Rocky Sucks

President · Dwayne Johnson · Randall:The President interrupts a national emergency briefing to take a call about covering a baby seal birth at the zoo

Dwayne Johnson · Unknown:Dwayne throws the key away with prompting — a brief physical beat suggesting they're locking someone out or disposing of something awkwardly

President:The country of 'Gjelgjiughm' — a clearly unpronounceable nonsense country name delivered with straight-faced gravitas

Dwayne Johnson · President:Dwayne responds to 'Are you familiar with Gjelgjiughm?' with: 'Took home gold, silver, and bronze in skeet shooting during the 2028 Olympics.' / '...No.' / 'Then no.'

President:'You throw one bean in the air, two come back in your face.'

President · Prime Minister Honig (in recording):The hot mic incident: Prime Minister Honig says the President's 'hands are soft as marshmallows, pillowy as a duchess' — then the President defensively adds 'My hands are out of frame on purpose. My hands are my best feature.'

Dwayne Johnson · Other wrestler:Dwayne asks if there's a wrestler code for a real injury, and the answer is just: 'Ugh, my knee. Augh, I hurt my knee.'

Bruno (father figure):'You put your body on the line, it's good to know they appreciate it.' — delivered while the crowd chants 'Rocky sucks!'

Dwayne Johnson · Bruno:Dwayne says the origin of 'add insult to injury' is probably from this exact situation — crowd chanting 'Rocky sucks' while he's injured

Dwayne Johnson · Bruno:While trying to smile and endure the 'Rocky sucks' chants, Rocky's knee buckles — but it turns out a popcorn kernel fell in his boot

Bruno:'Lord ain't grantin' you no dignity today.'

Rocky's father (Ata/Rocky Sr.):Rocky's father says 'That's terrible news, son' about the no-surgery diagnosis — which is actually good news

Rocky's father · Dwayne Johnson:Father: 'Babe, don't sugarcoat it. When a wrestler isn't over with the fans, which you are not...' / Rocky: 'Yes, I know. Thank you.'

Rocky's mother · Dwayne Johnson:Mother: 'He is delicate.' / Rocky: 'I'm not delicate.' / Mother: 'I say you are delicate; You are delicate, Dewey.'

Rocky's mother · Dany · Dwayne Johnson:Dany doesn't believe in throw pillows — 'She says they just take up space.' / 'They just take up... what?'

Rocky's father:'Popped pecks pay rent checks.'

Dwayne Johnson · Dany:'She's supposed to be a silent partner.' / 'You said that, not me.'

Rocky's mother · Dany · Dwayne Johnson:'Have everything in writing.' / 'We don't need that. We are family.' / 'I'm gonna stay out of it. But-but...'

Dwayne Johnson:Rocky's complaint about rehab: 'My only complaint is my physical therapist keeps referring to it as "our knee."'

WWF Executive · Dwayne Johnson:WWF executive gives completely vague non-answer about when Rocky returns: 'When we make a decision, we'll give you a call.' / Rocky: 'Cool. Cool. So, like, uh, when?'

Dany · Dwayne Johnson · Detective · Police officer:Criminology minor from Miami cutaway: Rocky contemplates his options, his criminology minor is mentioned, then immediate cut to: 'Detective Johnson, here's the victim.' / 'Oh, God. Another child.' / 'Actually, sir, victim was full-grown adult male.' / pause / 'You're just really big.'

Dany:'If wrestling doesn't work out, you'll always have that criminology minor from Miami.'

Rocky's father:'She ain't pregnant, is she?' at the wedding

Rocky's father:'Cause she drinkin' a lot for a pregnant woman.'

Rocky's mother · Dwayne Johnson:The wedding gift: a microwave that's also a radio — with presets of 'defrost, popcorn, and Cool 101.5'

Rocky's mother:'Maybe keep it under your kitchen sink.'

Dwayne Johnson · Rocky's mother:The microwave-radio is from Vince — who RSVP'd yes to the wedding but didn't show up

Unidentified wedding guest:Wedding guest who is disappointed about the absence of roasted pig: 'Look, I'm not gonna say I'm disappointed, but, uh, I was really expecting a roasted pig for this occasion.'

Macho Man Randy Savage · Wedding guest:Macho Man Randy Savage interrupts a financial conversation about Dany's work at Merrill Lynch: 'I believe in an unbalanced portfolio. Yeah. Risk and aggression... Now that is what the Macho Man is all about, baby. Yeah, dig it.'

Macho Man Randy Savage:Macho Man: 'Sorry, I think I'm drinking out of your glass. Can't keep it straight.'

Fa'amalo:Pig-obsessed guest's extended lament: 'I purposely didn't eat pig yesterday 'cause I thought for sure that we were gonna have pig today... And there-there-there's no pig.'

Unnamed guest · Bruno:Salt-N-Pepa's 'Push It' plays at the wedding; guests speculate: 'So how long do we think until one of these guys splits their pants?' / 'That's why ol' Bruno always travels with a sewing kit.'

Bruno · Unnamed guest:'Vince doesn't send a gold-plated microwave that's also a radio to wrestlers he doesn't believe in.' / 'Oh, that's what you always say, huh?'

Unnamed guest (wrestler):'That boy's got 10,000 lives. And I don't think we've even seen three of them yet.'

Ata:'Oh, that's what you always say, huh?' — Ata's dry response to Bruno's fake aphorism.

Unnamed wrestling veteran:'Come to think of it, I owe the kid a headband.'

Dwayne Johnson · Hulk Hogan:Hulk Hogan arrives and Rocky says he forgot to mention 'black tie' didn't mean 'black mustache'

Hulk Hogan · Dwayne Johnson:Hogan: 'The bleach job is hell on my nostrils.' / Rocky: 'It's hell on my eyes, too.'

Hulk Hogan · Dwayne Johnson:Hogan on Rocky Maivia's persona: 'You've got more personality than what you're showing.' / 'He's so...' / 'Earnest?' / 'I was gonna say punchable.'

Hulk Hogan:Hogan's stomach can't handle dairy at the wedding; 'I'll hit the dance floor and blame Macho.'

Vince McMahon · Dwayne Johnson:Vince calls to congratulate on the wedding and says: 'Don't use it [the microwave]. It's been recalled. Cancer stuff. Terrible product. I'm sending you a blender instead.'

Dwayne Johnson:'That's so weird. Biloxi was my second choice for honeymoon destinations.'

Dwayne Johnson:'Yeah, I was a big Hart Foundation fan. I like a guy with the confidence to wear pink pants.'

Dwayne Johnson · Ron Simmons/Farooq:Rocky joins the Nation wearing denim shorts — 'Booyah!' / 'Wait, that was your bad dude look? Are those denim shorts?'

Dwayne Johnson · Ron Simmons/Farooq:'Be honest. I get a pop at all out there? It felt quiet.' / 'I'ma always shoot you straight. You ain't pop worth a damn.' / 'Straight out the gate, huh?' / 'Snap, crackle, no pop.' / 'And you're still going.' / 'Orville Redenbacher you are not.'

Dwayne Johnson · Ron Simmons / Farooq:'Hey, uh, be honest. I get a pop at all out there? It felt quiet.' / 'I'ma always shoot you straight. You ain't pop worth a damn.'

Ron Simmons/Farooq:'You're the fourth man in a four-man crew. I don't think Vince is thinking about your angles.'

Pat · Rocky:Pat interrupts the creative meeting by reading his time card: 'I worked one hour on Monday. Two hours on Tuesday. Wednesday was a bank holiday. Four hours on...' / 'Pat, you think I could get a few minutes with the boss?'

Dwayne Johnson · Vince McMahon:Rocky negotiates mic time: 'If you gave me, like, 12 minutes...' / '2.' / 'I'll take it.' / '...2 1/2 would give me some time to work in some back story...' / '2 is fine.'

Rocky's mother · Rocky Sr. · Dwayne Johnson:Rocky's mother at the Raw broadcast: 'Rocky, pull up your tank. Your son's wife can see your chi-chis.' / Rocky Sr.: 'Everybody can see 'em.' / Rocky: 'I worked hard on these babies. Ba-boom!'

Dwayne Johnson (as Rocky Maivia):'Rocky Maivia's a lot of things, but sucks isn't one of them.'

Dwayne Johnson (as Rocky Maivia):Rocky's heel promo closer: 'Rocky Maivia and the new Nation of Domination lives, breathes, and dies respect.' delivered as villain speech — which is not how villainy usually works

Dwayne Johnson · Interviewer/President:'Kind of like when I played Kim Jong Un, except no one saw it.' / 'I saw it.' / 'Yeah?' / 'Yeah. You were great.' / 'Thanks.' / 'You're welcome.'

Pat · Dwayne Johnson:Pat's feedback: 'You were more interesting in the last two minutes than you've been in the last six months.' / Rocky: 'Wow, okay. Everybody just out the gate with the honesty.'

Pat:Pat's cat metaphor: 'Interesting isn't always necessarily good. You know? My cat throws up a human thumb. Is it interesting? Sure. But is it good? No.'

Dwayne Johnson · Pat:Rocky: 'Did that really happen?' / Pat: 'Hey, stay focused.'

President · Dwayne Johnson:Prime Minister Honig has seen all of Dwayne's movies 'with the exception of Huskies' / President: 'Is she not an animation fan or something? Because Huskies was good.'

Dwayne Johnson:'Is she not an animation fan or something? Because Huskies was good.'

Dwayne Johnson · President:'I'm honored, Mr. President. Thank you. But no.' / 'Fantastic. Wait...'

President:President's final line: 'Wait, I didn't hear that last bit.'