Floyd DeBarber

Liz Lemon · Floyd:Hot dog times, huh? / I only eat them on special occasions. / What's the special occasion? / I decided to eat one.

Liz Lemon · Floyd:Floyd approaches Liz at work to check she's okay after the AA meeting; she plays along

Liz Lemon · Floyd:I have never seen so much come out of one pigeon! / Yeah, I think it might've been sick. / Or maybe the little guy ate a cigarette or something.

Floyd:Well...Obviously, since we're in the same group, we can never date. It's against the rules.

Liz Lemon · Floyd:Well, isn't that one of those rules like 'don't walk between the subway cars,' and all the cool people just do it anyway? / Liz, I need the rules. The last time I drank I ended up doing a man-on-the-street commercial for Tarzan on Ice.

Liz Lemon · Floyd:It was awesome! / I mean, he was swinging on his skates! / And the little monkey was funny.

Liz Lemon · Floyd:Oh, I'm sorry. I guess I kinda fell asleep on your legs. / I know. It's weird. I've never let anybody put their head that close to my feet before.

Floyd:I feel more confused and betrayed than those people that worked with Tootsie.

Floyd:You know, the Roomba is a nice, quiet alternative to a vacuum.

Floyd · Liz Lemon:And in the interest of full disclosure, I also have a sexual fantasy about Gopher. / Except mine's the one from Caddyshack. / Well, that makes sense 'cause he's a very good dancer.

Liz · Floyd:Jack wrote a book? / 'Jack Attack: The Art of Aggression in Business.'

Liz · Floyd:Oh, no. / He got here before us. / You're not supposed to let that happen. / That's chapter two in the book.

Floyd:And 'Attack of the Clones,' which was seriously the worst of the 'Star Wars.'

Floyd:In my mind, the Foo Fighters' song 'Best of You' is about your managerial skills.

Floyd:Chapter 12. [said immediately after Jack says he wants to kiss Floyd on the mouth]

Jack · Floyd · Pete:What are you drinking? / Club soda. / Oh, that's a shame. Pete.

Liz · Floyd · Jack:Yeah, yeah. No, it's very nice. / Jack bought me this painting. / Wow. / Um... is that lion eating the horse? / Or perhaps it's eating universal healthcare.

Floyd:It's kind of like you two are dating. [Liz reacts]

Liz · Floyd · Jack:Floyd's phone texting exchange with Jack: Jack texts 'Good night' / 'And sleep tight' / 'And don't let the bed...' / 'All right, enough. Give me that.'

Floyd:Jack, I have taken a sleeping pill because I have a big lawyer meeting... / That's what we call them. / ...in the morning. Floyd.

Liz · Floyd:Oh, it's Jack. / Don't answer it. [lights off, get down]

Floyd · Liz:Jack arrives at the window / 'Oh, my God.' / 'Can he see us?' / 'The call is coming from inside the house.' / 'All right, turn off the lights and get down.'

Jack · Floyd:Nah, you're not gonna beat that. / Well-played, Garkel.

Floyd · Liz:Oh, you like Wagner? No, I like Elmer Fudd. Kill da wabbit.

Floyd · Liz:Yeah, you gotta talk to your landlord about that rat race. / That is my landlord.

Floyd · Liz:Cleveland. / That is also a place.

Floyd:Floyd describing Cleveland dreams: 'Lakewood... Shaker Heights... Big Creek Parkway... St. John Bosco's... cheering on the tribe at the Jake'

Liz · TSA Agent · Floyd:This dream, this is way down the road, right? Three, maybe four years. / What's this fungus cream for? / All right, that's it. Show's over.

Liz · Floyd:You wanna end up like that? / No. / I'm gonna be like her. [cuts to woman being nearly run over in traffic]

Liz · Floyd:He spit in my mouth! / Let's go to Cleveland.

Liz · Floyd:When did you have time to look for jobs and houses? / When you were at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.

Floyd:Right — if the whole world moved to their favorite vacation spots, then the whole world would live in Hawaii and Italy and Cleveland.

Floyd · Liz:Liz... I took that job. / Blurgh.

Liz Lemon · Floyd:Liz and Floyd's phone call: 'What's the weather like there?' / 'Mid-40s.' / 'Oh, really? 'Cause it's low 40s here.' / 'Really?' / 'Yeah.' / 'Wow.'

Floyd:Floyd's reason for ending the call: 'I'm waiting for the bus. So I should probably just focus on that, you know.'

Liz Lemon · Floyd:Floyd says 'not working... breaking up' about the call — Liz mishears as him breaking up with her

Floyd · Liz:Hey, can I take you out to dinner tonight? You know, maybe we hit that barbecue place you puked at. You'll have to be more specific.

Floyd:Wow, snow in May. Thank you, global warming, for extreme, unpredictable weather patterns.

Floyd:There was actually a tornado in Cleveland last week. Destroyed an entire city block... three bowling alleys, a liquor store, and the liquor-store museum.

Floyd · Liz:Like right now, for instance. Well, what does New York have that Cleveland doesn't have? I read that you guys are getting an Ikea. Yeah, I'll believe it when I see it. We've just been burned before.

Floyd:This is more important than me getting home or my partner meeting with Peter Venkman.

Floyd · Liz:I'm so glad you're bringing this up. Really? You are? / I didn't bring it up last night because we were having so much fun... Floyd then reveals his phone was never dead and the email about a flight was fake.

Floyd:I'm single. I'm a lawyer. I wear nice coats. I'm the Michael Clayton of Cleveland.

Liz · Floyd:I'll move to Cleveland when you get that Ikea. Never! Oh, you... Don't you deprive the good people of Cleveland an Ikea! You are vindictive, Liz Lemon!

Liz · Floyd:Oh, my God. What are you doing here? / We knew you'd need a ride home. / What do you mean, 'we'?

Jack Donaghy · Dennis · Floyd:Jack: 'Okay, this bitch is tripping her ass off.' / 'What do we do with her?' / 'I got a date tonight. I say we order her some pizza.' / 'Yes!' / 'and lock her in here for the weekend.'

Floyd:No, no, no goatee, just chola eyebrows.

Floyd · Kaitlin · Today Show Host:Cut to the Today show where Floyd is with his fiancée Kaitlin — the visual reveal that he's engaged and competing to get married on TV.

Liz · Floyd:Hey, keep it down out there! / This isn't Liz.

Floyd · Liz:I could have sworn you watched the Early Show on CBS. / The Early Show? What am I, in a hospital?

Floyd · Liz:Believe me, if I had a time machine, I would go back and do it differently. / You want to split some mozzarella sticks? / Aagh! I didn't go back far enough.

Liz · Floyd:So that's your second salmon. How are you feeling? / Like a rock star.

Floyd:Squeeze in one last ride at Six Floyds Amusement Park? Well, we're closed. Sorry.

Floyd:One, blonde. Two, she's alive... like a deer. She runs and sniffs and jumps and stares. She's not like the badger with its glasses and its rules about weekday sex.

Floyd:How are you still single, Liz? There's so many guys out there that want to be poisoned and yelled at.

Floyd:Salmon for everyone... on me.

Today Show Host · Floyd:In this hour, spring cleaning — / Boring! Boring! Floyd, come on. / Hey, you guys wear so much makeup, you know that? / Floyd! Have you been drinking? / Shut up, kit kat!

Floyd:God, I don't remember any of that. Did I fall down while I was with you? 'Cause my lower back is killing me.