmate refuses, but offers to come to New York and solve her Tracy/Jenna problem.

Tracy:Tracy, dressed as a white woman, approaches strangers: 'Hi, strangers! Do you think I'm sexy? Giggle, giggle, giggle!'

Jenna:Jenna's blackface response: 'I'm meeting my girlfriends for brunch! I hope we can sit outside! Lipstick!'

Jack · Jenna:Jack: 'You realize blackface makeup reignites racial stereotypes African-Americans have worked for hundreds of years to overcome.' / Jenna: 'Here we go.' / Jack: 'Yeah, it's bad. I get it, Go get some baby wipes!'

Tracy:Tracy explains the white makeup didn't cover his buttocks because he 'insisted they do my buttocks.'

Jack:Jack tells Kenneth: 'Socioeconomically speaking, you are more like an inner-city Latina.'

Kenneth:Kenneth responds to being told he's 'more like an inner-city Latina' with a simple, accepting: 'Hola.'

Liz:Liz says 'Oprah is coming!' three times with escalating panic while Jack tries to have a serious conversation with her.

Jack:Jack seals the elevator and says: 'We have enough oxygen... for eight people. Unfortunately, there are nine of us in here. Now... one must die.'

Jack:Jack: 'Oprah smells like rosewater and warm laundry.'

Jack · Kenneth:Kenneth asks if Oprah told Jack any new favorite things — Jack lists the exact same items Liz heard on the plane: 'Calypso, paisley, Chinese checkers and sweater capes.'

Kenneth:Kenneth: 'Let's go to the mall!' / 'Did she touch you?'

Jack:Jack: 'I thought pure morality died with Chuck Heston, but you proved me wrong. You are one Latina fantastica.'

Kenneth · Jack:Kenneth: 'You don't mean hero like sandwich, do you?' Jack: 'No, Kenneth... not like sandwich.'

Kenneth · Jack:Kenneth: 'You don't mean hero like sandwich, do you?' / Jack: 'No, Kenneth... not like sandwich.'

Liz · Pam · Jack:The 'Oprah' reveal: a young tween girl ('Pam') walks in to solve Tracy and Jenna's problems. Liz's reaction: 'What were you on? That's a kid.'

Pam:Pam's credentials: 'I'm a middle school class vice president, a certified and trained baby-sitter, and I recently got Internet in my room!'

Liz:'I think I gave her wine.'

Pam:Pam: 'I believe I can achieve anything. So let's get down to solving this problem. Now which one of you is Jana?'

Pam:Pam introduces herself: 'I'm a middle school class vice president... a certified and trained baby-sitter and I recently got Internet in my room!'

Kenneth:Kenneth: 'There's a whole channel on the cable that just tells you what's on the other channels!'

Jack · Kenneth:Jack: 'Is SpongeBob SquarePants supposed to be terrifying?' Kenneth: 'You're darn right he is, Kenneth.'

Pam:Confessional-style: 'Yesterday, Liz and I realized that she's probably wearing the wrong bra size.'

Pam:Tracy and Pam's therapy session: 'Yesterday, Liz and I realized that she's probably wearing the wrong bra size.'

Jack:Jack: 'Yup... that one's definitely bigger.' Looking at something related to Liz's bra situation.

Tracy · Pam:Tracy's emotion drawing is upside-down. Pam: 'Tracy, your emotion is upside-down.' Tracy: 'That's the way my world is right now.'

Liz · Pam:Liz: 'In-flight medication is how I met M. Night Shyamalan — until it turned out to be...' Pam: 'That was the best day of my life.'

Pam:Pam resolves the Tracy/Jenna dispute: 'Well, looks like my work here is done.' Then immediately: 'I'll see you at my parents' house for dinner. My best friend Gayle can't make it because she has some algebra test tomorrow.'

Jack · Pam:Jack: 'Good job, Pam, really. Take credit.' Pam: 'Hmm.'

Jenna · Liz:Jenna launches into 'Lean on Me' — Liz shuts it down: 'We're not doing that now. Stop that, do you hear me?'

Liz · Pam:The final scene: Liz, Pam, and wine. Pam: 'I don't think I should be drinking this.' Liz: 'Oh, come on, like you never have a drink.' Pam: 'Well, I did have some champagne at my cousin's wedding once.'

Liz · Pam:Pam: 'Yeah, you did! To Oprah!' — raising a toast to Oprah. Liz and Pam: 'Oprah!' / 'My name is Pam.' / 'Oh, Oprah!'